FIRESIDE CHAT NOVEMBER 2001
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Welcome and Announcements
Believer's FireSide Kindling
Bidding with Bridgboy
Guido's Really Important Stuff
Pomo's Pointers
This is Your Captain Speaking
Dealing With Dann
Moogal's FireSide Log
Ecofin's Forward to the Basics
Special Treats 1 -- McPhee
Special Treats 2 -- Capthook
Shep's Adventures
Treble's Table Talk
And Finally Kaltica
.....................................................
WELCOME AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
Hi all!
Welcome to the November, 2001 issue of FireSide
Chat, our monthly newsletter written for and about
our FireSide friends and events.
Be sure to read Moogal's column this month for
information about our newest FireSide Commentator,
and a change in scheduling. Don't miss the FACT
Auction announcement -- get your bids in SOON!
We hope you enjoy all of this month's articles and
features. Please feel free to write to us with any
comments, questions, ideas, or whatever, that you may
wish to share. This newsletter is for and about you,
and we want you to feel welcome to participate. Just
email Believer at Sara326@mediaone.net or Moogal at
Moocake@aol.com.
A special thanks to all of you who have been sending
us contributions for our "giggle breaks". We appreciate
everything you send, and use as many as we can. Keep
'em coming, please! :-)
Please remember that the Bridgementor-L mail list
is available for discussions of bridge topics,
and, more importantly, as a forum in which you can
find immediate answers to your bridge questions.
To join, go to www.bridgementor.com and click on the
link for the discussion list.
OKbridge also offers us an email discussion opportunity,
the Discuss List. You can join that list by emailing them
at Discuss-Request@okbridge.com and put the word 'subscribe'
in the subject line. You can also participate in the
discussions via the OKbridge website now, just go to the
members area at www.okbridge.com and you'll find the Discuss
List there at the bottom of your opening page.
This newsletter is also available online, at the
OKbridge website. They have our current edition
posted there under 'Publications' -- 'FireSide Chat'
and have provided links for all of our back issues.
Go to www.okbridge.com to find us, or to explore
the many fun and interesting areas available there.
FireSide is now providing us with a "hand of the week"
feature. Go to our new Hand of the Week site:
http://www.members.home.net/firesiders/fireside.htm
to check out the fun.
If, for any reason, you do not wish to receive these
mailings, please write to Believer at sara326@mediaone.net
to be removed from our mailing list.
...........................................................
CURRENT FIRESIDE SCHEDULE
Day Pacific Time Commentator
MONDAY 11:00 A.M. POOKA
MONDAY 5:30 P.M. BRIDGBOY
TUESDAY 11:00 A.M. SHEP
TUESDAY 8:00 P.M. CAPTAIN
WEDNESDAY 11:00 A.M. FREDW3
WEDNESDAY 5:30 P.M. LBROWN
THURSDAY 11:00 A.M. POOKA
THURSDAY 5:30 P.M. RAIJA & POMO
FRIDAY 11:00 A.M. BLUEBEE
FRIDAY 5:30 P.M. KALTICA
SATURDAY 11:00 A.M. WINTAKA/CAPTAIN
Commentators may change without notice,
according to their availability.
****************
Although there is no set fee for participating in
these "open to all" sessions, please note that FireSide
Bidding Practice Sessions operate with the support of
those in attendance. For information about how to
become a supporting member, please contact Kaltica at
cpw@escape.ca, or LBrown at Finesse@bestweb.net.
Thanks to all of you for supporting the FireSide sessions
in all the many different ways you have of doing so.
...........................................................
All articles herein (c) 2001 by FireSide Chat.
All rights reserved.
...........................................................
BELIEVER'S FIRESIDE KINDLING
============================
First, I would like to share the following email with you.
The writer asked to remain anonymous. I think this note
expresses what a lot of us would like to say, but never get
around to...
********************
"Dear Fireside Commentators and whomever writes articles
for Newsletter......
"Thank you very much!!
"We read your articles, and maybe they mean something to
us, or maybe we can't quite understand just what you mean.
We might be slightly below what you are talking about, but
if we sort of 'file it away' maybe by next week [month]
[year?] [century?...Oh Dear!] it might have more meaning
to us.
"It's hard to thank each of you individually, but we are
truly grateful that you take the time to share your
knowledge/experience.
"We also appreciate your time and effort on the weekly
Fireside meetings with us. I wouldn't say that bridge has
fallen into 'disfavor' but it does not have the popularity
it once had. That is sad because it is probably one of the
last things a failing body can enjoy.
"I can't play golf as I once did but I can play bridge!
I think OKB [and others] are a window of opportunity to
acquaint younger people to the enjoyment of bridge.
It expands your mind and makes you think...not a bad thing.
"Anyhow, you are doing a great service and we all appreciate
it."
==========================================================
Another email I received. I thought I'd share it with you,
and then I have some thoughts of my own to add :-)
********************
"I have a 'pet peeve' I'm going to mention, although I'm
sure there is nothing to be done about it. It's not
really ethics, as such, but irritating.
"It is people who sit down at your table, and then nag you
to please play faster. I play a good bit with someone who
has a physical problem, and tends to play rather slowly
because of it.
"I don't feel it's my place to explain this to the new
player, as my partner is rather sensitive about it. The
only thing I have found to do is suggest they might be
happier at another table, which doesn't always get rid of
them.
"The one last night said, 'But I only have 30 mins.'
"Does anyone have a better suggestion?"
********************
Hmm, I was going to go into a "pet peeve" session here,
but I think we all share the same ones, pretty much. I do
want to mention that we all should read Tuna's column in
the November Spectator -- he promised me it was gonna be
a good one!
I do want to say that, interestingly enough, most of the
time when I notice folks being rude, overbearing, crude,
impatient, and/or unwilling to get along, it seems that
these folks are very seldom FireSiders. Thank goodness!
We really are lucky to have such a terrific group of folks
who get together at the FireSide sessions. It's a fun
place to be, because of the friendliness and acceptance
you find from most of the folks who regularly attend. I am
proud of every one of you :-) And I hope your actions and
attitudes will rub off on some of those rude and crude ones
who seem bound and determined to be miserable. Maybe we
should drag them to the FireSides, and let them get a look
at what friendly folks are like!
********************
I thought I was done :-) Sitting here, putting final
touches on this month's issue of the 'Chat', and I just
received the following email from Lyn (Lynkos). I thought
it was the perfect ending for this column :-) Thanks, Lyn!
----------
Hi Sara,
Tonight, on the way home from a game, I heard a song by
Celine Dion: "Because you Love Me". Yet some of the
lyrics seem made for bridge partners. Perhaps
Firesiders would enjoy sharing them with their partners.
Partner:
"You give me strength when I am weak;
You are my eyes when I cannot see;
You are my voice when I cannot speak;
You give me faith so I can believe."
and I thank you ...
Lynette aka LYNKOS
********************
You can write to Believer (Sara Stobbe) at:
sara326@mediaone.net
...........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Our apologies to Tuna, who would have preferred that you
go on thinking he'd never stoop to sending us a groaner...
Who's More Powerful?
One day in the forest, three animals were discussing
who among them was the most powerful.
"I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop
down swiftly at my prey."
"That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only
fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws."
"I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because
with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you."
Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the
forest and settled the debate by eating them all...
hawk, lion, and stinker!
...........................................................
BIDDING WITH BRIDGBOY
=====================
Minor Suit Bidding
In the last few months I have seen one aspect of basic
bidding causing problems for many of the FireSiders --
responding to an opening bid of 1C or 1D with a good hand,
and length in that minor. My good friend Elvee has voiced
concern over how to handle this, and I suspect many others
have wrestled with this also.
So, with a big thanks to Elvee and others, let us look at
the opening bid of one of a minor and how we should react
to it.
The common fear when we hear an opening bid of one of a
minor is that partner might have the 2-3-4 of that suit,
with all values somewhere else. Now, that inhibits the less
experienced player from supporting partner's first bid suit.
We will lose some great opportunities if we continue to
treat the minor suits as weak step-children, incapable of
securing good scores! My advice is to assume partner has
what they say they have! When partner opens 1M, sometimes
the suit quality is not robust, but that does not stop us
from raising if our hand is suitable. Do not fear partner's
opening bid, even when it is a minor suit.
Here is an illustrative example from actual play:
S KQx
H Ax
D KQx
C K10xxx
Partner opens 1C-P-?? to you. What do
you bid? I watched it go as follows:
1C P 1D P
1S p 2H p
3H p 3NT all pass.
Let us look at this auction. Responder had bid two suits he
did not have, and never mentioned the one suit he did have,
all because he had no means of raising the club suit in a
forcing manner. Without proper methods, responder had to
guess to avoid 6C as a potential contract, and rest in 3NT
with no investigation at all! This is a major hole in our
thinking if we cannot trust our partner's opening bid.
So what I urge you all to consider is a means of raising
partner's opening bid when it is a minor suit. There must
be a safe and sane method available where both parties will
recognize that game is assured, and slam is possible. All
slam tries have to start below game -- we have discussed
this in past articles and will do so again in greater detail
in the future.
Many of you are familiar with very detailed methods of
forcing when partner bids one of a major. There are also
methods to force when partner opens one of a minor suit.
We will be discussing this problem further to see if we can
hash out some agreements that Elvee and all of us can use
effectively to be able to investigate minor suit contracts.
The last time I looked they still do give slam bonuses when
we bid 6C or 6D!
Stay tuned for next month!
*************************
You can find Bridgboy (Bob Lavin) doing his FireSide
sessions on Monday evenings at 5:30 p.m. OKbridge time.
Anyone interested in one-on-one lessons on any topic of
the game may contact Bob at bridgboy@charter.net
Bob also now offers courses at OKbridge University. Go
to www.okbridge.com, or email him for more information.
...........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thank you, Luc, for the following:
Subject: Society's burning questions
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with
fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of
bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
husbands on beer cans.
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't
they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is
full of portraits by Picasso.
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live
there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the OTHERS here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
there, is he still wrong?
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is
winning.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it
didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime
next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
is that considered a hostage situation?
........................................................
GUIDO'S REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF
==============================
When is 4NT Blackwood?
One of the worthy editors suggested I write a column on
this tricky subject. Writers learn early not to argue with
editors.
As with almost anything regarding system and convention, the
short answer is: As agreed to by the partnership. While
that might sound completely useless, it does mean that you
should discuss problem sequences with your regular partners.
Whenever possible it is better to have general rules
rather than individual agreements. Depending on personal
preference, pick one of the following:
4NT is Blackwood except ... (fill in the blank), or
4NT is not Blackwood except ... (fill in the blank)
If you include Roman Key-Card Blackwood, it gets more
complicated as you also need to distinguish between vanilla
Blackwood and Key-Card.
In this discussion, I will assume you play Key-Card. I
will also assume that you do not play Kickback or Redwood
or Exclusion Blackwood, or any other of the mystic
variation. Also, in keeping with my favorite on-going
theme, I am going to suggest some simple rules. Having an
agreement, and knowing that partner has the same agreement,
is much more important than whether it is the best
agreement.
When you or partner open NT (or 2C-2D; 2N) 4NT is never
Blackwood unless the trump suit has been agreed. What
does this mean?
1N-2D
2H-4N is NOT Blackwood as there is no trump agreement
1N-4D (Texas)
4H-4N is Blackwood as the 4D bid agrees trumps for the
partnership.
1N-2C
2H-4N Lacking special agreements, I think this should
be Blackwood. How would you invite slam with
a balanced hand and a 4-card major?
1N-4N. If opener wants to accept the slam try,
partnership may agree to bid 4-card suits
up the line.
Summary: After a NT opening, 4N is Blackwood when there is a
known 8+ card fit (i.e., trump agreement). As there is an
agreed upon suit, whenever 4NT is Blackwood, it is Key-card.
1 grape - 4NT. Blackwood. But, since there is no trump
agreement, it is vanilla Blackwood. If partner opens 1 of
a suit and you want to use Key-card, you must first agree
the trump suit. After a major opening, this is easy: bid
Jacoby 2NT (or whatever you use as a forcing raise). If
partner opens 1 of a minor, things get trickier.
For example:
1D - 2D (inverted, forcing 1 round)
2N - 4N:
Feels like a natural NT invitation to me, as Diamonds are
not agreed. IF you want to bid Blackwood (Key-card of
course), you have to force trump agreement. A simple rule
(I like simple, remember?) is to Q-bid over 2N, and then bid
4N. For the fancy amongst my gentle readers, a good
alternative is: 1D - 2D; 2N - 4D is Key-card.
Life gets harder when the auctions become more complex
and/or bidding room gets cramped. A few examples (assuming
2/1 bidding style for the sake of simplicity):
1S - 2C
3C - 3S
4N
Clearly Blackwood, but which is the agreed suit?
Before Key-card, it was simple. . My solution is that
spades are agreed (last bid natural suit). To agree clubs,
bid 4C over 3S to force a Q-bid, and then bid 4N.
1S - (3H) - 4N
Nothing is perfect, but I think this should be natural. Why?
If you want to bid Key-card, you can agree trumps by bidding
4H and, if partner bids 4S, you can then bid 4N as key-card.
If partner Q-bids instead... well, it is legal to explore
slam sans Blackwood.
1S - 2C
3S - 4N
Treat this and similar sequences as agreeing the jumped-in
suit. Therefore, 4N is Key-card.
1H - 2D
2H - 4D
4N
As above.
Let's summarize:
If 4NT is some flavor of Blackwood, it is key-card only when
a suit is clearly agreed.
4NT is Blackwood when it is not a NT raise.
As an aside, in what I call "real life" I do not play by the
above rules. We (Ian and I) treat 4NT as Blackwood only in
a very few, well defined instances. A more important aside:
remember, the purpose of Blackwood is NOT to find slams;
rather it is designed to keep you out of slams when the
opponents have two quick cashable tricks.
********************
You can write to Guido (Paul Friedman) at:
paulfriedman@uswest.net
............................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thank you, Mindy, for this giggle:
THE TITLE I GIVE THIS PIECE IS "DUH"
On a blanket from Taiwan:
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists:
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP
TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins:
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On an American Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips:
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.
DETAILS INSIDE.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
On a Japanese food processor:
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
On British Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
On a Canadian child's Superman costume:
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
On some British frozen dinners:
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
FITS ONE HEAD.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On a British Boot's "Children's" Cough Medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING
.....................................................
POMO'S POINTERS
===============
STOP AND THINK... BUT WHEN?
Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some magic bell that
went off at the exact moment when we should not play or bid
routinely. We all (I'm included) fall into the trap of just
playing or bidding by rote in most situations. The key to
being a better player is knowing when to take a moment and
consider your next action before an accident happens.
In the bidding - stop at the moment that your partner has
shown a strong two suited hand or any strong (2C type)
opener... examine your honors in partner's suit(s) and treat
them as extra Aces, for they tend to fill all the holes in
his hand. When we have uncovered a huge (ten trumps) fit
with some side short suits, we may make game or slam with
FAR less high card values than you might imagine. If you
only evaluate your hand in terms of high cards with numeric
(A=4; K=3, etc) values, you will miss many opportunities
to display your real talent for the game... that is --
re-evaluation of the hand based on the bidding. Always
remember what information you have given to partner so far,
and assume he understood all of your bids. Try not to tell
the same story twice. (Re-read that one).
In the play: (a) declarer - When dummy appears and you are
thanking partner while burning inside... now is the time!
Put aside all other problems of the day and think about how
to make THIS hand. Count winners, losers, etc. and make a
sensible plan. If all suits split fairly well (evenly) then
you are on your way. WAIT! Often something happens to make
you pause for thought... a bad split or some finesse that
loses (they do more often than not). Now it's time to
re-think the problem... there may be a way out of this mess.
There may be times when you simply stare at the dummy and
nothing is happening... no plan... no real thought. You are
not alone! Let instinct take over when your concentration
is shot, who knows, you may just be able to bluff your way
through the hand successfully.
In the play: (b) defense - Your thoughts should begin during
the bidding, accumulating facts about all of the other hands
around the table. While the enemy is exchanging valuable
information about their hands, LISTEN! If you calmly sit
there waiting for the auction to end and ask "who's lead is
it?"... you're not mentally in the game. After the opening
lead, you will see the dummy and get a better idea of where
your defensive tricks may come from. Take the time while
declarer is making a plan, to make your opposing plan for
possibly defeating this contract. Use all the information
available to make a general plan. After a few tricks, you
should have a very good idea of where your side might get
tricks and what declarer's shape and high card location is.
Form a picture in your mind... then discards or leads become
easier. Some hands are just unbeatable, but others hang in
the balance waiting for a defensive error... be prepared!
After defending many hands in a row, we tend to get edgy and
careless, but defense is as much fun (well, almost) as being
declarer.
********************
You can find Pomo and Raija doing their FireSide sessions
on Thursday evenings at 5:30 p.m. OKbridge time.
(Except the second Thursday of the month, when the Fifth
Chair's Novice/Mentor Tourney is held.)
You can email Pomo at: reisig@oco.net
..........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
A tourist in Canada celebrated the 4th of July by getting
stone drunk. He became obnoxious and disorderly, and was
hauled into court for disturbing the peace.
"How do you plead?" the judge asked.
"Not guilty!" replied the accused.
"How can you plead 'not guilty'. You're drunker than a
skunk." the judge said.
"Well, you see, it's like this, your honor. I was only
following orders. When I got into town, there was this
big sign that said, DRINK CANADA DRY. And that's what I
did."
......................................................
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING
=============================
Chores to do..
Did your Mom always tells you to put your chores in order of
priority? If she neglected this matronly duty, the Captain
will have to take up the task...
Situation: you are in a contract, and you have all the rest
of the tricks except one. You would like to be greedy and
take all the rest of the tricks, so you can bring up this
hand later for detailed analysis should you have been the
only one who made that extra trick. The person who made a
squeeze. The person who is dancing on a cloud. The person
who will be loving and tasting their opponent's abject
misery. This is the situation to die for! Now the hard
part -- how to do it?
I will borrow a hand from a recent lesson of mine to
illustrate the simplicity of a simple squeeze. Names have
been omitted to protect both the innocent and the guilty.
captain
S J43
H AQJ
D KT5
C Q742
Ms Declarer
S AT
H 6
D AQJ8643
C AK9
Dlr: North
Vul: None
MP's
South West North East
Ms Dec' Captain
Pass 1C
Pass 2D Pass 2NT
Pass 3D Pass 3H
Pass 6D Pass Pass
Pass
You are in a position to take all the rest of the tricks
except one, such as Declarer was here -- she had 12
tricks right away, and she knows she has a 13'th if the
clubs are 3-3. There is hope... maybe the clubs ARE 3-3!
Lead is H7. It's time to don the thinking cap and make the
"plan".
Thoughts that arise:
You have 12 tricks... whew... for once, a slam that is bid
and is making!
next thoughts...
Is the H7 away from K? Where is HK? If on left, I can play
Q, but if on right I can try playing A, then running Q. Is
there a sign? I must think fast... no time for digging out
Ouija board! Wait -- maybe clubs are 3-3? Maybe if I rise
HA, and lead Q, the K will cover Q? Maybe I can just play
the HQ trick one? What did the Captain say about squeezes?
Now I remember -- he says "they are simple..."
Put your chores in order. First, if you want to try
stealing, it is usually right to steal early -- so try
that. Rise with HA, and then try Q... maybe RHO will cover.
Assuming that fails, you still have the clubs 3-3
opportunity..
My advice is -- you wish to take 4 clubs with clubs
3-3, so always make that your very last chore -- like
cleaning the windows.
Now the reason why: Assume clubs are going to fail you,
and fall 4-2. Someone has 4 clubs, such as in the following
two possible cases:
case A) Pretend LHO had 4 clubs -- and the HK!
Case B) Or maybe either opponent had 4 clubs and the
SKQ!
Now, when you take all the diamonds, and the HA, and
SA -- leaving the clubs, just like cleaning the windows,
to be the last job, you may find that either:
Case A) LHO will not keep 4 clubs or the HQ in dummy
would be good.
Case B) One opponent will keep 4 clubs.. after discarding
the SKQ.
Now I know these two examples might not seem real probable,
but they do happen. All you need to remember is to take
your 4 clubs as the last chore (like getting husband to wash
windows) and all you are watching for is the fall of the HK,
or both the SK and SQ falling so your ten is then good.
Nothing like that happened? Then maybe clubs are all
dropping anyway. That is your last hope. And if someone
had 4 clubs and was squeezed out of their spade or heart
winner, tell your friends it was a simple squeeze... "Ho
Hum"
********************
You will find Captain (Andy Anderson) doing his
FireSide sessions on Tuesday evenings, at 8:00 P.M.
OKbridge time, and every other Saturday at 11:00 A.M.
Captain is a full time instructor on OKbridge,
offering group or individual lessons for anyone
ranging from novice to advanced players.
Email Andy for more information - andy@imagewireless.ca
............................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Pringle for this one:
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
Case in point: When Adam stayed out very late for a few
nights, Eve became upset.
'You're running around with other women,' she charged.
'You're being unreasonable,' Adam responded. 'You're the
only woman on earth.'
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
'What do you think you're doing?' Adam demanded.
'Counting your ribs,' said Eve.
...........................................................
DEALING WITH DANN
=================
Bidding Over Preempts
Well, I guess some of you do read my articles. OK, at
least some *one* does. Paul Vaillancourt (PKV) sent me
the following hand, and asked for some more information
on bidding over preempts.
Paul held:
S AQ865
H AQ9
D AT3
C K5
and heard his RHO open 3 clubs. Paul tried 4 spades.
This hand really doesn't suit the jump over a preempt.
The jump should show a solid (one loser opposite a
singleton) suit and extra values; here we might try
3NT or 3 spades.
Keep in mind that we show a good hand when we overcall a
preempt, not a hand we might overcall normally with. A
good suit and values are the minimum. Partner should
strive to raise us with any excuse.
Paul's partner certainly had an excuse. His hand:
S KJT832
H K6532
D 6
C 4
If we hold some hand similar to this, and hear pard tell
us they have values and a good suit -- which we know isn't
as good as our own spade suit -- then we need to take some
action. What action we take depends on what we think we
can do with the hand.
With no science, we might just try Blackwood over 3 spades
from pard, worst case scenario we are in 5 spades; this
should have some play. I like trying a 4 club cue bid, and
seeing whether partner cue-bids back a red suit, or meekly
returns to spades. If partner meekly retreats, then pass 4
spades. If pard cuebids, we then might roll out that happy
convention -- Blackwood -- and bid slam if pard has 3 aces.
Hopefully we can all learn a little from Paul's experience
and add it to our own to shorten our learning curve. Thank
you for the question, Paul! And happy Bridging all!!
Dann (POOKA) Kramer
********************
You will find Pooka (Dann Kramer) doing his FireSide
sessions on Monday and Thursday mornings, at 11:00 a.m.
OKbridge time.
Dann is available for lessons and/or tourney play.
For more information, write Dann at: Dann-Kramer@home.com
..........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Tuna for these 'head shakers'...
Justice
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was
awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after
breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners
of the store were understandably surprised at the
verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms.
Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won
$74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran
his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
apparently didn't notice that someone was at the wheel
of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol
Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing
by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener
was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house
because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in
the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a
case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's
insurance company claiming that the situation caused
him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune
of half a million dollars and change.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas
was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses after being
bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's
fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was
less than sought after because the jury felt that the
dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the
time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500.00
after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her
coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware
successfully sued the owner of a night club in a
neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor and knocked out her two front
teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded
$12,000.00 and dental expenses.
And just so you know that cooler heads do occasionally
prevail:
7. Kenmore Inc., the makers of Dorothy Johnson's
microwave, were found not liable for the death of Mrs.
Johnson's poodle after she gave it a bath and attempted
to dry it by putting the poor creature in her
microwave for, "just a few minutes, on low," The case
was quickly dismissed.
........................................................
MOOGAL'S FIRESIDE LOG
=====================
One of my favorite parts of this column is introducing
a new FireSide commentator. Bill (WINTAKA) Treble is
joining us on Saturdays at 11:00 OKB time, alternating
weeks with our favorite Tuesday evening commentator,
Captain!!
The very first Saturday FireSide Bidding Practice session,
hosted by Wintaka, seems to have been a huge success :-)
We had five rounds of bidders, with several new 'faces' in
the group, and overall had a really nice time. Wintaka's a
"born commentator", with his session rivaling Kaltica's for
endurance!
We hope to see you there on future Saturdays. Remember, look
for Wintaka's or Captain's table on Saturday mornings, 11:00
A.M. OKbridge time.
While Billy is known to some of you through his recent
Rainbow classes, as Colin's F2F Canadian Club (Alert!)
partner, and as the proponent of the Treble Rule
("Any partner who dares to raise your 6 card suit deserves
to hear you bid game!"), I knew you would enjoy getting to
know him a little better, so I asked him to write a few
words about himself [please note "few words" is NOT part
of his vocabulary :)]....
----------
I'm 47 years old and have played bridge since 1977, just
over half my life. So that means I'm officially addicted
and beyond any hope of redemption or salvation.
I have worked with the Canada Customs and Revenue Agency
(CCRA), our equivalent of the IRS, as an inquiries officer.
My non-bridge pursuits include swimming, curling and
attending music festivals. I am a great fan of most
types of music, and my heroes are Bruce Springsteen,
Billy Joel, the Rolling Stones and Stan Rogers in
particular.
I love traveling and have recently begun to go on camping
trips. I even went on a four-day canoe excursion two or
three years ago along with another OKBridger, Marlene
Pontifex (NANTICA) and her husband and friends. For some
reason I haven't been invited back for another trip, and I
wonder if it's because my paddling skills did not exactly
leave them awestruck. :}
My two favourite live bridge events are the ACBL Nationals
and the Red Deer IMP Pairs Calcutta, and I generally try
and go to at least two of those a year.
Turn-ons: folk and rock music, cheesecake, apple crisp,
prime rib, authentic Chinese food, bridge of all kinds,
Western Canadian regionals, NFL football, curling, watching
hockey in person, brunettes (you may want to edit out the
last part). [No way Bill, tho the blondes are crying:)]
Turn-offs: jazz and heavy-metal music, pickles and olives,
arrogant bridge players, Secretary Birds, watching hockey on
TV, Hollywood movies that extend what should be a 10 or 15
minute ending into a full half hour.
I've played bridge with a variety of partners over the
years, including Colin Ward, Len Doerksen, Tom Butterworth
(TOMBUT on OKB), Ray Hornby, Karl Nelson, and more recently
Dave McLellan and Bob Todd. The first regional win I had
was in Thunder Bay with Karl, Al Morin, and Shaune Bratsberg
in a Swiss Teams. That memory is especially poignant for
me, as Shaune later passed away from cancer in her
mid-thirties, a heart-wrenching loss for the Winnipeg
bridge community.
My most satisfying accomplishments have been my first win at
the Red Deer Calcutta in 1996 with Kai Cheng, and a regional
win in a Flight A pairs with Sekhar on the final day of the
1999 Vancouver Nationals, where both of us were absolutely
"in the groove" for the entire day. Topping them all was
doing well at the 2000 Canadian Bridge Week where our team
finished second in the Canadian National Teams round-robin
and then winning the Canadian Open Pairs with Dave McLellan.
Seeing my friend Andrew Petrick, with whom I operate a
bridge club here in Winnipeg, be part of the winning squad
this year in the Canadian National Teams Flight B, was also
quite a thrill. Another of my Winnipeg partners, the
afore-mentioned Marlene Pontifex (NANTICA) has also
qualified for the national final of the Canadian Women's
Teams on a couple of occasions.
I love playing bridge, obviously, but I also get a real
charge out of teaching it, either live or on the internet.
I've played other games and I think it's the best
intellectual pursuit around, because your game can always
be improved but never totally mastered. Also, with a few
exceptions, it has a social aspect that is very enjoyable
and at it's best all the players can be friendly and
convivial, being able to laugh at the outrageous fortune,
both good and bad, and their own brilliancy's and foibles.
----------
Welcome to Fireside Billy:)
=====================================================
West Coasters, we love ya! We have changed the time of
our Tuesday evening Fireside session to include more of
you....join Andy (CAPTAIN) on Tuesday evenings at 8PM
OKB time.
East coasters, play in the early tourney, drink
some coffee and then join us :))
=====================================================
OKB TOURNEY NEWS
Sun Oct 14 11:00 2001
Rank Team Score
1 ecofin/jccasper 2.70
Dale is on a roll, another win with his partner
Jccasper! Well, done!
Tue Oct 30 18:00 2001
Rank Team Score
1 Frodo/shep 61.42
A big YAY for Gail and Shelagh! I've played that Tuesday
night MPs tourney and that field is very tough! Congrats
to you both.:)
=====================================================
NOVICE/MENTOR TOURNEY
Congrats to Pat1227 and her partner Mercutia
who beat the best at the Novice Mentor Tourney!!
It pleased me no end to see that both our first
and second place pairs had mentors that showed
up at the partnership desk and volunteered to
play with a learning partner...I hope you realize,
Mercutia, Marion, and *all* the other mentors,
how very much the novices appreciate your time
and effort!!
Our top finishers:
Thu Oct 11 18:00 2001
Rank Team Score
1 mercutia/pat1227 62.32
2 marion/pearl2 61.52
3 joebacon/key 59.26
4 Andre55/BJ 59.26
5 Frodo/Kaltica 57.97
6 macc2/moth 57.87
7 AndyEdw/sue1 54.37
8 kendall/riggin 54.12
9 CarolK/jim8 53.56
10 Moogal/Tara 53.17
11 luc/ruftrade 53.14
12 hester/pascha 52.84
13 macaw/shep 50.26
Mentors and novices, join us this month on the 8'th!
Email me at moocake@aol.com or Laurie (BAGEL27) at
bagelbroad@fscv.net if you would like to find a partner
ahead of time, we'll do our best to match you up! I
promise you a fun evening.:)
=====================================================
MENTOR CUP GAMES
Oct 14 AND Oct 28: Team BOBOWEN: Bobowen, Queenhrt,
Pringle and Unicorn! Not often we have a
repeat winner!!
Well done to all of you and to our other top
finishers -- see who they are on our webpage at:
www.escape.ca/~cpw/mtc.htm.
Email me at Moocake@aol.com to get on the reminder
list for these games. All welcome!
*********************
IMPORTANT NOTE: The game of Nov 11 is being shifted one
week later to Nov 18, and then every two weeks after that.
This is to accommodate our FACT tourney (see below).
=====================================================
FACT: Fireside Amateur-Commentator Tourney
It's no secret that we are looking for ways to get
folks to support FireSide; we want to be able to
continue to provide our top-notch schedule of
commentators! We hope you will find this to be a
fun way to show your support!
Sunday, November 11th, 2001, at 10:00 A.M. PST we will
see the first annual Fireside Amateur-Commentator Tourney
("FACT"). Bid for the chance to play with a Fireside
Commentator and join in on the fun. This is a "free
tourney", so you do NOT need a tourney account in order
to play. There will be a small trophy for the winning
amateur and a consolation prize for the lowest finisher.
All proceeds go to the Fireside Fund.
The highest bidder will get hir choice of any of
the participating current/past Fireside Commentators
and OKBridge personalities listed at:
http://www.members.home.net/firesiders/fact.htm
The second highest bidder gets second pick, and so
on down the line until all the players are chosen.
You can place your bids in the form of a pledge by
emailing Sara Stobbe at:
Sara326@mediaone.net
There is no need to send a cheque until game day.
Just remember to mention your OKBridge username
in all correspondence.
"But what if I only want to play with one particular
Commentator?" No problem! Just say: "I'd like to
bid [amount in U.S. dollars] on [so-and-so]." You
can even say: "I bid [amount in U.S. dollars] on
[so-and-so] and, if s/he is not available, [so-and-so].
If that player goes to some higher bidder your bid
will be considered rescinded. Again, no problem.
"What if there are more bidders than celebrities?"
Not a problem. We will pair the remaining bidders
with each other so that they can join in on the fun.
Afraid you'll be outbid for your fav commentator??
Keep your eye on the bidding at:
http://www.members.home.net/firesiders/fact.htm
And don't let a fear that your bid will be too low
keep you from participating! Some of us (cough, cough)
anticipate we will go real cheap! :)
At 9:00 A.M. PST on Sunday, November 11th, one
hour before game time, we will meet at Believer's
table for the selection of Commentators. After
the game, we will meet up again and announce the
winners. Hand analysis will be sent out to
everyone the following day.
We hope to see you there and we thank you for
your support!
P.S. Do you have any ideas for other ways to encourage
support?? Email us!
=====================================================
Our very first bid in the FACT tourney came from
Lyn (LYNKOS). She agreed to let me share the note
accompanying her bid, with you all:
----------
First I would like to share some news with you. At a
sectional sponsored by my ACBL unit last month I finished
very well in 199er events, and my team won the non-life
master Swiss team event: for over 6 silver!! Two weeks ago
in a unit game event (non stratified) my first time
partner and I placed 1st EW and 2nd overall with a 63.55%
game. This past week at the Central States Regional I earned
9.62 (made it to top 25% in overall points!) playing in 6
events and won my 1st Gold points (3.45) Only .26 earned
in 199er pairs. I had decided to "play up" for the
experience and amazingly placed in each event.
I "graduated" from 99ers to 199ers this summer, and now
have about 130 masterpoints!
The reason I am telling you all this is not to brag, but
to say "Thank You!" :)) I feel I owe the Fireside program,
and Colin's Rainbow series and mentoring games, a great debt
of gratitude. You perform a most valuable service to
OKBridgers.
Therefore, I do not feel my bid is overly generous. Fireside
deserves support and I hope to encourage others. I certainly
hope you get a terrific response!
Sincerely,
Lyn LYNKOS
----------
Thanks Lyn!! Congrats on your super performance at those
tourneys, and we look forward to seeing you at the FACT
tourney!
=====================================================
Imogene (LOL6013) was so delighted to be chosen
as Tuna's Angelfish, that she decided to purchase
a lasting momento of the honor! Take a look at
the beautiful metal sculpture by Andy Brinkley,
of Hickory, NC, that now graces her home:
www.members.home.net/rainbowers/fish.htm
You can also see other works by this talented
artist by going to: www.funanimalgifts.com/ab140.html
=====================================================
We giggled at Colin's report on his tourney with Tuna
last month....but seems there is one hand he left
out. Tuna was very disappointed that Colin didn't
mention his Kaltica Overcall! So Tuna wants to
rectify that! Listen:
----------
Last month Colin wrote an amusing article for your wonderful
Newsletter about our tourney together. I know he likes to
get the last word in with his "And Finally Kaltica" but I
want to be heard near and far that I enjoyed our game and
hope we do it on a regular basis...How is the same
time next millennium Colin? Kidding buddy!
I liked the quote from Bill Treble "WINTAKA" in the last
edition "Colin gets away with bidding on this junk all the
time". I have an amusing related story.
My wife and I have had a few chuckles (and Bromos) over the
years when we see how Colin likes to mix it up when partner
is a passed hand. Can he take his own medicine? I decided
to see if he could deal with his own "Manitoba style" thrown
at HIM. So halfway through the game, YES I overcalled 2D!!!
GAG! Would he assume the identity of his partners and
not bury me?
Pairs Board 14
IMPs north
Vul: None S AKT87
H J5
D K832
C 94
west east
Kaltica tuna
S Q4 S J932
H QT764 H 983
D A65 D JT974
C AT7 C Q
south
S 65
H AK2
D Q
C KJ86532
Dlr: East
west north east south
Kaltica tuna
pass 1S 2D 3C
3D pass pass 5C
(all pass)
Opening Lead: D5
Result: -1
Score: -50, IMPs: +4.65
A happy ending (with some luck!). Maybe I'll start bidding
like him all the time!
P.S. I know you had a tough lead Colin, but remember next
time...Rule #2 is "never lead Tuna's suit" (although the
ace of my suit would have legitimately defeated the
contract).
Also note Rule #3 is "never raise Tuna". Everyone says you
are the world's greatest partner. What are the use of laws
if you are going to break them all? :)
=========================================================
Wish I had been at the Saskatoon regional. Could have
dashed out and bought some of the *wonderful* jam made in
that region, PLUS seen THREE of our commentators in action!
From Andy (CAPTAIN), who was there with Bill (WINTAKA) and
Dann (POOKA):
----------
I played with Bill in one event and we won the KO's :-).
Our partners were Mike Yuen (MYUEN) and Dave McClellan of
Thunder Bay, Ontario. FOUR provinces: Dave, the Ontarian,
Bill is Manitoba, I am Saskatchewan, and Mike is BC;
beating all 5 teams we met. Had our rough spots earlier
with some closer matches, but won the finals against an
Edmonton team by country mile!
Note, we did not allow a Alberta guy: POOKA!! LOL
-andy
********************
Bill also has a report for us from that tourney:
----------
"BRIDGE CITY" MAYHEM
Three of our OKB Fireside Commentators descended upon
the Saskatoon Regional from October 1 to 7 on their quest
for the laurels of victory and the almighty masterpoint.
Actually, it was more for the beer and the food, which
should not surprise anyone who knows Andy Anderson
(CAPTAIN), Dann Kramer (POOKA), or myself. Saskatoon
is a perfect venue for the meeting of card-playing friends
if only because of its nickname "City of Bridges", located
as it is on the shores of the South Saskatchewan River.
Many of the wayfarers from other cities and towns were
generously hosted by local players and invited for a
get-together between sessions at a different house every
day. Dave McLellan, one of my regular partners, came
from Thunder Bay to save my other so-called friends the
burden of having to play with me, and we stayed with Cathy
Sproule and her husband John Pulles. We noticed by reading
the daily bulletins that they were doing quite well raking
in the masterpoints, and John was the top man for the
entire regional heading into the final day.
In the first knockout teams, Dave and I played with Mike
Yuen, current ACBL president Jim Kirkham and his wife
Corinne, and former prexy Dick Anderson of Regina. After
winning our first match, we faced off against the POOKA-man,
Dann K himself and his wild bunch from Calgary. Dave and
I had a decent set in the first half and our partners did
even better as we surged out to a 55 IMP lead. It was my
turn to sit out the last twelve boards, so I chowed down on
a late breakfast and returned for the final tally,
whereupon my teammates assured me they had been successful
in advancing on, by the total of FIVE IMPS, having dropped a
mere fifty of our total margin in the second half!! So,
lessee, in my four sitouts in the last set of boards in team
matches this year, we've gone from +31 to -3, +16 to -26,
+23 to -11 and now +55 to +5. Well, at least we're making
some progress. :}
Not that I'm claiming that I was the prime mover and shaker
in the halftime success, you understand. Still, I vowed
that the only way they were ever prying my from MY seat from
now on was with a crowbar.
In our semifinal match we dispensed with the theatrics
and actually managed to increase rather than fritter away
our halftime lead, and so it was on to the finals, where we
played against the Jay Mann squad of Marilyn Hemenway and
four of Saskatchewan's finest, leading Canadian masterpoint
winner Kenny Gee along with Billy Zerebesky, Barry Harper
and Don Campbell. Dave and I got off to a nice start in the
first six boards, but Jay and Kenny fought back with some
good results of their own and after 12 boards we held a
slim 7-IMP lead. I was feeling a bit weary, so despite my
vociferous insistence on playing, I begged off and so Mike
and Dave went in for the second half. I chatted with
Marilyn for the next hour-plus and out came one of our pairs
with glum expressions on their faces.
However, their compatriots at the other table had managed to
generate some positive action our way and after 24 hands the
match was deadlocked, necessitating a four-board playoff.
Dave and I came in for the playoff and the first three
boards resolved nothing, game made at both tables, a
partscore brought home with an overtrick by each declarer,
and a slightly optimistic vulnerable game that failed by a
trick.
After these three push boards, I picked up:
S 4
H KQJ10
D QJ754
C AJ3
Partner opened 2NT and the auction gained momentum very
quickly:
East West
2NT 3C
3D* 3S
4H 4NT
5D 5NT
6D 7H
3C was Puppet Stayman, asking for four- or five-card
majors, and 3D denied a five-carder but promised four
cards in one or both majors. 3S showed hearts, 4H by
opener confirmed a fit, and it was off to the races with
responder's 4NT keycard request. The 5D answer showed
0 or 3 keycards, whereupon I bid 5NT, asking for specific
kings. Dave showed the K of diamonds while denying
a regal value in clubs, and I now bid the grand. Opener
still needed the spade king to even approach his opening
bid, and with the diamonds known to be running, he should
be able to toss club losers off on the side suit, then
ruff a club and pitch the other on the king of spades.
Partner's hand was:
S AKJ3
H A974
D AK6
C Q9
On a club lead, he rose with the ace and tested hearts.
If trumps are 3-2 the contract is frigid, but his RHO
showed out on the second round. Now he played Ace and
a second spade, ruffing on table, third round of trumps,
back to hand with the diamond Ace, extracting the last
annoyance with the nine of trumps, pitching a club off
dummy. The other club went on the King of spades, and
the diamond suit was good for the remaining tricks.
At the other table there was a key-card mixup and the
opponents languished in 6H, so we nipped out an exciting
victory at the wire.
Unlike Kaltica, I can actually rouse myself to get out
of bed at 8 in the morning, so in what he would describe
as a fit of insanity, I entered the second morning
knockouts, this time with Andy Anderson (CAPTAIN) as my
partner, and Mike and Dave as our teammates.
The first match was a threeway against two good teams and
we won both ends to advance to the quarterfinals, where we
upended the Mann squad again without having to go to
overtime. Our stiffest challenge was in the third round,
where we had an average set at our table in the first half
while Mike and Dave had an accident or two at the other
and we were down by 13.
On the very first board of the next half, Andy and I bid to
the full 7C which had no play, and since the opponents
had subsided in 3NT, just getting to six would have won 13
IMPs. Instead, we lost another major swing when we could
scarcely afford it. However, we battled fiercely, making a
couple of the sleaziest 3NT contracts of all time when the
opponents had ground to a halt at the two-level. I can
assure you their contracts were far more sensible than ours,
but the cards lay as they needed to and we managed to guess
accurately in the critical suits, so we snagged a bushel of
IMPs on those two boards. Then it was grand slam woes
again, when our opponents at the other table bid 7C as we
settled for 6NT, and the rally was complete as we scraped
by our doughty foes by a mere 2 IMPs.
In the final, we played against an quartet of Albertans
that included Peter Jones and Vince Lambert, who we have
played against numerous times in the Canadian National
Teams. Both of our pairs were humming along nicely and the
opponents were slightly off their usual form, and we emerged
with a 38 IMP triumph.
Finally, a bidding challenge for you in a pairs game.
With you occupying the South seat:
S 642
H 1075
D Q83
C AQ105
Partner opens 2C, strong and forcing, and the pest on
your right overcalls 3C, natural. You can't make a penalty
double, as that call would show an artificial negative, 0-4
HCP. So you pass, showing no great suit but 5+ points. The
opponents remain silent for the balance of the auction, as
partner now rebids 3H.
You decide to offer up a courtesy cuebid of 4C, and now you
hear 4D from opener. Not willing to encourage any further,
you retreat to 4H, but your bulldog persists with 4S. You
try and shake him off your leg with 5H, but he churns ahead
with 5S.
To review the auction thus far:
North South
2C (3C) pass* (p)
3H 4C
4D 4H
4S 5H
5S ?
So, what now? For all intents and purposes, besides the
already-shown club ace, you have denied ANY kind of first-
or second-round control. Yet partner is still committing us
to the six-level and looking for even bigger things. This
hand is strictly a matter of partnership trust. So you bid
the high card value you haven't YET shown, the diamond
queen, and depend on him to realize that you can't have
the ace or king instead, because you refrained from cue
bidding on either of your previous two opportunities. It
turns out that 6D will beget 7H from partner, his hand
being:
S A
H AKQJ864
D AK62
C 3
The Q of diamonds and three-card heart support is all
that opener needs, covering his two possible losers in the
suit with a high card and a ruff on dummy.
While we enjoyed some success at the bridge table, as
always the best part of the Saskatoon regional was meeting
some great new friends and renewing acquaintances with old
ones. The food was great and the wine was better.
Once, between sessions, I had three glasses of wine, two
above my usual quota, and before the evening game I drew
partner aside and cautioned her to be VERY worried, as I
proceeded to scarcely touch a right card all night and
played like an absolute buffoon.
At the same time that Andy and I were playing together, his
wife Curley also entered the winners' circle with her team
sailing through the second bracket of the knockout teams.
Kenny Sired also made the pilgrimage out with his
significant other, Marie Hawash (SHAMROCK). They played
with us in the final day of the Swiss Teams and turned in
results good enough to finish in the top three.
As for the other two alleged partnerships on our team,
well......if you can't say anything nice..... :} Kenny
paired up with Steve Lawrence in the Stratified Pairs on
Thursday and racked up a 64% game in the afternoon, but
were just getting tuned up and familiarizing themselves
with each other as they hit the afterburners en route to
a 75% game at night, winning by EIGHTY-FIVE matchpoints!!
When pressed for an explanation of his "mediocre" afternoon
outing, Kenny remonstrated, "You KNOW I don't do mornings
OR afternoons." The only guy in the world that makes Colin
look like an early riser by comparison. :}
It's a crying shame that Saskatoon only gets to host a
regional every four years, as I've been there on three
occasions and always had a wonderful time, as did virtually
everyone that attended. We'll see you again at "Bridge
City" four years hence!
********************
Last, and maybe not least, but definitely lots less than
Bill! :) we hear from Dann (POOKA) Kramer:
Although I very much enjoyed getting together with all my
bridge playing buddies, as far as playing goes -- my tourney
experience went from bad to worse. I missed getting a trip
to play in Houston by 4 match points, and had the worst
Swiss teams events that I can remember ever having to
complete the trip. Other than that though, I had a great
time! ....and the nice thing about bridge -- there's
always another day!
=======================================================
Going to Las Vegas Nationals? You have an assignment!
I need reports for my column next month...Please let
me know whom you met there, your bridge successes,
the tidbits that we can enjoy vicariously! Take
lots of pics, and email them to me, I'll make sure
they get posted!
And look for Fred (FREDW3), Dann (POOKA), and for
Richie (POMO) and RAIJA!
(We'll let you know if there are any schedule changes
for FireSide during the time of the Nationals.)
I won't be there, but I have a good excuse! My oldest
daughter is getting married on the 24th, and personally
I think I am holding myself together quite well, all
things considered. :))) Not sure my husband would agree,
and it helps to look a few times a day at the sign we
have up in our house: "Remember, a wedding is a HAPPY
occasion" :)
Sooooo, please get any news to me early in the month....
No promises as to my sanity in another week or so, after
I have wrapped 200 teeny little bottles of bubbles. :)
Don't worry I will *make* you all look at the pics
next month.:)
A big hug to all.....and see you at the FACT Tourney!
xoxox....Janice
========================================================
MENTORING SESSIONS
Some of our commentators are offering group mentoring
sessions. This is an easy, fun, and very affordable
way to get both bidding and play instruction with your
partner, friends, or as a single participant. Email
the commentator if you want information on joining
one of the established groups with spots available,
or to discuss a session at your convenience.
Kibitzers are welcome at most sessions.
Watch this spot for future sessions from our other
commentators also!
********************
KALTICA
Colin is currently holding sessions on Mondays, Tuesdays,
Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Email him for more information.
You can contact Colin at cpw@escape.ca.
........................................................
LBROWN
Private lessons and group mentoring sessions
scheduled at times convenient for you. Please email
Laura at laura@bridgeisfun.com for more info.
........................................................
POOKA
Was anybody's favorite dwarf Bashful? If so...Pooka offers
a "private" group mentoring session, in a hidden table
format, for those who would prefer a closed setting for
their mentoring sessions.
Contact Dann at dann-kramer@home.com for more
information.
=======================================================
FIRESIDE MEMORIAL FUND
The next time you need to make a donation in honor of,
or in memory of, a friend or loved one, consider
Fireside! We'll notify the recipient of your donation
(minus the amount of course) and note your kind thoughts
here, in my column.
Send it to Laura (LBROWN) or Colin (KALTICA) just as with
your regular donations, but be sure to include an email
address for the recipient, and, if the honoree is an OKB
member, their username. Also, please note if you do NOT
want it publicized here. Would appreciate also that you
email me the same info that you put in your note to Colin
or Laura. Honor someone, and help FireSide at the same
time!
========================================================
November Events: (All times Pacific)
NOVICE/MENTOR TOURNEY: Thursday, November 8,
6:00 P.M. A low-key introduction to the tourney
experience, sponsored by Fifth Chair.....see
www.fifthchair.org for more info on this and
their other services, including getting a mentor.
MENTOR CUP TEAM GAME: Sunday, 5:00 P.M. November 18.
See www.escape.ca/~cpw/mtc.htm for info and lists of
past winners. To get on the mailing list for this
game, email me at moocake@aol.com.
OKSCRIPT SEMINAR: OKScript seminars are held as demand
warrants. Email Kaltica to schedule a session, usually
available on the same Sunday as the Mentor Cup Game,
at 2:30 p.m. OKScript is an add-on program that saves
you many keystrokes while playing on OKB by sending
prepared text to the table, opps, or lobby at the
push of a button. Try to download the program BEFORE
the seminar by going to www.escape.ca/~cpw/okscript.htm.
For more information, email Colin at cpw@escape.ca.
FIFTH CHAIR INSTRUCTIONAL EVENTS:
SAYC NOVICE TEAM GAME:
Saturdays, at 8:00 a.m. PACIFIC. Newcomers very welcome!
In addition to the team game, there will be an open
table for those waiting to join the team game. This
table will also have a commentator.
2/1 TEAM GAME FOR INTERMEDIATE PLAYERS:
Saturdays, 1:30 p.m. Pacific. Novices are welcome in
spectator mode.
Look for the words 5'th CHAIR beside the server's name,
in the table notes, to attend either of these sessions.
********************
Moogal (Janice Kofman) stays busy collecting all sorts
of news about our FireSide family members to share with us.
Please help her out by emailing her any news or stories you
are willing to share with the group.
Janice's email address is moocake@aol.com
...........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Some additional tidbits for our education this month from
Pooka :-)
True Canadiana
1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a parka
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy
stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the
door is one meter above the ground.
8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes
are filled in with snow.
10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel
nightie with only 8 buttons.
11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
12. The local paper covers national and international
headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat
processing plant.
14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
16. You think the start of deer season is a national
holiday.
17. You head south to go to your cottage.
18. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the
bears won't prowl on your deck.
19. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
20. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage
making.
21. You find -40C a little chilly.
22. The trunk of your car doubles as a deepfreeze.
23. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your
finest jewelery and your Sorels.
24. You can play road hockey on skates.
25. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter
and Construction.
26. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
27. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
28. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night
in Canada".
29. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all
your Canadian friends!
.......................................................
ECOFIN'S FORWARD TO THE BASICS
==============================
Counting a Hand
If the advanced and expert players have an advantage over
the rest of us, it lies with both their ability and approach
to counting a hand. This article will focus on the most
useful approach to counting a hand.
If you are like me, most of the time I lead a suit and
count, 4, lead them again and count, 8, etc. While this
approach is better than not counting at all, it misses
perhaps the most important advantage of counting. That is,
one of the objectives of counting a hand should be to assist
you in placing cards and in determining the distribution of
the opponents.
Now, one of the advantages of playing at OKbridge is that
you can do some things that you cannot do very easily in
Face-to-Face play. You can kibitz at an advanced or expert
table, and practice counting the hands while you watch.
Instead of choosing "show all hands" choose "show one hand"
and pick only one player to watch. You can keep track of
the cards as they are played, and see how close you were
afterward by looking at the results browser.
Make a form that lists the four directions and the four
suits. Use this form while speccing to keep track of the
distribution, not necessarily the specific count, of a suit.
After a short period of time writing this on your "cheat
sheet" you will find it easier to do without the paper,
which of course is our goal in using this technique.
To see this, consider the following hand:
Your experts are playing IMPS, and the contract is 4H.
Dummy has:
S x
H J10xxx
D Jxx
C AQxx
Declarer has:
S AQxx
H AQx
D KQx
C 10xx
Declarer's right hand opponent has opened with 1D, Declarer
overcalls 1NT, and the bidding progresses until we end up
in 4H.
The first item of note is that we should know where
virtually all the high cards are on this hand. Between
Dummy and declarer's hands there are 25 HCP. RHO opened the
bidding, so must have at least 12 HCP. Clearly, the most
that the LHO can hold is 3 HCP, thus he might have the CK,
the HK, or two jacks.
The opening lead is the DT. We play small, RHO plays the
DA, and we play the DQ, thereby creating a much-needed
entry to the board. On the diamond continuation, we play
small out of our hand, LHO plays small, and we win with
the DJ.
Now it is true that there have been 8 diamonds played.
However, you also know something else. LHO played high-low
in diamonds, and given the bidding, this clearly indicates
that he holds a doubleton in this suit. Thus, you also know
that RHO has 5 diamonds.
We now lead the HJ from the board and RHO plays small,
we play and LHO follows suit. We lead another heart,
and when RHO plays small, we play the Q, and LHO follows
suit. To be sure, we know that there is only one more
trump out and it is the K, and we know that RHO holds this
card. However, and this is what is important, we now have
more information about the distribution of both opponents.
We can account for 8 of RHO's cards, 5 diamonds and 3
hearts, while LHO has 2D and 2H. Thus, almost by
implication, LHO has long spades and long clubs, while
RHO can only hold 5 cards in these two suits.
We now play the HA, and LHO discards the S3, while RHO
follows with the HK. Suppose we now lead a club to
partner's CA, with both opponents following suit. We lead
the small spade from the board and finesse the SQ, with both
opponents following suit. After that, we play the SA, on
which both opponents follow suit small. We lead another
spade, and ruff it on the board, while RHO plays the SK.
What do we know about RHO's distribution? We know that he
held 5D, 3H, and 3S; therefore he has 2C while LHO held 2D,
2H, 5S, and 4 clubs. It is clearly safe to lead a small
club from the board. If RHO has the CJ, LHO cannot afford
to overtake the trick because it sets up our CQ, if RHO has
the CK, our CQ sets up.
The point of this exercise is to suggest that you learn to
count the distribution of each of your opponents as well as
counting the number of cards played in each suit.
This method of practicing counting also works well if you
get some of your OKb friends together, and serve a N/C table
to practice at. Keep in mind that we do not do this in
competitive play. Referring to a CC or notes is not
considered acceptable in any form of competitive bridge,
face to face or online. By the same token, keeping written
track of cards played should not be done in the competitive
environment, but it can be a useful technique to learn
better concentration.
********************
You can email Ecofin (Dale Bails) at: Ecofin2@aol.com
...........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to BobW for this one:
An applicant was filling out a job application. For the
question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in
the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
...........................................................
SPECIAL TREATS 1
================
We have two "Special Treats" for you this month. Our
first contribution comes from Bob (McPhee) McPhee. We
really enjoyed it, and we know you will, too :-) Thanks,
Bob!
********************
Da Void
This was it, final shot. I hate it when he chuckles
like that as you claim all tricks, missing an easy slam
it appears. It sort of sounds like a gurgle of sorts,
we mortals have heard it on occasion. I plan my revenge,
just waiting for the time I can extract my moment from the
great champion.
I do not wait long, getting what I think is clearly the
best hand of the tournament:
S KQ109
H 10
D AKQJ10976
and zero clubs (I checked)
SRHO (superstar right hand opponent) begins the bidding with
1C, no shock to us really, so we content ourselves with 1D.
SLHO (yup another one) calls 1H, and my partner, bless him,
he up and mentions the spades, honest he did. That's when I
was getting excited, no prompting -- 1S just like that.
How many was now the issue, not even past the one level no
less. Dble from SRHO, support I'm told. Now is the time for
super jump, a special toy of mine really needing no
explanation, what the hell is partner NEVER passing?
Exactly, 4H, the standout void showing splinter, what can
go wrong.
4H I bid smartly, Double (I can stand a different lead is
how they play this double, which suits me just fine) 4S
calls partner proudly. Pass and it's my turn, and passing
does not seem exactly best, what can he have -- Ace 5'th
and out would make 7 a big favorite, so I take the plunge
to 6, just in case. Sure enough my SRHO tables a club, and
I place down my trumps, and slowly lay down all those great
big D winners.
The lines on SRHO face are getting tighter with the 6'th,
7'th, and now 8'th D. The sweat has built. I plop the H
down last, and SRHO is not at all pleased. My partner,
however, is beaming -- discarding the H on his A of C. He
can not contain himself, bouncing around like a kid in a
candy store. "Boy, I bet you were thinking of doubling 6
with those 2 aces eh? Bet you're glad you didn't now,
right, huh?"
Partners hand was 76432 of spades and the AQ of C, so we
chalk up 1430. You think when he calls me 'hot shot' now,
he'll mean it?
********************
You can write to Bob at: bobmcphee@hotmail.com
..........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thank you, Luc, for this one:
Heavy Housework
Johnson goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at
home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic
and the garage, moving and hauling stuff around."
"We're short-handed, Johnson," snapped his boss. "I can't
give you the day off."
"Thanks boss," says Johnson, "I knew I could count on
you!"
...........................................................
SPECIAL TREATS 2
================
Many thanks to Capthook for this contribution to our
"Special Treats" column this month. Enjoy!
********************
Capthook's Adventures In Cardplay
=================================
A Squeeze Without The Count
Seeing a title like "A Squeeze Without The Count," half the
people this article was written for have probably stopped
reading before getting this far :-)
This hand, played in a Regional Open Pairs, is not about a
squeeze, although one actually takes place. It is not about
a squeeze without the count, which is somewhat more
difficult than just a simple squeeze. It is about the most
basic thing that can improve the play of almost every
player, counting. Just a simple case of counting to 13.
I was in the second seat with neither side vulnerable.
After a pass on my right, holding:
S Kx
H ATxxxx
D J
C J9xx
I opened 2H. My partner raised to 4, and a small spade was
lead. This is what I saw:
S 84
H KQJ
D AK53
C AQ72
S K5
H AT8753
D J
C J964
The spade lead was won by the Ace on my right, and trick two
was won by the King in my hand. This was matchpoints, so
overtricks count. It seemed I had 11 tricks for sure, and
if the King of clubs was doubleton on my left, or the ten of
clubs doubleton on my right, and I guessed correctly, I
could make 12 tricks. With that in mind I drew trumps,
ending in my hand, taking notice of the 3-1 split with LHO
holding the singleton. I played a fourth round of trump to
put a little pressure on the opponents. Then it was time to
play clubs. I led low to the Q expecting it to lose, at
which point I would claim my 11 tricks. But the Queen held
the trick.
I now had to decide how to play the second round of clubs.
I could play the Ace and take 12 tricks if the K was
doubleton, or I could lead the Jack hoping the ten was
doubleton on my right so the nine would win the last trick.
Before I tell you what I did, you have to decide what should
have been pitched from dummy on the fourth round of trumps.
Was it the useless club, or the useless diamond?
At this point, with the lead in dummy, I cashed the Ace and
King of diamonds, pitching a club from my hand, and ruffed
the third round of diamonds.
Did you decide to keep the fourth diamond or the fourth
club? I kept a diamond. My last three cards were:
S -
H -
D 5
C A7
S -
H 3
D -
C J9
The moment of truth was here. The problem was, I had been
sleeping for the last ten tricks. The hand was too easy, so
I had fallen into my normal bad habit of not watching all
the discards.
At least I had watched the trump, so I knew LHO probably had
more clubs, because he had less hearts than RHO. But, I
also knew I should cash the last trump before leading the
club of my choice. I knew if my LHO had started with three
clubs and five diamonds he would be squeezed on this trick.
I also knew I had not been watching what the opponents had
been discarding, and even if a diamond was pitched by my
RHO, I would not know if the 5 of diamonds was my 12th
trick. I was quite upset with myself, since squeezes are
one of my favorite plays.
Since it was proper technique to play the last trump, even
if I pitched the wrong card from dummy, that is what I did.
This time I was lucky. My LHO did indeed start the hand
with 5 diamonds (that way RHO, who started with 3, could no
longer hold any) and 3 clubs. He had to pitch a diamond,
setting up the 13'th diamond I had carefully kept in dummy
up to this point, or a club, unguarding his king. His
choice was to keep the diamond. He knew the diamond was
good in dummy if he pitched his, so let go of a club.
It was easy at that point to just cash the remaining clubs
for 12 tricks. My technique was perfect, and I got a good
score.
This is a perfect example of what every bridge player should
do on every hand. Count, count, count. Even if the hand
looks simple, count. This is also an example of a squeeze
without the count. Not the normal count of losers, but a
lucky declarer making the extra trick in spite of not
counting. Please don't show this article to my LHO, he
thinks I am a good player and would be disappointed if I
did not know what I was doing right from the beginning.
The entire hand was:
North
S 84
H KQJ
D AK53
C AQ72
West East
S AJ962 S QT73
H 962 H 4
D 864 D QT972
C 83 C KT5
South
S K5
H AT8753
D J
C J964
All that was necessary to make the extra trick was to count
the diamonds as the opponents discarded them. If the last
one was not good the clubs had to be. All bridge players
should make the promise to count every hand. When that
happens everyone will be an expert.
********************
You can email CaptHook at: einberg@mediaone.net
.........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to MaxJ for this one :-)
Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day...
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding? Are your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her, and its prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain... do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure up, your good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit, Metamucil to boot,
keeps you like a well-oiled machine.
If it's football, or baseball...he sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at...but forgets what it's for.
So, your gall bladder's gone. But his gout lingers on.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
If you're hungry, he's not. If you're cold, then he's hot.
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.
How'd he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets, this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
....................................................
SHEP'S ADVENTURES
=================
Read!
As well as playing, with or without a mentor, it is very
important for the aspiring bridge expert to read. Anything,
everything, all the time! It worked for me, anyway.
There are 5 new titles from Master Point Press that I'd
encourage you to try. Three of them are part of the "Bridge
Technique Series" by David Bird and Marc Smith. They are
"Planning the Defense", "Tricks with Finesses", and "Reading
the Cards". They are short books on one specific topic of
Bridge play technique, well written, with lots of good
quizzes to let the student evaluate his progress. This
brings the total number of titles in this series to twelve.
They are geared to intermediate players, and I recommend all
of them.
For the more advanced student, we have "Thinking on
Defense", by Jim Priebe. This is subtitled "The art of
visualization at bridge", and in fact, what you are taught
here will help your declarer play as well. Jim takes you
through the nuts and bolts of leads and signals, and then
helps you through the difficult process of learning how to
think like an expert, and to visualize hands to make the key
decisions. He talks about the kinds of tactics that can
make up your defensive plan. This is followed by a Quiz of
40 challenging hands. Some of them were easy for me, but
most of them had some subtle traps that needed careful
reasoning. I recommend this for Advanced players who want
to make it to the Expert level. Hard work, but well worth
it!
Last and certainly not least is "The Best of Bridge Today
Digest". It is a collection of the best articles from
Matthew & Pamela Granovetter's email magazine, "Bridge Today
Digest". There are five chapters, Great Hands, Questions
and Answers, Embarrassing Mistakes, Rulings and Committees,
and Play Like an Expert. My favourite was Rulings and
Committees. It is very useful to read about these matters,
especially as presented here, with a good discussion of each
hand and the issues involved. We all have a duty to
educate ourselves so we can behave ethically in difficult
situations. This is a great way to do that, and fun to read
besides. The Granovetters also publish "OKbridge Today", a
daily e-mail article that you can get as an OKBridge member,
by signing up at: http://www.okbridgetoday.com/
With the holidays coming, add some of these to your wish
list, and tell your friends. Make a "rule" for yourselves
that you will read at least a little every day, and your
game will improve. I promise.
********************
You can find Shelagh doing her FireSide sessions
on Tuesdays, at 11:00 A.M. OKbridge time.
SHEP (Shelagh Paulsson) is available for private
lessons at OKbridge tourneys. After the tourney the
student gets lessons arising from the hands by e-mail.
She also does regular weekday group mentoring sessions.
If you are interested in attending, or for more
information, you can reach Shelagh by email at:
shep@bridgementor.com
...........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
A big 'thank you' to O_Bones for this one:
Subject: Take a moment for a laugh!
The Sydney Morning Herald recently published a contest for
readers in which they were asked to supply alternative
meanings for various words:
Abdicate (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted (adj.) Appalled over how much weight you
have gained.
Negligent (adj.) Describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) An olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Coffee (n.) A person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) A rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude (n.) The formal, dignified demeanor assumed
by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.) A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.) The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
.........................................................
TREBLE'S TABLE TALK
====================
Jump!
=====
I get up....and nothin' gets me down
You got it tough...I seen the toughest bro' around
And I know, baby just how it feels
You gotta roll with the punches, and get to what's real
--Van Halen
And no, I'm not a particularly huge fan of these guys, but I
first heard the tune during a basketball highlight reel for
March Madness, and it struck a chord with me for some reason
that I can't really explain.
A couple of weeks after venturing afield and playing in the
Saskatoon Regional, I made another trip, all the way across
town, to play in the Colours of Autumn Sectional at our
local Tuxedo Bridge Studio. After the tension-packed
moments of some achingly close team events at the regional,
I was looking forward to some nice, friendly pitching of
cards back here in River City. Instead, the bridge was
even livelier, and the competition every bit as intense and
heated, as it had been out west.
Slams were the central theme of most of the hands I played
and watched during the sectional, hence the title for this
article. It started Friday afternoon midway through the
session, as my LHO, an up and coming player that has made
great strides in the last few years, picked up:
S AQJ942
H A4
D AKQJ10
C void
Pass, pass, 1H by RHO. So much for the idea of starting
out with a 2C opening. She ventured forth with a takeout
double, intending to jump to the stratosphere in her long
suit at her next turn. However, a fly in the ointment now
made an unwelcome intrusion as LHO bid 1S! Partner bids
1NT, righty passes, and now? Looking at each opponent in
turn, you would see me on your right having opened in third
chair. Yeah, certainly, I can be trusted. In a pig's eye.
How about LHO? Well, that's Drew Petrick, who sometimes
makes bids that cause Kaltica to shudder in fear. The
opponents can't be totally on the level because of partner's
bid, but exactly how far out in left field are they here?
The only natural forcing bid available was 3D, although
perhaps 3S should be natural and suggestive of a psychic
response by LHO. She duly jumped in diamonds, and the
auction lurched along thusly:
South West North East
pass pass 1H dbl
1S 1NT pass 3D
pass 3H pass 3S
pass 3NT pass pass
pass
A club was led and 3NT made nine tricks exactly, as partner
had:
S 6
H KJ1096
D 954
C K653
Just absolutely typical, the opponents bid hearts and spades
and lead.... clubs? Gimme a break. Oops, forgot, RHO is
Bill Treble of CANT (Clubs Against NoTrump when in doubt)
fame. Spades were 4-2, with Kxxx in LHO's hand and 10x with
righty, so either 6D or 6S will come home easily. West
should perhaps support diamonds instead of bidding the
reflex 3NT, but the problem arose with East's takeout
double. The dilemma could have been averted had she bid 2H,
Michaels. If the opponents keep their yappers shut, the
hand can cuebid again, then introduce diamonds and finally
show the extra length in spades. This would show an
absolute rock of a hand and demonstrate a marked interest in
slam. It's doubtful that West is going to be able to drive
to six with his actual hand, but at least the recommended
bidding should land East-West in a spade contract instead
of notrump.
Well, perhaps the hands would be tamer in the evening
session. Dream on, cackled the bridge gods, as you are
innocently put in a 1S overcall after RHO opens 1C holding:
S KJ1075
H A874
D 1043
C 6
and the auction blazes away from that point on:
North East South West
1C 1S 2D 2H
pass 3H 3S 4D
pass 4H 5H pass
6C pass pass dbl
pass pass pass
And it's your lead. You try and decline the honour
but your selfish partner refuses to put himself on the
firing line, so you squirm in your chair and try to
work it out. Is LHO attempting to throw you off the
scent with a phony 5H cuebid, or does he really mean
it? Well, partner bid 4D and then doubled the slam, so
he seems quite eager to get a lead of that suit. Then
again, maybe a trump is the right thing to do as the
opponents have climbed up to slam on what appears to be
a wing and a prayer. East finally sighed and led a
diamond. Nope, it wasn't exactly the dagger to their
hearts, as the entire hand is:
North
S 643
H K103
D 6
West C KJ964 East
S Q82 S KJ1075
H QJ9652 H A874
D AQ5 D 1043
C 3 South C 6
S A9
H void
D KJ9872
C Q10872
With the 3-3 diamond split, North was able to ruff
out your partner's honours and establish the suit for two
spade pitches. Neither hearts or clubs was going to do
it for you either, and the only lead to set the contract
was a spade, a choice that was not exactly at the forefront
of your thoughts. You congratulate the loon in the South
chair on his bidding acumen, wondering why this foolishness
is invariably rewarded instead of punished. Perhaps
you've just had the misfortune of playing against Victor
Mollo's creation the Rueful Rabbit, attended by his
ever-present guardian angel.
After being on the plus side of the first two hands, I
suffered an acute embarrassment of reaching a ludicrous
slam when playing with Dave Brough on Saturday. Here's
the North-South hands and how the bidding proceeded:
North
S 4
H AKJ87
D AJ1092
C A3
South
S KQ53
H Q964
D 754
C K6
North South
1H (3C) 4H
5C 6H
Dave felt that his with potential tricks in spades and a
helper in clubs, he should accept my slam try. The problem
was, I didn't need ANY help in the black suits, just working
values in diamonds and hearts. Hands like these are often a
matter of guesswork, regardless of whether you play classic
or Italian-style cuebidding. We discussed these kind of
auctions subsequently and decided the person inviting slam
should bid the cheapest suit he requires assistance in.
Responder therefore discounts values in any suit that has
been bypassed by partner. Thus, on the actual bidding,
South should treat his hand as an effective five-count and
sign off in 5H as North did NOT ask for help in spades.
Because of that, there is a very strong indication that
the KQ of spades will be facing shortness in opener's hand.
Is this concept useful in ANY slam-going auction? That's
somewhat debatable, as traditional cuebidding is fairly
effective when the two hands are fairly close in terms of
point count. Where the "help-suit" method really shines is
where one hand is considerably stronger than the other, and
needs to know only one or two SPECIFIC things. An auction
like this, where responder's 4H raise is limited and could
be based just on distribution and/or a lot of hearts, would
be a prime candidate. Another situation is where one hand
has 20+ HCP and has opened 2C or 2NT.
During the Sunday Swiss Teams, the number of slam hands that
we personally encountered were few and far between. Since I
was on a six-person team, I got to sit out a couple of
matches and for one of them I wandered over to another table
and kibitzed a friend of mine. In rapid succession, two
more slam decisions came up, one in each direction:
West:
S A
H KQJ6
D AK8752
C K9
East:
S KJ843
H A10
D J6
C A1052
West East
1D 1S
2H 3C
3D 3NT
With diamonds splitting 3-2, either 6D or 6NT rolls home,
and the slam was duly bid at the other table. My initial
reaction was that West should have bid again over 3NT,
probably with a boost to 4NT, quantitative. The reason is
that East is promising at least a reasonable 11 count, since
he would have jumped to 3NT on his previous turn with 8-10
points and soft values.
However, upon further reflection, I think East is the
primary culprit on this auction. From West's point of view,
once he shows the six-card or longer suit with his 3D rebid
and partner failed to raise, it's quite possible that his
diamonds are facing shortness in the East hand. Opposite a
singleton or void in responder's hand, slam would be
distinctly against the odds. Even if you discount the
KJ of spades, responder's hand contains four "goodies" for
opener: the two aces, the ruffing value in hearts, and the
doubleton honour in the suit partner has shown extra length
in. To use a favourite expression of both Kaltica and
Wintaka, "partners love to be raised", and failing to show
support when you have it frequently leads to ignoble results
such as this one. Your cohort then begins to wonder if
you're REALLY on his side or if you're an infiltrator for
the enemy. :}
Right on the heels of that hand, North-South got their kick
at the cat with:
North
S AK5
H AQ10
D A3
C AJ1084
South
S J1042
H 6
D KQ64
C Q973
6C is a reasonably fair proposition, as you can ruff two
hearts on dummy and toss your third-round spade loser on a
diamond, with the only potential loser being the trump king.
At the other table, North opened 2C and then rebid 2NT over
the 2D response, showing 22-23 balanced. South then asked
for majors with 3C and subsided in 3NT when partner failed
to co-operate with 3H or 3S. You can't really fault the
auction, as the slam is not there on point count, and it's
not that reasonable for South to make a further try. There
just wasn't enough room to safely explore for a club fit.
That wasn't the case at the table I was watching, as North
decided to open 1C instead, leading to this auction:
North South
1C (1H) dbl
2H 2S
3NT pass
Once partner made a negative double, North bid the hand
very well, taking the "scenic" route to 3NT by cuebidding
hearts first. In so doing, she was displaying a marked
interest in trying for slam, an inference that South failed
to grasp. Regardless, the key error by South was not so
much in passing 3NT, but in the wretched 2S bid. Since he
had already confirmed holding four spades with his original
double, the indicated bid here is 3C, raising partner's
original suit and giving her some new information about
responder's hand that opener might be vitally interested in.
Instead, South merely regurgitated what opener ALREADY knew,
so North had nothing better to do at this point other than
jump to the notrump game, as she could no longer expect more
than three clubs in partner's hand. What was it I said on
the preceding hand? Something about partners loving to be
raised? The raise here by South would easily propel his
side into 6C and a sizable pickup. Failure to support
instead led to just another push board.
The interesting thing here is that the 2C opening at the
other table, followed up by the 2NT rebid was quite correct
technically, but there was now insufficient bidding space
for responder to explore all strains. As quite often
happens, it's easier to find slam when the bidding is opened
at the one-level because of the additional room the
partnership has to "check things out". I'm not by any means
touting the 1C opening here, as game COULD be missed if
partner fails to respond with 4-5 HCP. The North player
certainly realized this but I believe she opted for the 1C
opening as her side was non-vul and even if game was missed
the adverse swing would not be a huge one. At any rate, it
was a prescient decision that would have succeeded wildly if
partner at some juncture in the auction had mustered up a
delayed raise of opener's suit with his Qxxx.
Finally, just to show that I haven't got a one-track mind, a
competitive bidding problem from the same match. With your
side vul, RHO opens 1S and you have:
S 965
H QJ7
D AK4
C AQJ5
You bounce in with a takeout double, not ideal in terms of
shape, but you have a lot of points and your values are
pure. LHO raises to 2S, partner of course passes, as does
opener, back to you. Both South players doubled again in an
effort to contest the partscore. I believe the second
double is misguided for three reasons:
1) Less than ideal shape. The first double is acceptable
because despite the flawed distribution, it has a
king more than opening bid values. However, to force
the bidding to the three level, as you are doing here,
requires extra values AND active support for any suit
partner chooses to bid.
2) Partner just can't have that much. RHO has opened and
LHO has raised, so partner can have at most 4 HCP, and
if EITHER of the opponents has anything extra for their
bids, you may find pard with a mere 1 or 2 points.
3) If partner has only one spade, the opponents will have
a nine-card fit and simply use LOTT to press on to 3S.
If she has two spades, then you will almost certainly
go down in whatever contract your side plays. In other
words, the chances of a plus your way are slight at best
regardless of whether the opponents pass or bid on.
Anyway, the holder of these cards at each table doubled
again, partner removed to 3D which was doubled by LHO. The
entire hand:
North
S Q4
H 9653
D J9763
West C 74 East
S A103 S KJ972
H K104 H A82
D Q1082 D 5
C 1072 South C K983
S 965
H QJ7
D AK4
C AQJ5
3D doubled went an inglorious two down for -500. You might
argue that it was unlucky partner has the wasted Queen of
spades and the trump break was not friendly, but the King of
clubs was onside and hearts are 3-3, so the opponents can't
score a ruff. Also, partner did have a five-card suit to
bid, so that was a bonus for your side. The bottom line is
that the South's second double was an action that had a
minuscule upside and a considerable downside. Therefore, it
is just NOT an appropriate choice at teams and got more or
less what it deserved.
OK, I'm about done frothing at the mouth, at least until
the next issue of the FSC, when you get to hear me spout off
again on another topic. So long for now, and happy bridging
to all.
*************************
You will find Bill doing his FireSide sessions on
alternating Saturdays at 11:00 A.M. OKbridge time.
You can write to Wintaka (Bill Treble) at:
btreble@escape.ca
Wintaka and Kaltica present classes on:
SAYC (Rainbow Series)
2/1 (Spectrum series)
Precision (Prism Series),
and other selected bridge topics (Kaleidoscope series).
They also offer private/group lessons and/or supervised
play sessions. Email Bill (btreble@escape.ca) or
Colin (cpw@escape.ca) for more information.
...........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thank you to Wheels for these:
Trivia
1. The first couple to be shown in bed together on
prime time television was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
2. Coca-Cola was originally green.
3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than
the US Treasury.
4. Men can read smaller print than women; women can
hear better.
5. The State with the highest percentage of people
who walk to work: Alaska
6. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:
28% --- now get this...
7. The percentage of North America that is
wilderness: 38%.
8. The cost of raising a medium size dog to the age
of eleven: $6,400.
9. The average number of people airborne over the US
any given hour: 61,000.
10. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in
their hair.
11. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and
lived in China in 1910.
12. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
13. The first novel ever written on a typewriter:
Tom Sawyer.
14. That San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile
National Monuments.
15. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a
great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
16. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in
battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died as a result of wounds received in
battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground,
the person died of natural causes.
17. Only two people signed the Declaration of
Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles
Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the
last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
18. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the
English language.
19. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the
machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the
conveyor belt.
20. No NFL team, which plays its home games in a
domed stadium, has ever won a Superbowl.
21. The only two days of the year in which there are
no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL)
are the day before and the day after the Major League
all-stars Game.
********************
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.
Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other
TV show?
A. No theme song.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the
most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would
you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield
wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any
other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs
Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people
at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet
........................................................
AND FINALLY KALTICA
===================
And Now For Something COMPLETELY Different
******************************************
Some have asked me how I got into teaching in the
first place. But do they mean how did I get into
teaching *bridge* or teaching *in general*?
About five years ago I volunteered to be a personal
tutor for the Fifth Chair organization. Marcia "Tarsh"
West paired me up with a delightful lady from Rainy
River, Minnesota: Mary "MaryKu" Kuldanek. Mary and I
became fast friends. It was Mary who suggested that I
consider teaching bridge full time.
Tracing backwards, before bridge I taught, coached
or lectured on: computers, creative writing, jujitsu,
chess, and self defence for women. But my *first*
teaching/coaching subject would come as a surprise to
everyone who knows me now. Would you believe...golf?
[Editorial note: When Colin told her this,
Moogal reeled in shock and asked: "Outside?"] :)
In my youth I was a very brash sort. Others
would use a harsher word, I'm sure, but, hey, I'm
telling the story and *I* am going with "brash".
Suffice it to say that I learned humility and tact
somewhat later on in life. :)
At the tender age of 15 I worked as a caddy at our
local golf & country club. During the annual Ladies'
Championship one Mrs. MacGregor picked me out of the
lineup of caddies. She was considerate enough to
tell me that with her dismal 26 handicap she would be
a strong favourite to finish dead last. I could not
hope for a 10% caddy's share of any prize money. :(
Did I want to caddy for her anyway? Sure, no
problem.
Usually caddies--especially 15-year-old caddies--do
not say much to their players. But this Mrs. MacGregor
would have Chat Lehmans very close to Moogal's and
Believer's. She tried striking up a conversation with
me on the first tee, but I remained tight-lipped.
[Editorial note: Colin? Tight-lipped?] :)
It wasn't until we strolled down the third fairway
that she paraphrased something she'd heard from a well
known authority: "Golf is a beautiful stroll, sadly
interrupted."
I muttered something under my breath as I handed
her a 5-iron.
"What did you say?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing," I shrugged.
"No, don't be shy. Tell me what you said. Please."
I relented.
"Golf is an exercise in desire."
She narrowed her eyes, thought about this for a
while, and then asked me to elaborate.
"You gotta want to hit the ball into the MIDDLE of
the hole," I told her. "Nothing less will do."
She looked at me blankly, so I continued.
"If you focus on that, everything else will become
a distraction. Husband, kids, pets, world peace--even
important stuff like whether or not the San Francisco
49ers will make the playoffs this year!"
She giggled.
"But don't you mean `focus' or `concentration'
rather than `desire'?"
"Nope," I retorted boldly. "Desire. Focus and
concentration will come out of desire like calves out
of cows. You'll see."
I had given her a mantra, stolen from a John
Prine song: "The MIDDLE of the hole!" And, for the
next 14 holes, that was *all* that I would say to her.
I handed Mrs. MacGregor her driver on the tee of
the par five 13th.
"The MIDDLE of the hole," I reminded her.
"But the pin is 500 yards away!" she objected.
"The MIDDLE of the hole," I insisted blithely.
On the 15th she canned a 40-footer, rimming it
around the edge until it fell in with a "plonk".
She danced about the green, brandishing her putter
and shouting "A-L-R-I-G-H-T!" until she glanced in
my direction and saw me shaking my head glumly.
"The MIDDLE of the hole," I reiterated solemnly.
On the 18th, she was left with a 1-inch putt.
When she stroked it into the dead center of the cup
I jumped up and shouted: "Well done! Your first
good shot!" We both collapsed into laughter. :)
Mrs. MacGregor didn't finish last, as expected.
Instead, she claimed second overall! She was
deliriously happy, and told many of her golfing
buddies about the experience. Soon, my phone was
ringing off the wall.
So what does this have to do with bridge?
A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y N-O-T-H-I-N-G !
Maybe. :)
********************
There was pressure on the right
Pressure on the left
Pressure in the middle of the hole
I'm going to Maine on the very first train
Gonna use it for a fishing pole.
We are living in the future
Ask me how I know
I read it in the papers
Fifteen years ago
We're all riding rocket ships
And talking with our minds
Wearing turquoise jewelry
And standing in soup lines.
- from "Living in the Future", by John Prine
*************************
You'll find Kaltica (Colin Ward) doing his FireSide
sessions on Friday evenings at 5:30 P.M. OKbridge time.
Kaltica and Wintaka present classes on:
SAYC (Rainbow Series)
2/1 (Spectrum series)
Precision (Prism Series),
and other selected bridge topics (Kaleidoscope series).
They also offer private/group lessons and/or supervised
play sessions. Email Colin (cpw@escape.ca) or
Bill (btreble@escape.ca) for more information.
..........................................................
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks again to BobW for these:
Travel Agents And Their Crazy Clients
The following are supposedly actual encounters related by
travel agents. (You wonder why U.S. citizens score less
than the rest of the world on geography!)
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would
it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train
to Hawaii?"
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information when she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to
make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."
Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I
calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is
in South Africa." Her response: click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I
asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said
he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain
that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the
state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map
and Florida is a very thin state."
A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was
possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and
got into Chicago at 8:33a.m. I tried to explain that
Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not
understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her
the plane went VERY fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs
to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well,
when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my
luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any
connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I
"looked into it" I came back and explained the city code for
Fresno is FAT (Fresno Air Terminal), and that the airline
was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I
know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he
meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is
823, but none of these darned planes have numbers on them."
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one
of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
A business man called and had a question about the documents
he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy
discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had
to have on of those." I double checked, and sure enough,
his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,
"Look, I've been to China four times and every time they
have accepted my American Express."
..........................................................