FIRESIDE CHAT FEBRUARY 2002
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Welcome and Announcements
Believer's FireSide Kindling
Bidding with Bridgboy
Pomo's Pointers
Ian's Partnership Stuff
This is Your Captain Speaking
Just Jill
Dealing With Dann
Moogal's FireSide Log
Special Treats
Treble's Table Talk
And Finally Kaltica
=======================================
WELCOME AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
Hi all!
Welcome to the February, 2002 issue of FireSide
Chat, our monthly newsletter written for and about
our FireSide friends and events.
Be sure to check out Moogal's column for information
about the "Gator", our latest exciting special activity
for you all to have fun with. More information and
updates are available at:
http://www.members.home.net/firesiders/gator.htm
We hope you enjoy all of this month's articles and
features. Please feel free to write to us with any
comments, questions, ideas, or whatever, that you may
wish to share. This newsletter is for and about you,
and we want you to feel welcome to participate. Just
email Believer at fstobbe152393MI@comcast.net or
Moogal at Moocake@aol.com.
A special thanks to all of you who have been sending
us contributions for our "giggle breaks". We appreciate
everything you send, and use as many as we can. Keep
'em coming, please! :-)
Please remember that the Bridgementor-L mail list
is available for discussions of bridge topics,
and, more importantly, as a forum in which you can
find immediate answers to your bridge questions.
To join, go to www.bridgementor.com and click on the
link for the discussion list.
OKbridge also offers us an email discussion opportunity,
the Discuss List. You can join that list by emailing them
at Discuss-Request@okbridge.com and put the word 'subscribe'
in the subject line. You can also participate in the
discussions via the OKbridge website now, just go to the
members area at www.okbridge.com and you'll find the Discuss
List there at the bottom of your opening page.
FireSide also provides us with a "hand of the week"
feature. Go to our Hand of the Week site:
http://www.members.home.net/firesiders/fireside.htm
to check out the fun.
If, for any reason, you do not wish to receive
these mailings, please write to Believer at
fstobbe152393MI@comcast.net to be removed
from our mailing list.
===========================================
CURRENT FIRESIDE SCHEDULE
Day Pacific Time Commentator
MONDAY 11:00 A.M. POOKA
MONDAY 5:30 P.M. BRIDGBOY
TUESDAY 11:00 A.M. BRIDGBOY
TUESDAY 5:30 P.M. CAPTAIN
WEDNESDAY 11:00 A.M. FREDW3
WEDNESDAY 5:30 P.M. LBROWN
THURSDAY 11:00 A.M. POOKA
THURSDAY 5:30 P.M. RAIJA AND POMO
FRIDAY 11:00 A.M. BLUEBEE
FRIDAY 5:30 P.M. KALTICA
SATURDAY 11:00 A.M. WINTAKA/CAPTAIN
Commentators may change without notice,
according to their availability.
*************************
Although there is no set fee for participating in
these "open to all" sessions, please note that FireSide
Bidding Practice Sessions operate with the support of
those in attendance. For information about how to
become a supporting member, please contact Kaltica at
cpw@escape.ca, or LBrown at Finesse@bestweb.net.
Thanks to all of you for supporting the FireSide sessions
in all the many different ways you have of doing so.
*************************
All articles herein (c) 2002 by FireSide Chat.
All rights reserved.
===============================================
BELIEVER'S FIRESIDE KINDLING
============================
Writers Block
Here it is, January 31 already. I'm sitting at Pomo and Raija's
FireSide session, and it's 9:00 p.m. EST -- and I haven't a
single clue what I want to write about this month! eek!
I thought I'd share some random thoughts with you (since all
I seem to have lately is random thoughts...)
STYLE: Elvee just commented privately to me about how
different each commentor's session tends to be from the
others. We agreed that that's a good thing :-) It's neat to
learn different viewpoints and ways of looking at this game.
I think part of what makes FireSide so wonderful is that
difference. By listening to these very special friends of ours,
thinking about what they are telling us, comparing notes and
experimenting with those different ideas, we can go on to
decide what we like, and make it work for us.
The most important thing that I think I've learned from the
FireSide sessions is that there are no hard and fast rules of
bidding set in stone somewhere -- we are free to find our own
styles and develop them with a partner into a working system
that we are comfortable with.
ETIQUETTE: There has been lots of discussion about the
way folks behave at OKb, and other online bridge sites. I think
it's important to follow some basic rules of etiquette when
interacting with folks online. Asking if you can sit when you
join a table, giving at least 1 or 2 hands notice before you leave,
and treating others with respect are some key areas that are
important to me.
The other thing that I've noticed over the years is how easily we
jump to wrong conclusions about people. I try to remember to
'wait and see' -- get to know a person a bit before I decide
how I feel about him/her. Not always easy to be patient tho!
I also am reminded time and again about how very special a
place OKb is to some folks. There are many players out there
who are ill, or caring for an ill loved one, and playing at OKb is
something they look forward to, to give them a change from
the daily routine and sameness. I sure hope they have more
good experiences with folks online than not so good ones.
Tuna has some very good articles on netiquette at his website --
http://www.okbridge.com/membersclub/tourneys/tuna/spec.html
FUN: It amazes me sometimes how serious folks get over this
whole thing. We study, we argue, we are mortified when we
make mistakes. We go off in a huff when we think pard is not
playing right. We treasure our ratings to the extent that we
pick and choose our friends by their lehman numbers!
Bridge is a game. My #1 reason for playing it is to have fun.
I have to keep reminding myself of that though -- I want to do
well, I want my pard to be happy with me. I want my teachers
to be proud of me. I lose track of my basic reason for going
online to play bridge very easily some days.
I love learning about the game, and improving my skills. More
important to me though are the people I meet while online doing
my thing. I hope I always keep sight of that, and never get so
focused on being a "good" bridge player that I forget to be a
good friend.
********************
You can write to Believer (Sara Stobbe) at:
fstobbe152393MI@comcast.net
============================================
GIGGLE BREAK
This one from Tuna, who says it: "might be a true story,
if not for me being so thoughtful."
While visiting our head office in California, I realized
that I had forgotten my wife's birthday the day before.
Assuming I was in big trouble, I went to the jewelry
section of a San Diego department store.
After explaining to the saleswoman that I desperately
needed a gift to make up for my forgetfulness, she
quipped, "I'm sorry, but we don't have anything that
expensive."
=============================================
BIDDING WITH BRIDGBOY
=====================
Strong Jump Shifts
Your partner opens one club and the next hand passes.
You are staring at this hand:
S AKQxx
H --
D Jxx
C KJxxx
Your call now?
Those that don't plan out an auction might respond 1S, and
then over a 1NT rebid be stuck for a forcing call, which
will now lead to other problems: is 3C now forcing, or do
I have to try new minor forcing, or jump to 3NT and never
reveal the clubs, or jump to 4C? YUCK!!
In my opinion, the only solution which will eliminate all
problems on this hand is, first, to play strong jump shifts
and, second, to use it now!!
Let us review the follow up auctions and see if it makes
sense. First, we have a game going hand before we begin.
In fact, the potential for slam is there also. We would
like to express that idea to partner so that he can come
into the picture of the slam interest. If he has a diamond
control we will be very close to a slam in clubs, correct?
Now, I know I hear all those worrying about the 1C
opener, saying 'but what if he does not have real clubs
but rather has 234 of clubs!' To them I say, stop opening
unbiddable minor suits, and let us trust our partner's opening
bid suits. When he bids a suit, let us believe he has that suit.
That is not our problem, make it his!
So if, instead, we respond initially with 2S rather than 1S,
and then we later support clubs, will he see the slam
potential we are trying to create? Will he know game is
assured and slam possible at a much lower level? And
once he realizes slam is possible could we then find out
exactly what we need to know -- namely, does he have a
diamond control?
The strong jump shift is an invaluable tool for slam
exploration. You will allow the partnership to know game
is for sure and slam possible, thus eliminating the use
of needless jumps that get you too high and take away
your room to investigate whether the fit and controls are
present for slam to succeed.
*************************
You can find Bridgboy (Bob Lavin) doing his FireSide
sessions on Monday evenings at 5:30 p.m, and Tuesdays
at 11:00 a.m. OKbridge time.
Anyone interested in one-on-one lessons on any topic of
the game may contact Bob at bridgboy@charter.net
====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Kaltica for these:
"But you DID fix my Plane, Right?"
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots
and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident (at least, at the time this was compiled).
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed yet on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4
propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious!
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
=============================================
POMO'S POINTERS
===============
PLACING THE OPPONENTS' HIGH CARDS
- BEING A GOOD DETECTIVE -
As declarer, we may have a huge advantage by peeking at
the opponents hands to discover where certain high cards
are located. This practice, however, is frowned upon and
if your eyesight is anything like mine...forget it! There
is a method for locating the hidden treasures in their hands -
deduction, done by detective work. Put all the clues together
and presto...we have uncovered the answer. This takes
practice and more practice.
Points to consider:
1. A passed hand rarely holds as many as 12 high card
points. If the passed hand has displayed (while defending)
a suit headed by AKJ or AKQ, then any other major card
(A or K) should and will be found in the other hand.
2. If an opponent passes his partner's opening suit
bid...that hand will usually have 4 or less points (we all
tend to respond with five points these days).
3. If they open the bidding with 1C with a three card suit -
assume - a) that hand has at least one four card Major and -
b) the high card count will be 12-15 points or 18+... with the
middle range - 1NT would have been opened.
4. Start placing high cards at trick one - don't wait! For
suit contracts - assume that if you are missing Ace and
King of a side suit..if they don't lead them, then the honors
are split or both on your right. If missing AQJ of a suit that
"should" be led (based on the bidding), if they don't lead
that suit...the opening leader probably has the Ace (possibly
the Q and/or J as well). For the same situation, if the Jack
is led (from J10...) place the Ace and Queen to your right for
the beginnings of your detective work.
5. Try to find the missing honors in an unimportant (meaning
a no-guess type suit) side suit in order to help find the probable
placement of high cards in the "key" side suit.
6. If a passed hand, suddenly comes to life in the bidding,
assume he holds 10-11 points...just short of an opening.
All together this adds up to reducing many "guessing"
situations to actually knowing where their cards are located.
This knowledge will be highly useful in playing many hands.
You may even practice when you are dummy, by staying alert.
Of course you can't tell your partner during the play....but later!
*************************
You can find Pomo and Raija doing their FireSide sessions
on Thursday evenings at 5:30 p.m. OKbridge time.
(Except the second Thursday of the month, when the Fifth
Chair's Novice/Mentor Tourney is held.)
You can email Pomo at: reisig@oco.net
======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Pooka for this giggle:
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come
back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear
was that there was no heaven.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to
his word, he made contact.
"Mary...Mary...."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast, I have sex.
I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice.
I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon.
After supper, I have sex until late at night.
The next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."
"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
=================================================
IAN'S PARTNERSHIP STUFF
=======================
Weak Notrumps
============
Copyright(c), Ian M. Wilson 2002.
Standard American traditionally played a 1NT opener as 16 to 18
(nowadays softened somewhat to 'really good 14' to 17). Acol, on
the other hand, preferred the tradition of a weak 1NT opener,
traditionally 12 to 14 (nowadays 11-14, or 10-12, or something,
depending often on the age of the practitioners).
Personally, I like to graft a weak NT opener into whatever system I
find myself playing (ignoring my partners' anguished complaints with
ease). Here are some of the reasons why I like to do this, followed
by a brief note on system changes caused by playing weak notrumps.
Limiting the hand
------------------------
Opening a notrump defines the shape and range of a hand in a single
call. Partner is generally well placed to know whether we are looking
at slam, game or partscore (or large negative score!).
While this is true no matter what the chosen range is, you will be
dealt a weak notrump hand far more often than a strong notrump
hand. Playing weak notrumps allows you to limit your openers
more often.
Win the battle to declare NT
----------------------------------------
If the points are almost equally split, the side to declare 1NT first
generally wins. If you have the majority, you will frequently make
1NT; if you have the minority, it will often be very difficult for the
opposition to double you. This can win you many, many match-
points over time ( -50 for down 1 can be a huge matchpoint score
compared with -70 for 1NT making the other way).
Concealing information on shapeless hands
--------------------------------------------------------------
A typical auction to 1NT playing SAYC might be: 1d-1s-1NT-pass.
The defence has been given quite a lot of information here: opener
probably has 4 diamonds; responder probably doesn't have 4 hearts.
Compare this to the weak NT auction: 1NT-pass. Here you have no
idea about either declarer's, or responder's, distribution other than
that opener has 12-14 balanced and responder is content to let him
play in 1NT.
The downside to this of course is that you will miss 4-4 major fits on
these hands. However, the defence to 1NT can be difficult enough that
you may make as many tricks in NT as you would have in spades.
Another potential matchpoint plus.
Taking up space
-----------------------
After a 1NT opener, opponents who wish to compete will have to start
at the 2 level. You have removed their 1-level suit overcall, their
moderate takeout double and their 1NT overcall. Methods used
against a strong NT which are aimed only at interference don't fare
well here - you may need to be able to investigate game. And you
have to unscramble all this without getting too high.
The downside is that after our weak NT opener, we also have to bid at
the 2 level. But we know a lot more about the hands than they do.
Going for large numbers
----------------------------------
OK, this is a potential downside. However, successful methods at
duplicate bridge - including both matchpoints and IMPs - are those
which deliver positive scores with high frequency, even if they
deliver large negative scores now and again.
Playing against a weak NT, the defending side will often have to
decide whether to play their own contract, or take a penalty. At the
game level, this means deciding whether you are going to take 9
or 10 tricks playing the hand, or defeat 1NT-X by enough tricks to
give you compensating value - somewhere between 2 and 4
undertricks are required depending on relative vulnerability.
In theory, you can go for 1100, or 1400, or whatever, playing weak
notrumps. In practice, it rarely happens. Someone will decide to
bid something, or declarer's advantage will give you a couple of
extra, 'unearned' tricks.
Swindles
-------------
Teams, non-vulnerable against vulnerable. Partner opens 1NT
(11-14). RHO passes. You hold: x xxx QJTxxxx xx. Your call?
Timid souls may pass, intending to rescue partner to diamonds if
doubled. More proactive souls may use whatever systemic
mechanism is available to bail out at the cheapest level in a minor.
You might want to consider an alternative to these: how about 3NT?
There are many ways in which this can gain; LHO may be unable to bid
(for example, give LHO 16 points, and RHO 10 points). On a really good
day, partner may even have something useful like Axx of diamonds and
a stopper or two.
The point here is really an extension of the principle of limitation:
partner's hand is defined within relatively narrow limits, making you
captain. Occasionally you may be able to use this information to
spectacular effect.
If you decide to adopt creative tactics on hands like the above, be
sure (as always) to observe strict ethical standards (for example,
your 3NT on the above hand should be delivered at the same tempo
and confidence level as in any other 1NT-3NT auction).
Adding weak notrumps to your system
--------------------------------------------------------
If you decide to replace your strong notrump openers with weak ones,
you need a way to bid balanced hands in the 15-17 range (say). This
typically means that hands that used to be strong NT openers start
with 1 of a suit and rebid NT. Watch out for sequences like: 1d-2c;
2NT, where opener has a strong NT opener (otherwise they would
have opened 1NT rather than rebid NT).
You will also need to decide what to do with balanced hands containing
a 5-card major that fall into the strong NT range. What will you do
over 1h-1NT with a 2533 17-count, for example? Things like this
should be a matter for partnership discussion.
You will also want to decide what constructive methods to play after a
weak notrump opener. Some players like to play 2-way Stayman (2c
and 2d are Stayman but 2d is game forcing), with 2h and 2s being weak;
others like to play Stayman and red-suit transfers; and there are all
sorts of other, more esoteric, methods. Pick whatever you like and
can remember easily :)
You will also need to decide on your answer to opposition actions,
especially doubles. This is much more important than if you play
strong notrump openers. Again, there are several main approaches.
The important thing is to be able to bail out into a long suit; and to
look for a cheap fit if it's there. Some people think it's important
to be able to redouble for business (personally, I'd rather be able to
play in 1N-X when it's right).
Have fun
------------
If you've never played weak notrumps, give it a go. You might just
like it!
******************************
You can write to Ian (Ian Wilson) at: ianmwilson@earthlink.net
=====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
This groaner from Macaw:
The Power of Punctuation
A Giant Panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and
orders a sandwich. The waiter takes his order, and shortly
thereafter brings him a sandwich. He eats the sandwich,
enjoying it very much. Then he stands up, shoots the waiter
and calmly leaves the restaurant. The manager of the
restaurant is shocked and runs after him, exclaiming,
"You can't do that!! You can't just come into my restaurant,
order and eat a sandwich, then shoot my waiter and leave!!"
The Giant Panda thumps his chest with one paw and says,
"Of course I can, I'm a Giant Panda!! If you don't believe
me, go look it up!" The manager runs back into his restaurant,
grabs a dictionary, and reads:
Giant Panda: A large black and white, bear-like mammal of
China and Tibet, eats shoots and leaves.
=====================================================
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING
===========================
Touching Honors
When you hold "touching honors," such as the Q and J, or
10 and 9, they are "equal," but are they equal to partner?
Let's talk about "touching honors."
Some examples:
a) QJT9
b) QJ32
c) JT32
d) T963
e) T987
Case # 1: You hold one of the above combinations and you
wish to give "count," "attitude," or "suit preference".
Let's assume our intent is to play a high card, that is,
you wish to show an even number in the suit (count), or
show you love the suit (attitude) or you wish to show a
preferred higher ranking suit (suit preference). You play
the highest card 'affordable'. Affordable is the key
word here.
In example (a) for instance the Q is always the highest card
affordable, whereas in case (b) the highest card affordable
might be the 3! In (b), as in many cases, the Queen is not
affordable, i.e. it might cost a trick later to play it now.
If one of these 3 types of signals calls for a low signal,
play the lowest card. (All "count" signals call for a high
card in the examples given above, but play the 3 if you hold
T93 for "count", as low is an odd number of cards.)
Case # 2: Consider the case where you are in second seat
with one of the above combinations. Normally we will play
"second hand low." But in some situations we may wish to
"split" that is to say play one of our higher cards to force out
an honor from third hand. In this situation we play the highest
of "touching" honors. The play of the higher of touching honors
when splitting in second seat is in contrast to normal third seat
play where we play "third hand high" but use the lowest of
touching honors.
Case # 3 You are about to lead from one of the above
combinations against a suit contract. Lead the highest of
touching honors.
Case # 4 You are about to lead from one of the above
combinations against a NT contract. Lead 4'th best unless
you have 3 touching honors, in which case lead the highest
again. (Note though, it is usually still best to lead 4'th best
against NT with QJTx or T98x if dummy or declarer has shown
4-card length and you have decided to lead them.)
Lastly let's look at the situation where dummy has one of
these combinations and you have a bigger card. Do you cover?
It is not 100% true in all cases, but develop the habit of not
covering "touching honors". Examples: you hold K752, and
dummy leads Q from QJ83. Do not cover until the Jack is led,
i.e. "Delay". Declarer might have T964, A96, A94, A, AT, T96,
T94. Covering the Q with the King loses or may lose in all of
these examples, and there are virtually no examples where
covering will gain for you.
*************************
You will find Captain (Andy Anderson) doing his
FireSide sessions on Tuesday evenings, at 8:00 P.M.
OKbridge time, and every other Saturday at 11:00 A.M.
Captain is a full time instructor on OKbridge,
offering group or individual lessons for anyone
ranging from novice to advanced players.
Email Andy for more information - andy@imagewireless.ca
=====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thank You, Luc, for this giggle:
Lawsuit
Clyde, a farmer in Alabama, decided his injuries from the
accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
(responsible for the accident) to court.
In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
Clyde. "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'"
asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had
just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted,
"just answer the question. Did you or did you not say 'I'm
fine' at the scene of the accident?"
Clyde said, "Well, yes, but I had just got Bessie into the
trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying
to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this
man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was
just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying
to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to
simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's
answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he
has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, like I was
saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the
trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge
semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck
right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was
thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to
move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and
groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
"About that time a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He
could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between
the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his
hand and looked at me and said, 'And, how are you feeling?'"
====================================================
Just Jill
======
We have a new addition to our FireSide Chat staff
this month. We'd like for you to meet Jill Wilson, who
happens to be married to Ian, and is just learning
how to play bridge. She's also quickly becoming one
of Believer's favorite partners! We think her poetry
will bring a nice change of pace, not to mention a fresh
point of view, to our issues. We are very happy to
welcome "Just Jill" to our newsletter!
*************************
A Toe in the Water
"Please play with me! Please play with me!" the eager husband cries;
So finally, I'm giving in, so much to his surprise!
But bidding is too difficult, and I just want to play,
So here is how he got me up to speed in just a day!
He signed me up for MiniBridge and let *them* teach me how!
He's clever and he's devious; he'll stop at nothing now;
The session was for children, but that didn't daunt him yet;
To send me with our daughter seemed to be his safest bet.
So there I was, the sole adult amidst a sea of kids;
We played throughout the day without the benefit of bids;
We had a lot of fun that day, and in the afternoon,
We even held a tournament, and he was not immune!
So there he is, my "older man", his partner nine years old;
I've never seen a cuter sight than that, if truth be told.
'Twas best that all the three of us were paired with others there,
So win or lose, we all had fun; 'twas quite a nice affair.
To keep the spirit quite alive, the next step in the plan
Involved enlisting friends of ours; and so, it all began...
We started out with MiniBridge, but quickly wanted more;
More challenge and more strategy, so what could we explore?
The toe went in the water as we asked him how to bid;
And none of us had any clue about what we just did!
My husband treated all of us to "cheat sheets" of a sort;
He took a lot of time to summarize and to report
The basics of a "system" that he said was played a lot;
But we all found it complicated, and a lot of rot!
Frustration was as high as it could get right from the start,
And having opened up that door, we didn't want the part!
We tried so many things that made it worse as time went on,
We found ourselves confounded and our confidence withdrawn...
There's something rather oxymoron-like, it seems to me,
About the way it's called a "Bidding *System*" -- don't you see?
Like, what's so "systematic" now about this way to bid???
1-heart, 2-clubs -- Does anyone know what it is I said?
At one point in the process, it seemed very clear to me:
That I could either learn to play this game (to some degree),
Or be his wife, but clearly I could not do both these things;
I could not be his partner both in cards and wedding rings!
It was about at this point when Believer came along
To save my marriage and my game from going very wrong!
She said, "Let's just have fun at this; we'll do our girly thing,"
Which lifted all the pressure and removed that nasty sting.
So now, I have a husband, and I even play some bridge;
I bid and play and learn without committing sacrilege;
I make mistakes, but that's OK; it's how I learn the best;
And when I wish to pick his brain, I have but to request.
*************************
You can write to Jill at: ilovechocolate@earthlink.net
===================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Tuna for these giggles:
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave
each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them
to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe
these were actually done by first graders, but there are some
good ones nonetheless - their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ...........................bug is close
It's always darkest before..................Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of............termites.
You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
No news is..................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a......................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new..............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
Love all, trust.............................me.
The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is............................not much.
Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ..... you have to
blow your nose.
There are none so blind as........................Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you...........see in the picture on
the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.
======================================================
DEALING WITH DANN
==================
ACTIVE ETHICS
Everyone would like to be thought of as an ETHICAL player
(besides you still have to live with yourself!)
I have found that the card gods seem to reward all ethical
players with good scores in some funny spots.
Yes there is the odd bottom or poor score you absorb, but
sometimes you reach a superior contract --
You guessed it -- an example! Welcome to the ozone!
YOU HOLD:
S J2
H 953
D QJ10987
C 42
In 3rd seat you hear the auction proceed 1NT - DOUBLE - ??
well I bid 2D to play -- PARD promptly alerts the transfer!
and after the pass bids 2H, which is passed back to me --
what do we do?
We have to decide what we would do without the alert --so
what does this mean?
We have 3H so we have a fit -- PARD shouldn't be bidding
his suit (no alert) without 5 or 6 in this situation, and we
have ruffing values for pard, so there really is no reason to
remove us from 2 Hearts -- if there was no alert.
So we promptly pass 2H, and are prepared to pass it
doubled -- still no reason to take advantage of no alert.
But ,as I mentioned earlier, the card gods smile on good
ethics and it is passed out -- phew no double!
The whole hand:
NORTH
S J2
H 953
D QJ10987
C 42
S A973 S K85
H AQ10 H J762
D K652 D 43
C QJ SOUTH C 9873
S Q1064
H K85
D A
C AK1065
Most pairs played in 2D (not after a NT opening -- that
leads to a whole other column!)
Some made it -- misdefense -- others were down one,
probably a par result.
2 Hearts was not a par result though -- the card gods had
not yet finished smiling upon the demonstrated ethics:
THE PLAY:
T1 -- 2 of D lead (don't ask why-remember its the card gods
manipulating the defenders for us)
T2/3- A & K of C- yahoo! the 10 is up
T4 - 10 of C ruffed by west-pitch a S2 from dummy
T5 - West "cashes " his D king? -- oops -- ruff with 5 of H
T6 - Spade towards J west takes hir Ace
T7 - W returns a Dia(?) ruffed with the 6, and over ruffed
with the 8
T8 - ruff spade to dummy
T9 - ruff a dia back to your hand -- over ruffed the jack
T10- ruff spade in dummy -- OUR 8 TH TRICK!!!!
We just made our contract: :-)
So, somehow we found our superior spot. +110 was worth
17 on a 17 top -- we shoulda had more misunderstandings,
we coulda won this whole thing!!!!
Again, being ethical was not only its own reward, we were
supplied with an amusing story as well as a clear top!
Until next month -- SMILE! -- it can't be that bad.
DANN
*******************
You will find Pooka (Dann Kramer) doing his FireSide
sessions on Monday and Thursday mornings, at 11:00 a.m.
OKbridge time.
Dann is available for one-on-one lessons, group mentoring
sessions, and/or tourney play.
For more information, write Dann at: Dann-Kramer@shaw.ca
=======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks go to Pringle for this one:
Three aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first
class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some
parameters, " said the professor, to the student from
Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady
from Oklahoma.
"Elation," she said.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "How
about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy up."
================================================
MOOGAL'S FIRESIDE LOG
======================
Fireside News
Fans of Bob (Bridgboy) can now get a double dose of
his wisdom! He will be covering the Tuesday afternoon
(11:00 AM OKB time) session. And those of you who
haven't been able to get to Monday night sessions
should stop by and see why he is so sought after as
a teacher! See you there!
A big thank you to Pam (PAMA) for her guest appearance
as a commentator this past month. We hope she will
honor us again -- her thoughtful commentary and kind
manner impressed all of us attending. Thanks, Pam!
=========================================
The Gator
Share purchases are starting to rush in for
our February 16th (and 17th) Gator tourney. One
team already has four owners, so if you want to
grab your favourite celebrity, do so now!
We have 14 of our celebrities in place now,
and will be announcing 2 more in the very near
future. No need to wait, though. If you wish
to change your selection after making it, you
may do so until game day.
For an explanation of how our Gator tourney
works check out our web site at:
http://www.members.home.net/firesiders/gator.htm
You may wish to bookmark the site as a
favourite so that you can see who else has
invested in your team. Do NOT be concerned
about not having played in a Gator before.
We will have Table Managers guiding you
through the entire process and answering any
questions you have. So relax...and E-N-J-O-Y!!
=============================================
OKB Tourney News
Thu Jan 3 16:00 2002
Rank Team Score Boards
1 captain/curley 1.82 25
Congrats to Andy and Curley! Married couples *can* play
bridge together and survive! :)
Fri Jan 4 18:00 2002
Rank Team Score Boards
1 peter-1/SAM143 2.38 24
Sue, a student of Bill (Wintaka), and her partner Peter
led the pack on the 4th. Well, done!
Tue Jan 8 20:00 2002
Rank Team Score Boards
1 lia/Svet 73.87 12
Our Fireside friend Svet had a *huge* matchpoint win with
her partner Lia, in one of the Tuesday night mini's. Our
congratulations to you both!
Wed Jan 23 11:00 2002
Rank Team Score Boards
1 Kaltica/Moogal 2.68 26
And despite my going down in a cold 6S on board 25 (I
could hear Colin's teeth gnashing all the way to Miami!),
we managed to pull out a win. I *knew* we should only play
24! :)
By the way, check out the February Spectator for BIG NEWS
about the tourneys: exciting changes in store for us!
========================================
Novice-Mentor Tourney
Sweet Olivia (BAOL) carried me to a win in the Novice Mentor
Tourney this month. Well done, Olivia!
Our other top finishers:
Thu Jan 10 18:00 2002
Rank Team Score
1 Baol/Moogal 61.20
2 AndyEdw/sue1 60.05
3 Kaltica/Tara 60.04
4 Patricia/schammy 58.75
5 delb/zodiac 58.73
6 eleanor/ts 58.50
7 Elsie204/hilou 58.35
8 Frodo/maude 57.18
9 DavidRG/DeniseB 55.58
10 fpdoc/itsme 55.54
11 HelenT/RolandW 54.83
12 gordon/oliebell 54.04
13 merle/titch 53.44
14 Birdie/lettem 53.35
15 deeb1232/mirm1 52.93
16 jbot/mcmary 52.36
17 c_pare/POOKA 51.20
Mentors and novices, join us this month on the 14th!
Email me at moocake@aol.com or Laurie (BAGEL27) at
bagelbroad@fscv.net if you would like to find a partner
ahead of time, we'll do our best to match you up! I
promise you a fun evening.:)
=========================================
MENTOR CUP GAMES
Jan 13: Team ANDRE55: Andre55, JanetE, Shade and Jundith
A *tie* on Jan 27:
Team JBOT: Jbot, JKH, Jw7 and Grommet_
and
Team GORDON: Gordon, Oliebell, Lol6013 and Cheryl
Well done to all of you and to our other top
finishers -- see who they are on our webpage at:
www.escape.ca/~cpw/mtc.htm.
Email me at Moocake@aol.com to get on the reminder
list for these games. All welcome!
==============================================
We are delighted to hear that our dear
friend Nina (PSYCHE) is finally home from
the hospital after spending much of the
month there with a nasty case of pneumonia.
I suspect she marched herself out of there
when they wouldn't give in to installing
internet access in the ICU!
Our heartfelt get well wishes, Nina, we
all missed you soooo much.
===============================================
Get well wishes also go to Diane (OBRAVEN). She would like
to thank all her OKB friends for their support and concern over
her recent abdominal surgery. She notes that this outpouring
once again reaffirms what a great place the OK community is
and that she is proud to be part of a group having so many
bright, caring people.
She would also like us to send more get well wishes to another
OKB member, a friend of hers that she met on her trip to
Australia last year:
Agnes (SENGA) suffered a stroke last week. She was admitted
to the same hospital where her husband, George, who is blind,
is currently a patient. Her speech has been affected and she
is exhausted, but sends her love to her OK friends. Gilli
(STOLLI) is calling Agi daily and is visiting her.
Agi and George emigrated from Hungary to Australia after WWII.
In Agi's work life, she had many teaching duties, which she
brings over to her OK play. She will readily offer advice
on bidding and play to both opps and partners alike--in a
nice way.
Agi is best known in our group of OK players for an incident
that happened last year. Agi was at a table where a crowd
was gathering--over 50 people at table and growing. Little
did Agi realize that her partner was Bill Gates. After each
hand, Agi would comment on Bill's bidding and play. Those
of us in spec mode were in hysterics as our little friend
brought Bill to task. Bill accepted Agi's comments most
graciously and repeatedly thanked her for her help.
To this day, I don't think Agi fully appreciates the humor
in this encounter!
Anyone who would like to send Agi a card -- here is the
information:
Agnes Groves
Monash Medical Hospital
Jesse McPherson Division
Bed 46 Ward 31 South
246 Clayton Road
Clayton, Victoria
Australia
===============================================
Lyn (LYNKOS) seems to have an endless supply of stories to
make us smile!
Another Fireside "Success" ;) Story: How I Always Manage to
Mangle Information.
I have had trouble "swallowing" the idea of bidding a 3-card
suit in order to make a "temporizing" bid, forcing bid, control-
showing bid, or in response to a 2-suited overcall. These come
up occasionally at FireSide or in my mentoring games with Colin.
I mean, it is hard enough occasionally to bid a 4-card Major suit
in 3rd or 4th seat, or in any seat in order to avoid reversing
when rebidding! :) But at our Holiday Sectional on 12/27 I picked
up the following hand:
S J
H AKJ
D J10xxxx
C KQx
Partner is dealer and opens 1D. Now, it looks like 5D is a lock --
but maybe NT is a possibility -- and I am thinking 660 will be
better than 600!
So, what should I bid? 3D is invitational (NO way). 4D takes me
past 3NT. 5D is where field will be, BUT maybe 6 if pard has extra.
I haven't a 4 card suit to bid. 3NT would tell her my points
(we play 3NT opposite a minor shows 13-15), but with a singleton
spade? Hmmm, "slow shows"... and, does pd have spades? What
does she need to know about my hand? Ok, so I will tell her I have
control of hearts; if she supports hearts I can always go back to Ds.
(Here I remembered Maxi-flex: I could bid the clubs at 2 level
to force also, but 1H was cheaper!) So I - fearfully, but proud
of myself - bid 1H. A temporizing and forcing bid, so *legal*,
I rationalize.
Next she bids 1S (should have jumped to 2S to show her 18 pts
maybe as she does not play reverses.) OK, 1S says minimum, so
now I jump to 3NT to play. Maybe 2NT was proper here, but I wasn't
sure - LOL - I already forgot "slow shows"! Partner now blackwoods,
hesitates after 5D from me: we are off 1 ace; but pushes on to 5NT
(another "small lie"...) We settle in 6NT for +1440, and the only
pair to bid the slam. The entire field being in 5D making 6 for +620.
We lucked into it despite rather shaky bidding. (I can see SAYC
purists cringing, lol)
Asked afterward how we found NT and slam, my partner told them I
had bid hearts, and jumped in NT after she bid spades. Boy, did I
get the *look*! Alas...will now be considered crazy forevermore...
and these players don't even know about my gambling 3NT bids... :))
I asked Colin what HE would have bid. He said 2NT (even with a
singleton spade! - although he plays 2NT as 13-15 opposite a minor
opening, whereas I use it to show 11-12.) and then support D,
*if* playing SAYC/SARC. SIGH... And I was SO sure he would have
shown the H stoppers, lol... I left him with the comment: "but who
else taught me to bid a 3-card suit to force?" :)
So, the joke is on me. Thank heavens lady luck was with us. Guess
I won't be bidding 3 card suits much, afterall! :)) (A great
relief to all my prospective partners, I am sure.) But, lookout
FS commentators: I still plan to attend and misuse information
with great glee!
Happy bridging in the New Year!
Lynkos
================================================
We got this one from a good friend, thought you'd all
enjoy it too...
Sunday Morning Story
On Sunday mornings there is a popular radio show in the
States that spends 5 minutes on puzzles. The editor of
the New York Times crossword puzzle comes on the air and
offers a lucky call-in listener a chance to play a random
puzzle.
Today's puzzle was categories. The contestant is given
a word, "snowy" in this case, and a category, and then
asked to think of words from that category that begin
with each of the letters from the word. For example,
with the category 'girls' names', one might choose
Sally, Nina, Olga, Wendy and Yvette.
Today's contestant was from Florida, and one of the
categories given to him was "places in Canada." He
rapidly came up with Saskatoon, Nova Scotia, Ontario,
and Yukon. For the letter W he seemed stumped, but
after a moment's hesitation, he blurted out: "Winnebago."
********************
Link to the audio feed for this morning radio show for
anyone who's interested:
http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/wesun/20011230.wesun.07.ram
===============================================
Seen on an OKB card:
Good part : I know how to squeeze
Bad part : I try it every time
Noticed something wry, touching, or hilarious on
an OKB card?? Send it to me! Give me the OKB login
name (which I won't print, but need for verification
to get it right).
================================================
Many of you will remember Remi (REMIN, when he was a member)
from his generous work with the Fifth Chair team game as a
substitute FS commentator.
I'm glad now I had the chance to meet him when I was in New
York City a year ago, as he has moved to Brazil! (He is
fluent in Portuguese and Spanish -- he lived in Argentina for
14 years) Safe voyage Remi, and keep in touch!
================================================
A *very* impressive FIFTH place for BEGIE in Richard
Pavlicek's December defensive play contest! Trust me,
his defense quizzes are TOUGH! Way to go, Begie!
If you entered his January bidding contest, check out
the results, or try it for fun, after February 3, at:
www.rpbridge.net/7w72.htm
For February, the featured contest is "Leading for the
Gold," an opening lead contest with an Olympic theme
based on the upcoming games in Salt Lake City. All
(All??) you have to do is choose your opening lead
on each of six problems. Try it, it's fun!! Take a
look at:
www.rpbridge.net/7v73.htm
And of course, I 'stole' another little lesson from
his web page for us:
Two 4-1 Breaks
This deal is from an on-line IMP game. After South's
1S opening, North was obliged to bid 1NT since he
lacked the values for a two-over-one response. South
had a borderline jump shift but chose to bid only 2H
because of the anemic texture in his suits. North
raised to game with his excellent playing potential.
4 H by South
S 93
H QJ104
D A1096532
C -
S J865 S Q10
H 9 H A876
D QJ74 D 8
C A1043 C J98752
S AK742
H K532
D K
C KQ6
Lead: DQ
West North East South
Pass 1S
Pass 1NT Pass 2H
Pass 4H All Pass
West had no knowledge of dummy's long diamonds and
chose to lead the DQ. Declarer won the king and
led the H2 to dummy's queen as East ducked, then
the H4 back to the king, learning the bad news. The
CK was led, covered and ruffed, then declarer tried
to cash the DA. Oops. East ruffed with the H8 (South
could not overruff) and cashed the HA leaving declarer
in a hopeless predicament -- down two.
Declarer violated an important principle: If there is
no clear-cut path to making your contract, you should
work on your side suit before drawing trumps. After the
HQ won, declarer should next lead the DA; East ruffs and
South overruffs; then a heart is led to the jack and ace.
East's best return is a club to the king and ace, but
declarer does not ruff in dummy. No matter what West
returns, the diamonds can be set up, losing one more
trick. Lay out a deck of cards and try it -- it's a
good exercise in suit establishment.
Thanks Richard! A reminder to those of you in the
South Florida area: Richard and his wife Mabel teach
live classes in Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach.
(They only teach during the season, so the term starting
mid-February will be the last until the fall). Email
richard@rpbridge.net or call 954-763-1003/561-840-1985.
===============================================
For a while I was worried about Patty (PATTY), hadn't seen
her around OKB *at all* except during her Table Managing
stints! But not to worry, she explained it all!
As promised...here's why you don't see me on OKB much any
more...and I miss you all!
There aren't enough hours in the day, since I discovered F2F
bridge when a new club opened here in November 2000. Armed
with all the good stuff I'd learned at Firesides, Fifth
Chair, etc., a copy of my OKBridge CC, I ventured forth with
assurance the club owner would have a partner for me.
Players were friendly, and the owner also introduced me to
more potential partners. As I became more relaxed with F2F,
I put myself on call to be available for someone with no
pard (I'm 5 minutes away). I've been comfortable with a few
A players as well as some very bad C players (I'm
good-natured). A couple of A players even asked me to play
again (wow!) and I had more invites to play than I had time
or $$. Soon I was helping with games twice a week selling
entries and being "standby" for a late comer with no
partner.
When I learned that the club wanted to get a site up on the
Internet, I mentioned to the owners that I could do that.
So what that I was a few years rusty, I was thrilled for a
chance to get my creative juices running. You can see what
I've done at http://www.azbridge.com. The web site has been
a super success with our players, the game results are on
line before they get home. A few folks who swore they would
never have a computer and go on "the net" are now happily
surfing just so they can see the results and schedule. When
available, results of local tournaments are also posted.
The club offers more than duplicate bridge games. New Years
Eve, we enjoyed a potluck supper and game to welcome 2002.
After the regular game, a few of us diehards played a team
game until 2:30 a.m. and earned our first masterpoints of
the year. Halloween coincided with the first year
anniversary party for the club, and some serious bridge
players showed up in silly costumes (check out some pics
at http://www.azbridge.com/anniversary.htm -- I'm the witch
with the bishop.)
As for me, I've made new friends, found regular partners,
and find myself playing almost every day and sometimes
twice. When I say, "my teacher says....", and am asked,
"who is your teacher?" I say, "So and so is my 'on line'
teacher." You might imagine the barrage of questions, "how
can you take lessons on the Internet?" It's not easy to
explain OKBridge, Fireside, Fifth Chair, etc., but I give it
my all. I assure everyone that I've also made wonderful
friends "on line" and what fun I had in Anaheim meeting some
of them F2F. Gail (GAIL37) and Barb (BLISS) have even played
at my club. Laura (LBROWN) came to my rescue when I was
stuck writing the "results" page, and Steve (OKSTEVE) sent
me a neat file transfer program. (Who's to say that "online"
friends aren't "real" friends?)
Fireside is the greatest, and I still make time on Mondays
to TM for Bridgboy (or take a turn at bidding).
We miss you Patty! So stop by and keep us updated! And
what a great job you did on that website!
===================================================
Heading to Houston? Let me know this month
and I'll let folks know who to look for in
the March issue. If I learn of any official
OKB functions I'll print that also. I'm
planning to go for the first weekend -- had
to go torture a dear friend into playing with
me there :) Hope to meet some of you there!
Hugs....Janice
====================================================
MENTORING SESSIONS
Some of our commentators are offering group mentoring
sessions. This is an easy, fun, and very affordable
way to get both bidding and play instruction with your
partner, friends, or as a single participant. Email
the commentator if you want information on joining
one of the established groups with spots available,
or to discuss a session at your convenience.
Kibitzers are welcome at most sessions.
Watch this spot for future sessions from our other
commentators also!
********************
KALTICA
Colin is currently holding sessions on Mondays, Tuesdays,
Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Email him for more information.
You can contact Colin at cpw@escape.ca.
........................................................
LBROWN
New groups starting this month on Mondays, Tuesdays, and
Thursdays at 10:00 A.M. OKb time. See Laura's website:
www.bridgeisfun.com for complete schedule information.
Contact Laura at finesse@bestweb.net for more information.
........................................................
POOKA
Was anybody's favorite dwarf Bashful? If so...Pooka offers
a "private" group mentoring session, in a hidden table
format, for those who would prefer a closed setting for
their mentoring sessions. Contact Dann at:
dann-kramer@shaw.ca for more information.
=========================================
FIRESIDE MEMORIAL FUND
The next time you need to make a donation in honor of,
or in memory of, a friend or loved one, consider
Fireside! We'll notify the recipient of your donation
(minus the amount of course) and note your kind thoughts
here, in my column.
Send it to Laura (LBROWN) or Colin (KALTICA) just as with
your regular donations, but be sure to include an email
address for the recipient, and, if the honoree is an OKB
member, their username. Also, please note if you do NOT
want it publicized here. Would appreciate also that you
email me the same info that you put in your note to Colin
or Laura. Honor someone, and help FireSide at the same
time!
=============================================
February Events: (All times Pacific)
NOVICE/MENTOR TOURNEY: Thursday, February 14,
6:00 P.M. A low-key introduction to the tourney
experience, sponsored by Fifth Chair.....see
www.fifthchair.org for more info on this and
their other services, including getting a mentor.
MENTOR CUP TEAM GAME: Sunday, 5:00 P.M. February
10, and 24. See www.escape.ca/~cpw/mtc.htm for info
and lists of past winners. To get on the mailing list for
this game, email me at moocake@aol.com.
OKSCRIPT SEMINAR: OKScript seminars are held as
demand warrants. Email Kaltica to schedule a session,
usually available on the same Sunday as the Mentor Cup
Game, at 2:30 p.m.
OKScript is an add-on program that saves you many
keystrokes while playing on OKB by sending
prepared text to the table, opps, or lobby at the
push of a button. Try to download the program BEFORE
the seminar by going to www.escape.ca/~cpw/okscript.htm.
For more information, email Colin at cpw@escape.ca.
FIFTH CHAIR INSTRUCTIONAL EVENTS:
SAYC Novice Team Game:
Saturdays, at 8:00 a.m. PACIFIC. Newcomers very
welcome! In addition to the team game, there will be
an open table for those waiting to join the team game.
This table will also have a commentator.
2/1 Team Game for intermediate players:
Saturdays, 1:30 p.m. Pacific. Novices are welcome in
spectator mode.
Look for the words FIFTH CHAIR beside the server's name,
in the table notes, to attend either of these sessions.
********************
Moogal (Janice Kofman) stays busy collecting all sorts
of news about our FireSide family members to share with us.
Please help her out by emailing her any news or stories you
are willing to share with the group.
Janice's email address is moocake@aol.com
======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
We have to thank Pooka for the following giggle:
The Buffalo Theory
I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin,
on Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this...
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest
buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members.
"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as
we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest
and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
================================================
SPECIAL TREATS
Our first Special Treat this month comes from our friend
McPhee (Bob McPhee):
*************************
DEFEND and BEAT THEM
This was an interesting hand I defended on OKB. In third
seat I held these cards:
S Q1043
H 9
D AQ102
C Q875
The bidding looked like this:
P P 1D 1S
2D 2H P 4H
I started a low Club, and the dummy was
S AKJ72
H K1065
D 85
C A4
Declarer played low, partner winning the King and returning a
small Diamond. I cashed my two Diamond tricks, and we had
three in the bag. As you can see, the only possible chance for
the setting trick is from partners' trump. Clearly declarer does
not have a Spade loser, as not only is your Queen under that
AKJ, but he is not likely to have three spades.
I continued a Club to the A on the table. The situation is, if
declarer holds AQxxx in trumps he is making this hand, as
three rounds of trumps will end all his problems. If he does
not have the Queen of trumps, you have a chance he will
finesse you for the Queen. Let's try to imagine a way to
give declarer some help, and our side a little help as well.
He is on the table, and the picture we have in our mind is
declarer holding AJxxx in trumps. He cashes the Ace of
Spades, and then the K, showing out. Now is your chance
to be David Copperfield and create an illusion! Drop the
Spade Queen under the King, and he will play you to be
the likely defender to hold the trump Queen. That is exactly
how it was, as declarer now played low to the Ace (phew!)
and now another. I could just imagine the look on his face
when I showed out!
So an alert defense was not really so brilliant if you consider
the Queen was a useless card. What you did was make declarer
believe your pattern was 2-3-4-4, completely realistic.
*************************
You can email McPhee (Bob McPhee) at:
bobmcphee@hotmail.com
=========================================
Our second Special Treat this month comes from our friend
CaptHook:
*************************
Just Another Lesson in Counting
Bridge is a strange game. Just when you think you have
reached the point where you can finally play the game better,
you run into hands that show how much you still need to learn.
Of course, when you give up and admit you will never be any
good, the game teases you with unbelievable results.
With that in mind, the following hand came up just when I
was ready to quit the game --- again. I found myself in just
the right contract at just the right time playing against just the
right opponent. The result, of course, is that I will torture
myself playing bridge until I realize that I can never win,
and then without a doubt something good will happen.
Playing in a KO match I found myself in a 4 hearts contract
as follows:
W N E S
P 1C P 1H
P 1N P 2D*
P 2H P 4H
* new minor forcing
S Qxx
H Axx
D Qxx
C KJxx
S xx
H Kxxxx
D Kx
C AQxx
The opening lead was the K of Spades and I counted my
losers. It looked like I had four of them if I was lucky. I
saw a few chances if the opponents forgot what game they
were playing but I was not hopeful. I played small on the
first trick and then again when a 2'nd high spade was cashed.
Lefty then played a 3'rd round and my RHO followed.
DO YOU SEE ANY WAY TO TAKE 10 TRICKS?
I saw a chance and I went for it. I knew that if I pitched
a diamond on this there would be no way to sneak a diamond
past my RHO. Because LHO had passed in the first seat I was
pretty sure the A of diamonds was on my right. In fact, I have
given this hand as a defensive problem to several people and
everyone flew with the A of diamonds if a diamond was pitched.
But everyone ducked if a club was pitched. I did pitch a
club at the table and was lucky to find the entire hand as follows:
S Qxx
H Axx
D Qxx
C KJxx
S AKxx S Jxxx
H Qxx H Jx
D Txx D AJxxx
C xxx C xx
S xx
H Kxxxx
D Kx
C AQxx
After the K of diamonds won at trick four, I drew 2 rounds
of trump and tried to run the clubs. The hand with 3 trumps
had 3 clubs so I was able to pitch the remaining diamond on
the J of clubs and ended up not losing any diamonds.
Making game on this hand was worth more than however many
IMPS a game swing is. Because of this hand I will not give up
bridge, but continue to play hoping another hand comes my way
where I can do something that works out for the better. It was the
most fun I have had playing a hand in a long time. Just imagine how
disappointed I would have been if I had been playing against a
"beginner" who did not "know" to duck, not worrying about the
2 diamond tricks he would set up for me. Or, an "expert" who
would have known I needed only 1 diamond to go along with my
4 clubs and taken his trick hoping his pard had a trump trick.
So in the long run this hand is just another lesson in counting. From
East's point of view, declarer must have the A of Clubs from the
bidding (if not there is no hope for declarer anyway). That means
4 club tricks even if pard has the Q. If declarer had 5 trump tricks
he would not need any diamonds. But, 1 spade, 1 diamond, 4 clubs,
4 trumps equals ten tricks. The only hope is West has a trump trick.
The defenders must take their tricks before they go away.
***************************
You can email CaptHook at: einberg@mediaone.net
=====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thank You to BRinker for this one:
A SENIOR'S MOMENTS
Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount.
I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.
Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.
My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.
The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying "blond" is just right.
My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent."
My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.
The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.
My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure,
Bt don't call me old...just call me mature.
But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old ... I'm only mature.
=================================================
TREBLE'S TABLE TALK
====================
What's the Difference Between a 'Tica and a 'Taka?
As most of you that have read our articles and seen us play
on OKBridge know, I have a similar username (Wintaka) to Colin
Ward (Kaltica). We are also long-time partners that have
played in several important events, including two Canadian Team
finals, several Red Deer IMP Pairs Calcuttas, and team games at
our local tournaments. Our readers may be wondering if he and
I are identical clones, two peas in a pod, or IS there a
difference between a (Kal)tica and a (Win)taka?. Colin and I
have similar and ardently held viewpoints on many aspects of
bidding, but there is also a divergence between our theories
on several fronts. This submission will describe the points
of variance between them, and perhaps illuminate the thought
processes that are whirling about in their minds.
1) A 'tica is an overcaller, and a 'taka is a balancer.
Colin, as most of you that have played on OKB well know, loves
to get in there like a dirty shirt, overcalling on a wing and
a prayer on some pretty outrageous hands. Indeeed, he regards
an opening bid by the adversaries as a one round force....on
HIM to bid, irrespective of what his hand actually contains
in the way of high cards or distribution. Bill is somewhat
more deliberate in his intervention, preferring to have 10+ HCP
if vul, 8+ if not. He also tends NOT to overcall, particularly
at the two-level, if he has the "death holding," of xxx in RHO's
suit. Colin, on the other hand, pays scant attention to
vulnerability, referring to it as "some funny looking colours
that he can't understand", and jokingly refers to it as
"something accountants may fret and worry about, but has no
relevance for a BRIDGE player."
The difference in overcalling styles is basically a function
of what each of us believes the principal objective of entering
the auction to be. For Colin, the idea is to gum up the works
for the opponenents and not EVER let them have a free run in the
bidding if he has ANY say in the matter whatever. For Bill,
although he too likes to be a nuisance, he does not revel in it
to the extent that Colin does, and it's just one of several factors
he considers in his overcalls. The concept of lead direction
and the notion that the hand could actually belong to us are
in the forefront of Wintaka's thought processes, whereas to
Kaltica those are just incidentals.
It's worth noting, by the way, that if your overcalling
style is rather frisky, any BALANCING action should be fairly
rock-solid, as you are NOT usually going to catch partner with
very much for hir pass in direct chair. That's why Colin
may sometimes have a better hand if he acts in passout seat than
he would for a direct overcall. It's entirely a logical function
of the partnership's overcalling style. On the flip side, if
your overcalls tend to be rather sound, the player in balancing
chair needs to be more aggressive, as partner MAY have a fairly
decent hand that hi considered inappropriate for a direct
overcall.
The upside of a bold overcalling style is the confusion
that it may sow in the opponents' ranks, and the hindrance it
poses to them in reaching their optimum contract. The downside
is that you may be nailed for a sizeable penalty, and an offshoot
is that potential games can be missed because of the caution that
must be exercised by advancer, who will often pass with a decent
hand but no outright fit.
The sound overcaller won't often go for a number and his
side can accurately judge how high to compete in the auction and
whether to try for game. On the other hand, he isn't throwing
up much of a roadblock in the opponents' bidding endeavours.
And he often faces a tough decision LATER in the auction when
they grind to a halt in a partscore and he now has to decide
whether to get back in. In a "raise auction" the opponents
have located a fit so there is a reasonable chance we may have
a safe haven and a playable contract our way. The dangerous
auctions to balance into are 1D-p-1H-p-1NT(or 2D)-p-p. Here
there is NO established fit their way, so the hand could be
a misfit for BOTH sides. Moreover, responder could have a
fairly decent hand of 8-10 points, and have passed since hi
did not have game ambitions, but is perfectly willing to crack
the whip if an unwary opponent chooses to get involved in the
auction. As a result, successful balancing is largely the result
of good "table feel." The frisky overcaller will contend that
he may be rolling the dice on his initial action, but that the
so-called "solid citizens" are engaging in a real crap shoot in
the BALANCING decisions, when the opponents have already been
able to exchange a limited amount of information.
One more final thought is that partnerships have to decide
whether opener is forced to re-open with a double regardless of
shape when the auction proceeds something like 1S-2D-p-p back
to him, or whether he should only do it with shortness in the
enemy suit and support for the unbids. Some decide that yes,
a reopening double IS forced, in order to punish someone that
has overcalled on junk. In this way, they are deviating from
sound bridge principles, and introducing an element of
uncertainty into opener's actions, as we continue the auction
along to 1S-2D-p-p-dbl-p-2H-p-2S. If the reopening double IS
forced, opener now may just have a hand where he doesn't like
hearts. However, if opener would only double in passout chair
with SHORTNESS in their suit, this auction now promises a
VERY strong hand, since opener was not forced to double and
could have bid 2S instead. So the overcaller has already
won a victory of sorts in that your side has moved out of the
realm of natural, generally accepted bidding principles and
sacrificed quite a bit in their hunger to nail your hide to
the wall. In my experience, aggressive overcallers benefit to
a certain extent from the desire of the opponents to still
reach for the stars and achieve the OPTIMUM contract, rather
than just settle for a resonable middle ground and take what
they can get.
2) A 'tica defines point count, and a 'taka focuses on shape
The starting point for this discussion is the auction 1S-2H,
regardless of whether you play SAYC or 2/1 GF. Kaltica maintains
that a "high reverse" of 3C or 3D here by opener MUST show extra
values, 16+ HCP, and that a 2S rebid could be a minimum, usually
unbalanced hand, that may NOT have extra length in spades.
Wintaka agrees with this only in a LIMITED sense, and believes
that opener SHOULD bid the new suit if he's got reasonable shape
and his points concentrated in the long suits. Let's take a look
at several possible opening hands:
a) S--AQ10xx H--Jx D--AKxx C--Kx
b) S--AKJxx H--x D--AJ109x C--xx
c) S--AQJxx H--xx D--AK10x C--xx
d) S--KQ10xx H--xx D--AJxx C--Kx
Both of us would bid 3D on hand a) and 2S on hand d). The
latter hand is not really good enough to make the space-consuming
3D rebid, which may leave partner over a barrel. He may have
extra values with slam a possibility, or could have a tough
decision whether to go for 3NT or a minor suit game. The difference
for us is on the second and third hands, where Colin would STILL
rebid 2S, to define opener's hand is minimum, whereas I would rebid
3D in both those instances, especially in a 2/1 style. My feeling
is that while a) has a few more points than b) or c), the latter
hands are the practical equivalent because of distribution and
concentration of values. On hand b) especially, I fail to see how
opener can adequately and safely describe his hand after a 2S rebid.
If partner jumps to 3NT, aren't you just going to be ecstatic about
not having shown your diamond suit. You could be in the wrong game,
or cold for slam. Even if partner LETS you get in your diamonds by
bidding 2NT, the fifth diamond will probably have to go unshown if
responder follows up with 3NT next. Put it this way: if partner
drives to slam in ONE of my suits after a 3D rebid, I would expect
it to have a play.
In the same vein, let's contemplate opener's hand after 1D:1H
with S--Axx H--Q10xx D--AKJxx C--x. I would tend to value the
hand to a 3H raise, with 14 HCP and 2 or 3 points for the singleton
club, depending on how much you award for short suit points. Colin
probably would raise to 2H only, and hope responder can bid again.
Another difference between us is that I tend to bid aggresively
as opener with a fit, and rely on responder to put on the brakes
with a marginal hand and no fit for my original suit. Kaltica,
on the other hand, prefers that opener not stretch on the rebid
and that responder must keep the bidding alive if game is still
remotely possible. The above hand is a matter of perspective, as
I consider opener to be full values for a jump raise and Colin
would dub it as a slight overbid.
3) 'taka veers away from 'tica with opener's one-level rebids.
Now we move to the scenario where the auction has gone 1C:1D,
1C:1H or 1D:1H, and opener must now choose his rebid. 'Taka
believes that if opener bids a major at the one-level here, he
should be promising an UNBALANCED hand, where his minor
is a legitimate suit with usually five or more cards. Therefore, a
1NT rebid is permitted with a four-card major IF opener has
a balanced hand. This makes it easier for reponder to preference
opener's minor if he is not totally comfortable with the idea of
playing in notrump. The price for this is that when opener DOES
rebid 1NT and our side has a 4-4 major suit fit but responder
isn't strong enough to move towards game, we have to play the
notrump contract. For me, that is a minor inconvenience,
particularly at IMPs, since the notrump contract will often be
making and we are looking at an adverse swing ONLY if 1NT is down
while a partial can be achieved in the major suit. Moreover, in
the "Walsh" style, after a 1C opening, responder with less than
game-focing values SHOULD bid a major suit if he has one, even
with equal or longer diamonds. For Colin, the major suit fit is
paramount, so opener MUST rebid a major on these auctions, even
if his hand is flat as a pancake. A lot of ink has been spilled
on this topic and the debate may never be resolved, but I would
submit these two hands as examples to show the pitfalls and
benefits of each of the two approaches, with the auction having
proceeded 1C:1H
a) Opener 1 S--KQ9x H--x D--AQx C--AJ10xx
Opener 2 S--KQ9x H--Jxx D--Kxx C--A10x
Opener 3 S--KQ9x H--Qxx D--A10x C--K9x
Responder S--J10xx H--Axxx D--Jx C--Qxx
It's likely that a 1S rebid by opener will be passed here,
but game is pretty reasonable opposite #2, and IF responder knew
for sure that opener DID have an unbalanced hand, he could well
muster up a raise, knowing that he's got four card support and
two KNOWN goodies outside, and a possible ruffing value in
diamonds as well. However, if opener is permitted to rebid 1S
with a balanced hand, then responder cannot afford the boost
since we might be overboard at the TWO-level. So the guarantee
of an unbalanced hand is a big gainer with Opener 1, but loses
out slightly on #2, where the 1NT rebid misses a 4-4 spade fit
and lands us in a notrump contract going down. You'll note,
however, that the opponents might well compete in diamonds if
opener is allowed to rebid 1S and responder passes. #3 is a wash,
as we can make a partial in either 1NT or in spades. At any rate,
this kind of auction is one in which Colin and I both have fairly
strong views, and we've been singularly unsuccessful in our
respective attempts at persuading each other of the merits of
his convictions. All attempts at enlightening the heathen
have failed miserably. :}
Anyway, that's a wrap for this month. There are of course
OTHER differences between a 'tica and a 'taka, but we'll explore
that in greater depth in a future article.
*************************
You can write to Wintaka (Bill Treble) at:
btreble@escape.ca
You will find Bill doing his FireSide sessions
on Tuesdays at 11:00 A.M. OKbridge time, and on
alternating Saturdays at 11:00 A.M. OKbridge time.
Wintaka and Kaltica present classes on:
SAYC (Rainbow Series)
2/1 (Spectrum series)
Precision (Prism Series),
and other selected bridge topics (Kaleidoscope series).
They also offer private/group lessons and/or supervised
play sessions. Email Bill (btreble@escape.ca) or
Colin (cpw@escape.ca) for more information.
==============================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to BobW for this one:
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he
read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she
would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch
his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own
cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long
time ago."
"Oh," she said and then "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes indeed, honey," he answered. "God made you just a
little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "He's
getting better at it, isn't he?"
=================================================
AND FINALLY KALTICA
===================
My First Time
*************
Everyone remembers their first National
bridge tournament. Even 30 years after the
fact I have fond memories of my first one.
We were from a quaint town in Northern
Ontario. North Bay, with its population of
52,000, had few claims to fame aside from
being the home town of a young Michael J. Fox.
In truth, I came from one of the satellite
villages a few miles outside of North Bay:
Corbeil, Ontario. We used to joke that our
town was so small that "Welcome to Corbeil"
was written on both sides of the sign. Its
claim to fame was that this was where the
Dionne quintuplets were raised.
My original partner was the hapless
Phillip "The Maggot" McGuinty of "Fearsome
Foursome" fame. Together, the two of us were
up-and-coming big fish in a very small pond.
With so little to compare ourselves to, we
laboured under the delusion that we were
"good". Of course, a passing familiarity
with such things as squeezes, endplays and
Standard American would certainly have
helped our claim to competence. It wasn't
until we traveled to the big city (i.e.
Toronto) to play in a National ACBL tournament
that we began to doubt our self-appraisal.
Our two mentors, Denis (pronounced
"Denny") Leduc and Brian Thomas deigned to
invite us to play with them in a prestigious
knockout teams event. We were thrilled!
Brian needed only a couple of gold points
to become a Life Master. He hoped to get an
easy pairing in this event, win one round and
"go over the top". Little did we suspect
that it would be US who turned out to be the
"easy pairing".
How good was the team that we were paired
against? Joey Silver was the WEAKEST player
on the team. For those who aren't familiar
with Joey, let me simply say that if Joey
Silver is the WEAKEST player on the opposing
team you are NOT going to win this round!
The Maggot and I sat down against two
strangers. I believe their names were Messrs.
Freeberg and Cummings. Let me set the stage
for you. Mag and I are trying to concentrate
on our cards. Mr. Cummings was pressing his
very close to his face. For his part, Joel
Freeberg was calling out the cards as they
came down. He had a charming New Hampshire
accent. "The fo' of Hots, the fahv of Spides,
the ice of Damins", etc.
Now, you would think that I would clue
in, right? Nope. Like a bull in a china
shop, I listened to this for about ten
minutes before turning to Cummings, pointing
at Freeberg, and asking:
"Does he give the weather, too?"
"No," Mr. Cummings explained patiently,
"he is calling out the cards because I am
legally blind."
I, of course, wanted to slink under the
table for the rest of the round. But our
gracious opponents immediately put us at
ease, joking and clowning as the play
progressed. After Freeberg tabled and
spelled out a particularly disappointing
dummy, Cummings stopped and asked: "Are
you SURE?" :)
When I paused to consider what I thought
was a difficult defensive problem, Joel (who
was dummy) grabbed my by the wrist, turned
my hand towards him and said: "Here, let me
help you. I'm REALLY good on defence."
The Maggot and I were laughing so hard
that the Tournament Directors gave up trying
to tell us to shut up. After 32 boards we
rejoined our team mates, Brian and Denis.
The Maggot and I were giggling too hard to
compare results so we just tossed our score
card onto the table in front of Brian. Our
team mates were NOT impressed with the
condition that we were in. They were even
LESS impressed with our scores! Down 119
IMPs! Yes, 119!
During the dinner break Brian Thomas
"read us the Riot Act".
"Now listen," Brian said, "we are
toast. Gone. Eliminated. All we can do
now is go back in there and try to salvage
whatever vestige of misplaced pride that
we may still have. Now, I want you two to
play out the string. I just want us to
save face at this point, okay?"
Being the brash young pups that we
were, the Maggot and I nodded concurrence.
As soon as we were out of earshot, though,
we looked at each other and said in unison:
"No undoubled contracts!"
32 boards later the carnage ended.
I wasn't around for the final tally but I
suspected that it wasn't pretty. We met
Joey Silver in the elevator. The Maggot
actually had the gall to ask:
"Did we win?"
Mr. Silver shook his head.
"Was it close?"
Again, Mr. Silver shook his head.
In those days the daily bulletins
were slipped under your hotel room door
each morning. After trying to sleep off
the shock, ignominy and magnitude of our loss,
Brian Thomas awoke and reached for his copy.
He flipped to the report of the knockouts to
find the usual thesaurus of synonyms for
"defeated". So-and-so "nipped" whoever,
someone "thrashed" someone else, Team A
"edged out" Team B, etc. Then, in huge
one inch purple headline text, he read:
"...WHILE THE BRIAN THOMAS TEAM WAS
ANNIHILATED BY THE INCREDIBLE SCORE OF
TWO HUNDRED AND SEVEN NINE IMPS!!!"
Now that I think of it, Brian and Denis
never invited us onto their team again.
Go figure! :)
*************************
You'll find Kaltica (Colin Ward) doing his FireSide
sessions on Friday evenings at 5:30 P.M. OKbridge time.
Kaltica and Wintaka present classes on:
SAYC (Rainbow Series)
2/1 (Spectrum series)
Precision (Prism Series),
and other selected bridge topics (Kaleidoscope series).
They also offer private/group lessons and/or supervised
play sessions. Email Colin (cpw@escape.ca) or
Bill (btreble@escape.ca) for more information.
=====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Our final giggle from Tuna :-)
New Years Eve at the Pub
-----------------------
New Year's Eve my wife stood up at the
local pub and said that it was time to get
ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted
every husband to be standing next to the
one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The
bartender was almost crushed to death.
======================================================