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Fireside Chat
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FIRESIDE CHAT AUGUST 2005
(Special "Best Of" Edition)
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Welcome and Announcements
Believer's FireSide Kindling
Moogal's FireSide Log
Reprints Of Archived Newsletters
=======================================
WELCOME AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
Welcome to the August, 2005 issue of FireSide
Chat, our monthly newsletter written for and about
our FireSide friends and events.
Once again we are bringing you a "best of" edition
of the newsletter. We hope you enjoy this "stroll
through the past" :)
You can find current and past issues of this "FireSide
Chat" newsletter posted at our FireSide web site:
http://www.firesides.net/thechat.htm
If, for any reason, you do not wish to receive
these mailings, please write to Believer at
sarastobbe@aol.com to be removed from our mailing
list.
===========================================
CURRENT FIRESIDE SCHEDULE
Day Pacific Time Commentator
MON 11:00 A.M. POOKA
MON 5:00 P.M.* BRIDGBOY
TUE 11:00 A.M. BRIDGBOY
TUE 5:30 P.M. WINTAKA
WED 11:00 A.M. FREDW3
WED 5:30 P.M. DIANEW
THU 11:00 A.M. POOKA
THU 5:30 P.M. WISHTRIK
FRI 11:00 A.M. BLUEBEE
FRI 5:30 P.M. KALTICA
Commentators may change without notice,
according to their availability.
(*starts 1/2 hour earlier on Monday night)
*******************
Although there is no set fee for participating in
these "open to all" sessions, please note that FireSide
Bidding Practice Sessions operate with the support of
those who attend. For information about how to
become a supporting member, please contact Kaltica at
kaltica@mts.net, Moogal at moocake@bellsouth.net,
or Believer at sarastobbe@aol.com.
Thanks to all of you for supporting the FireSide sessions
in all the many different ways you have of doing so.
We want to thank our commentators for their dedication
and caring. Please, think of them when you are thinking
of taking private lessons, paying a professional to play
tourneys with you, getting involved in a group session
mentoring program... most, if not all, of our commentators
and contributors to this newsletter are available for those
services. Just think how much easier it is to learn
from someone who's already a friend!
*******************
All articles herein (c) 2005 by FireSide Chat.
All rights reserved.
===============================================
BELIEVER'S FIRESIDE KINDLING
============================
Hi all
Another "best of" issue this month. We'll
be back to 'fresh' material next month.
I found this posted in a newsgroup on the web
and liked it enough to want to share it with
you.
See you next month!
Sara
********************
** In Shock Quietness **
Joe was shocked, confused, bewildered
as he entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
nor by the lights or its decor.
No, it was the folks in Heaven
who made him sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the alcoholics,
the used car salesmen, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped his lunch money twice.
Next to him was his old neighbor
who never said anything nice.
Tommy, who he always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.
Joe nudged the angel, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said the angel.
"They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."
********************
You can write to Believer (Sara Stobbe) at:
sarastobbe@aol.com or bb@wowway.com
======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Benson for this one:
(must be a bridge player!)
Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift
wrapped box.
"It's my wife's birthday tomorrow." Doug said. "Last week I asked
her what she wanted for her birthday."
"And???" Bill asked.
"Well, she said 'Oh, I don't know just give me something with
diamonds in it'."
"So what did you get her?" asked Bill.
Doug replies, "I bought her a deck of cards!
=====================================================
MOOGAL'S FIRESIDE LOG
=====================
OKB Tourneys
Well done to all our Fireside friends who excelled in
the tourneys this past month!!
==========================================
Minis
Mon Jul 4 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 bridgboy/janine 65.15
Tue Jul 5 07:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 peter-1/sam143 2.95
Tue Jul 5 04:00 PM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 lucinha/wheels 2.47
Thu Jul 7 05:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 lucinha/wheels 3.05
Sat Jul 9 11:00 AM
Rank Team Score
1 eaglet/hawes 64.58
Sat Jul 9 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 judydee/tish499 62.62
Sat Jul 9 05:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 analisa/oink 66.77
Sun Jul 10 07:00 PM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 sam143/wintaka 1.87
Fri Jul 15 04:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 elgringo/kensan 3.66
Sat Jul 16 11:00 AM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 kaltica/ulrika 59.36
Sat Jul 16 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 Kaltica/ulrika 75.50
Mon Jul 25 07:00 PM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 flash/tuna 60.52
Wed Jul 27 11:00 AM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 kaltica/ulrika 51.36
Thu Jul 28 11:00 AM
Rank Team Score
1 creemore/judydee 65.57
Thu Jul 28 04:00 PM
Rank Team Score
2 jayne/Jim 60.45
Fri Jul 29 11:00 AM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 kaltica/ulrika 62.71
Fri Jul 29 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 Kaltica/ulrika 65.83
Fri Jul 29 07:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 ask1/msbbbb 5.24
Sat Jul 30 11:00 AM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 kaltica/ulrika 60.62
Sat Jul 30 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 Kaltica/ulrika 73.33
Sat Jul 30 05:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 frangau/tuna 4.00
=============================
Our Flight B/C tourney stars:
albertb, analisa, arrow, ask1, baol, birdie, desiree, ed4,
elgringo, frank-1, Frodo, gmeier, hawes, imogene, Janwa,
jayne, Jim, judydee, julie, kitkat, knyee, lee-1, macavity,
MarlysE, marys, MMusic, Neophyte, pollye, potts, reggie,
riggin, sannick, tanis, todd, toddy.
We encourage you to change your flight to B or C so that you are
competing on an appropriate level -- you can do this on the OKB
website home page. Look for "Change my flight" in the box where
your icon appears. This is OKB's way of letting everyone have a
chance to get some pond points. And, as more and more of you
change your flights, the flighted results will be more realistic.
And, remember, if you do place in the overalls, you are still
eligible for the higher awards!
And thank you to Sara who is now checking the tourney results for
our Fireside friends!
**********************************************************
NOVICE MENTOR TOURNEY
Well done to all our top finishers
Thu Jul 14 06:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 de/knyee 62.50
2 alan524/eudora 55.00
3 j21/redlin 52.50
4 anneS/wheels 50.00
Be sure to show up on the second Thursday each month (August 11th
this month) for your chance to play in this fun, easy-going
session of an OKB mini. You may be encouraged to try the daily
ones!
********************************************************
FIRESIDE'S TEAM GAME
Our July winners are:
07-10-2005 TEAM CALBEAR Calbear, AndyH, Seeker, Neophyte &
Redlin
07-31-2005 TEAM GNOSIS Gnosis, Gaus271, Judydee and Woohoo
Visit our website at www.firesides.net/mtc.htm for info and
lists of all our top placing stars. To get on the email
reminder list for these games, contact us at firesider@aol.com
- all welcome!
**********************************************************
My favorite topic: Our best wishes to two new grandmothers,
Bonnie (TARA) and MINDY!
Bonnie has a new grandson Evan, born 7/1/05 weighing 8 lbs 1.3
oz, born to Bonnie's son Kenneth and his wife Lillian. Baby
and mother are doing just fine, and Lillian is even back to
her pre-pregnancy weight. (After 3 weeks?? I am still trying
to accomplish that after 28 years:) )
Mindy writes: Our new grandchild is named Chaim Joseph
Neuman. His first name is Hebrew for "life" and his
middle name carries on our family name which is Joseph.
He was born on 6/16 and weighed 7 lbs. My daughter has
taken to motherhood like a duck to water and her husband,
Dovid, is a great Abba (Hebrew for Daddy). Each time we
see the three of them together, our cup runneth over.
Our congratulations and love to you both. And a heartfelt
thank you to the Firesider (who wishes to remain anonymous)
who donated to our fund in honor of these two precious babies.
**********************************************************
Are you a Jeopardy fan? Check out "Contract Bridge for
$2000, Alex" on the ACBL website. We all would have run
the category!
http://www.acbl.org/news/bridgeonJeopardy.htm
**********************************************************
Another brief log this month while we are in summer mode.....
I hope you are enjoying yourselves!
By the time you read this I will have gone and come back
from the Atlanta Nationals, a disoriented Miamian playing
on "Team Houston" with Eric (ETSAND), Jonathan (JHARRISH)
and John (JHM). Watch this spot next month for stories of
our attempts in the Baby Spingold (you gotta know that will
be an experience!), and visits with DianeW, Bridgboy,
Wishtrik and hopefully others who saw my OKB/Fireside buttons!
Send news!
Hugs, Janice
=================================================
While we list the lessons offered by the commentators who
write for The Chat, we want to note that some of our other
commentators and newsletter contributors also give lessons
in most shapes and sizes....mentoring games, tourney play,
partnership coaching, just about whatever type of lesson
you could envision.
Please feel free to contact any of them for lessons:
Colin/Kaltica kaltica@mts.net
Bill/Wintaka btreble@shaw.ca
Lynn/Wishtrik lynn@lynndeas.com
Dann/Pooka pspeard@telusplanet.net
Bob/Bridgboy bridgboy@charter.net
Diane/DianeW diane@walkersweb.org
Bernard/Bluebee Bernardh@btinternet.com
Fred/FredW3 Please msg on OKB
Nightowl/Jack trojanowl@aol.com
The lessons can be more affordable than you might
think, especially mentoring games. We think our
commentators give you your money's worth when you
choose private lessons, and they really value your
business. Maybe you can hint to a loved one what
you would like for your next birthday!
***********************************************************
Kaleidoscope, Rainbow, and Spectrum Series Online!
The Kaleidoscope series is now online! You can take the
six lessons, answering the questions as you go along, and then
having your score and the lesson text emailed to you.
Just go to:
http://www.firesides.net/kaleidoscope.htm
A good idea might be to start with the Rainbow series:
http://www.firesides.net/rainbows.htm
Later, if interested in 2/1-GF, you can check out
the Spectrum series:
http://www.firesides.net/spectrums.htm
***********************************************************
Have a comment you'd like to make about the FireSide program? An
event or announcement you'd like to share with the rest of us? A
question you'd like answered? Here's a great place for us to
visit every day and keep up with each other:
http://www.firesides.net/chatline.htm
********************
Can't remember if this is a Mentor Cup week or when the next
Fireside session is? Get the complete schedule of events at:
www.firesides.net/whatsup.htm
Bookmark this page, and check back often. You don't want to
miss anything!
For those of you who use a credit card to support Fireside,
it's easy now with PAYPAL! Go to:
www.firesides.net/support.htm
*********************
FIRESIDE UTILITY SITES
http://www.firesides.net/checker.htm
http://www.firesides.net/dealhand.htm
********************
And if you haven't had a chance to check them out yet,
here are some links to some of the quizzes that Colin has
developed to enlighten us:
www.firesides.net/staymantest.htm
www.firesides.net/sayctest.htm
www.firesides.net/sarctest.htm
www.firesides.net/spectrumtest.htm
www.firesides.net/bidstest.htm
www.firesides/net/IGITSAP.htm
(Note that IGITSAP must be in CAPS.)
Give them a try! They are fun and instructive.
*****************************************************
June Events: (All times Pacific)
===============================
NOVICE/MENTOR TOURNEY:
======================
Thursday, August 11, at 6:00 PM, OKb time.
A low-key introduction to the tourney experience,
sponsored by Fifth Chair...see www.fifthchair.org
for more info on this and their other services,
including getting a mentor.
FIRESIDE MENTOR CUP TEAM GAME:
==============================
Sundays, 5:00 P.M. August 14 & 28.
See www.firesides.net/mtc.htm for info and lists
of past winners. To get on the mailing list for
this game, email me at firesider@aol.com.
OKSCRIPT SEMINAR:
=================
OKScript seminars are held as demand warrants.
Email Kaltica to schedule a session, usually available
on the same Sunday as the Mentor Cup Game, at 2:30 p.m.
OKScript is an add-on program that saves you many
keystrokes while playing on OKB by sending
prepared text to the table, opps, or lobby at the
push of a button. Try to download the program BEFORE
the seminar by going to www.firesides.net/okscript.htm.
For more information, email Colin at kaltica@mts.net.
FIFTH CHAIR INSTRUCTIONAL EVENTS:
=================================
Interested in getting a mentor to play with you periodically
in your learning of this wonderful game? Please contact
tarsh1@mindspring.com and ask for a mentor.
SAYC Novice Team Game:
Saturdays, at 8:00 a.m. PACIFIC. Newcomers very
welcome! In addition to the team game, there will be
an open table for those waiting to join the team game.
This table will also have a commentator.
2/1 Team Game for intermediate players:
Saturdays, 11:00 a.m. Pacific. Novices are welcome in
spectator mode.
Look for the words FIFTH CHAIR beside the server's name,
in the table notes, to attend either of these sessions
You can also go to the Fifth Chair Foundation webpage:
www.fifthchair.org if you have any bidding questions. After
clicking on the webpage, find the Ask Anything section. Write
an email to Lucy, and she will be most happy to answer your
questions.
OKbridge offers us an email discussion opportunity,
the Discuss List. You can join that list by emailing them
at Discuss-Request@okbridge.com and put the word 'subscribe'
in the subject line. You can also participate in the
discussions via the OKbridge web site now, just go to the
members area at www.okbridge.com and you'll find the Discuss
List there at the bottom of your opening page.
********************
Moogal (Janice Kofman) stays busy collecting all sorts
of news about our FireSide family members to share with us.
Please help her out by emailing her any news or stories you
are willing to share with the group.
Janice's email address is moocake@bellsouth.net
======================================================
BIDDING WITH BRIDGBOY
>From January, 2002
Minor Suit Bidding
In November, we talked about the recurring problem of
being unable to force when partner opens one of a minor,
and we have full opening values and primary support for
the bid minor. This month we shall suggest some ways
to solve this problem, so that we will be more accurate
in our minor suit bidding. It is imperative to have a
method in place to investigate minor suit contracts, not
only for slam purposes, but also for when 3NT is going
down and five of a minor is cold.
A very popular method is to play inverted minor suit
raises. In this system the auction:
1C-P-2C
or
1D-P-2D
is a one round force showing four or more of the raised
suit, and at least limit raise values or better. This will
allow the partnership to at least mention their fit at a
low level, so both players realize that it is their hand
and that a good fit exists. The auction is forcing to at
least 3 of the agreed minor. Of course, this raise denies
a four card major suit, which we would show first if we had
it. This allows opener to show his stoppers for no-trump
(the most likely game) or to just sign off in 3 of the minor
with nothing to show. Responder can carry on if his hand is
sufficiently strong to do so.
When we use any convention we have to give something up,
and in this case it is the 1D-P-2D raise in the 6-10 point
range. But this is a small sacrifice to make to have better
accuracy in our bidding.
We can now use the jump raise as a preemptive bid, showing
weakness and five or more of the suit with distributional
features.
Another method to consider: playing a jump shift in the
other minor as a strong forcing raise of the first bid
minor. For example, if partner bids 1C, the bid of 2D
by responder is an artificial raise of clubs. It promises
a full opening bid and denies four of either major.
Likewise, partner opens 1D and we bid 3C to show an
artificial raise of diamonds. We are sacrificing the
natural jump shifts, but again the tradeoff is small, and
we do gain much more accuracy in our minor suit auctions.
The message is clear: no matter which you choose, make sure
you have an established method of forcing in the minor
suits, just as you do when partner opens one of a major.
Do not treat the minor suits with such disdain that they are
ignored in your partnership. They do count for score, and
can lead to good results. Avoid having to guess whether 3NT
is the best spot -- guessing is for gamblers, not for bridge
players!
====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
From April 2004
Thanks to PamA for this giggle:
Two guys play bridge all afternoon at the club and adjourn for
dinner. They go over every hand, dutifully writing on every
napkin not to mention their tablecloth. They go back, play
another session, and adjourn to the same restaurant for a late
snack. Again they start to go over the hands.
Finally, one says: "Bill, I can't take it any more, can't we talk
about something else, anything else, like politics, the movies,
sports, sex?
Bill says, "Sex? I had sex diamonds to the king queen......"
===========================================================
(A fun excerpt from one of MOOGAL'S FIRESIDE LOGs of the past...)
********************
>From January 2002:
Lyn (LYNKOS) shared this fun live bridge experience with
us!:
To my pds; a warning... :)
Yesterday at a F2F game: as Dealer, non vul vs vul,
I pick up this hand:
S x
H Kxx
D AKQxxxx
C xx
I Think: too strong for 3D preempt
I Wonder: if my hand is this distributional, who has the
majors?
I Reason: probably my vul opponents
I Should: bid 1D (What? that's asking the opps to bid a major!)
I Remember: Ward Rule #2: "Behave Politely; Bid Obnoxiously!"
I Bid: 3NT! (Gambling: well, was close...)
I Hear: P-P-P
The Lead: small heart :)
With a Club or Spade lead I was a dead duck;
but I got a heart...OH! What LUCK!
The Dummy:
S xxxx
H AJx :) *I know where Q is... :))
D xx
C Kxxx
The Play: Take the lead with the HK, run diamonds (opps
groaning, pard smiling, with each successive D played),
finesse HJ, play HA for +430!
The Traveler: All others in 4 or 5S by RHO; (somehow 2
went down & 2 made 5)
The Comments:
LHO: "I have 6H's - will always lead one!"
RHO: "How many others bid 3NT?"
Me: "No one. I am crazy."
RHO: "Crazy like a fox, you mean!"
Pd: "I alerted it like you said, but I don't even
remember what it is!" (lol)
I Know: Bad bridge.., but a rush when it works! :)
The Moral:
I am contrite, *but* will NOT repent.
ROFL
Lynkos
PS: Thanks Colin!
========================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From January, 2002:
We received this one from several of you -- thanks to
all who sent it!
Oath
--Author Unknown
I'm giving up bridge - tonight's my last night
It's Amen to Stayman, I give up the fight.
The insults and muddles are giving me troubles.
And I can't sleep at night for thinking of doubles.
My cards are all rotten and I have forgotten
Who's played and what's trumps
And what's gone on my right!
So for now its all over - I'm off to the back wood
I'm bidding good-bye to Gerber and Blackwood.
I can't stand the hassle, I can't stand the pain
I'm getting those bad cards again and again.
I'm giving up bridge - tonight's a bad night.
Declarer is horrid and nothing's gone right.
My partner's a dope and I'm losing all hope
And when she says "double," I know we're in trouble.
My points are not high, and I'm wondering why
She kept on bidding right up to the sky.
We're in seven spades and all my hope fades
When surprise, surprise, her high bidding pays
We're winning all tricks the defenders feel sick
And I have to admit my partner's a brick.
But I'm giving up bridge - tonight's my last night.
Farewell to conventions - I give up the fight!
So I leave with few words but some that are true,
Bridge is a game not for me but for you.
So be kind to your partners and don't mind their cheek
For it's only a game - oh! and see you next week.
==========================================================
IAN'S PARTNERSHIP STUFF
=======================
From December, 2004
Losing Trick Count
(A very brief outline)
Copyright (c) Ian M. Wilson 2004
Hands where the high cards are concentrated in the long suits
are considerably more powerful than those where the high cards
are located in the short suits. For example, look at:
a) AKxxxxx x x AKxx
b) Kxxxxxx A A Kxxx
On (a) you would expect to make 4s opposite a dummy containing
little more than either black Queen. On (b) you would need
considerably more help than this to make 4s.
The Losing Trick Count (LTC) is a method for assessing the
trick-taking potential of hands that takes into account the
honor distribution, rather than just the total number of High
Card Points in the hand.
[Note: From bridgeguys.com: A method of hand valuation as set
forth in the book "The System the Experts Play", as portrayed
by Mr. F. Dudley Courtenay in 1934.]
How to use it
-------------
ONCE YOU HAVE FOUND A TRUMP SUIT, take the Losing Trick Count
for your hand and your partner's hand. Add them together.
Subtract the total from 24. The result is the number of tricks
you can expect to take under normal conditions.
Example: you and your partner both have "7-loser" hands (i.e.
hands with a Losing Trick Count equal to 7). You have
identified a spade fit. Subtracting 14 (7+7) from 24 leaves
10; in other words, you can expect to take 10 tricks.
Therefore you belong in game.
If you have a 7-loser hand (or better) and partner opens,
drive to game. If you have a 5-loser hand (or better) and
partner opens, investigate slam.
When to use it
--------------
To determine the trick-taking potential of distributional
hands. It doesn't work as well for NT contracts as simple
point count methods.
Basics of the LTC
-----------------
- each suit has a maximum of 3 losers
- the maximum number of losers in a suit is its length
(up to 3)
- subtract 1 loser for each A, K, or Q you have in a suit
- add the loser count for all 4 suits to get the total
for the hand
The fewer losers you have, the better the hand. So a 6-loser
hand is better than a 7-loser hand.
Minimum opening bids are around 6-7 losers.
Hands with 4-5 losers are 1-openers followed by a reverse
or jump shift.
Hands with 3 or fewer losers are extremely powerful (you
are very close to having game in your own hand).
Example: AKxxx Kxxx Jx Jx.
Spades = 1 loser
(maximum of 3, minus 1 for the A and 1 for the K).
Hearts = 2 losers (maximum of 3, minus 1 for the K)
Diamonds = 2 losers (maximum of 2 for the 2-card suit)
Clubs = 2 losers (maximum of 2 for the 2-card suit)
Total = 7
Example: Axxxxxx x x Axxx
Spades = 2 losers
Hearts = 1 loser
Diamonds = 1 loser
Clubs = 2 losers
Total = 6
Note that by Losing Trick Count standards, this hand with 8
HCP is better than the previous hand which has 12 HCP.
Example: AKQxxx KQxxx x x
Spades = 0 losers
Hearts = 1 loser
Diamonds = 1 loser
Clubs = 1 loser
Total = 3
This last hand is worth game opposite a vestige of a fit in
either major; yet it "only" has 14 HCP.
Adjustments
-----------
Queens are not worth their full LTC value unless accompanied
by a higher honor. So a holding such as Qxx in a suit should
be counted as 3 losers rather than 2.
Aces are worth more than their LTC value suggests. A hand
containing mostly aces should be upgraded.
Reminder: you need to ensure that an adequate trump fit exists
before LTC arithmetic will deliver a sensible answer!
Advantages and Drawbacks
------------------------
Pro: LTC gives you a much better idea of the trick-taking
power of distributional hands than do point-count methods.
People who like to open light, shapely hands will be pleased
to know that they have the blessing of LTC .
Con: Some regulating bodies, ACBL included, take a dim view of
opening hands such as Axxxxxx x x Axxx with 1s without some
sort of prealert about "very light openers". If you are going
to use LTC as a criterion whether to open hands or not, you
will need to consult your regional ruling body's rules (or
just prealert; or just add a rule for yourself about needing
2-and-a-half defensive tricks for a 1 opener).
Pro: To my mind, opening light shapely hands is more fun than
sitting waiting for the next deal. It depends what you want
:). Have fun, whatever your chosen methods.
--ian
=========================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From July, 2002:
Thanks to Mindy for this giggle:
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet,
so I decided to test her. I would point out something and
ask what color it was. She would tell me and always she was
correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she
headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you
should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
========================================================
AND FINALLY KALTICA
===================
>From February, 2002:
My First Time
*************
Everyone remembers their first National
bridge tournament. Even 30 years after the
fact I have fond memories of my first one.
We were from a quaint town in Northern
Ontario. North Bay, with its population of
52,000, had few claims to fame aside from
being the home town of a young Michael J. Fox.
In truth, I came from one of the satellite
villages a few miles outside of North Bay:
Corbeil, Ontario. We used to joke that our
town was so small that "Welcome to Corbeil"
was written on both sides of the sign. Its
claim to fame was that this was where the
Dionne quintuplets were raised.
My original partner was the hapless
Phillip "The Maggot" McGuinty of "Fearsome
Foursome" fame. Together, the two of us were
up-and-coming big fish in a very small pond.
With so little to compare ourselves to, we
laboured under the delusion that we were
"good". Of course, a passing familiarity
with such things as squeezes, endplays and
Standard American would certainly have
helped our claim to competence. It wasn't
until we traveled to the big city (i.e.
Toronto) to play in a National ACBL tournament
that we began to doubt our self-appraisal.
Our two mentors, Denis (pronounced
"Denny") Leduc and Brian Thomas deigned to
invite us to play with them in a prestigious
knockout teams event. We were thrilled!
Brian needed only a couple of gold points
to become a Life Master. He hoped to get an
easy pairing in this event, win one round and
"go over the top". Little did we suspect
that it would be US who turned out to be the
"easy pairing".
How good was the team that we were paired
against? Joey Silver was the WEAKEST player
on the team. For those who aren't familiar
with Joey, let me simply say that if Joey
Silver is the WEAKEST player on the opposing
team you are NOT going to win this round!
The Maggot and I sat down against two
strangers. I believe their names were Messrs.
Freeberg and Cummings. Let me set the stage
for you. Mag and I are trying to concentrate
on our cards. Mr. Cummings was pressing his
very close to his face. For his part, Joel
Freeberg was calling out the cards as they
came down. He had a charming New Hampshire
accent. "The fo' of Hots, the fahv of Spides,
the ice of Damins", etc.
Now, you would think that I would clue
in, right? Nope. Like a bull in a china
shop, I listened to this for about ten
minutes before turning to Cummings, pointing
at Freeberg, and asking:
"Does he give the weather, too?"
"No," Mr. Cummings explained patiently,
"he is calling out the cards because I am
legally blind."
I, of course, wanted to slink under the
table for the rest of the round. But our
gracious opponents immediately put us at
ease, joking and clowning as the play
progressed. After Freeberg tabled and
spelled out a particularly disappointing
dummy, Cummings stopped and asked: "Are
you SURE?" :)
When I paused to consider what I thought
was a difficult defensive problem, Joel (who
was dummy) grabbed my by the wrist, turned
my hand towards him and said: "Here, let me
help you. I'm REALLY good on defence."
The Maggot and I were laughing so hard
that the Tournament Directors gave up trying
to tell us to shut up. After 32 boards we
rejoined our team mates, Brian and Denis.
The Maggot and I were giggling too hard to
compare results so we just tossed our score
card onto the table in front of Brian. Our
team mates were NOT impressed with the
condition that we were in. They were even
LESS impressed with our scores! Down 119
IMPs! Yes, 119!
During the dinner break Brian Thomas
"read us the Riot Act".
"Now listen," Brian said, "we are
toast. Gone. Eliminated. All we can do
now is go back in there and try to salvage
whatever vestige of misplaced pride that
we may still have. Now, I want you two to
play out the string. I just want us to
save face at this point, okay?"
Being the brash young pups that we
were, the Maggot and I nodded concurrence.
As soon as we were out of earshot, though,
we looked at each other and said in unison:
"No undoubled contracts!"
32 boards later the carnage ended.
I wasn't around for the final tally but I
suspected that it wasn't pretty. We met
Joey Silver in the elevator. The Maggot
actually had the gall to ask:
"Did we win?"
Mr. Silver shook his head.
"Was it close?"
Again, Mr. Silver shook his head.
In those days the daily bulletins
were slipped under your hotel room door
each morning. After trying to sleep off
the shock, ignominy and magnitude of our loss,
Brian Thomas awoke and reached for his copy.
He flipped to the report of the knockouts to
find the usual thesaurus of synonyms for
"defeated". So-and-so "nipped" whoever,
someone "thrashed" someone else, Team A
"edged out" Team B, etc. Then, in huge
one inch purple headline text, he read:
"...WHILE THE BRIAN THOMAS TEAM WAS
ANNIHILATED BY THE INCREDIBLE SCORE OF
TWO HUNDRED AND SEVEN NINE IMPS!!!"
Now that I think of it, Brian and Denis
never invited us onto their team again.
Go figure! :)
=======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From March, 2003:
Thanks to Pringle for these funnies:
What My Mother Taught Me:
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"
RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why."
FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."
IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
STAMINA
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
WEATHER
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;
would you listen then?"
HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -
Don't Exaggerate!!!"
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"
ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
THANKS, MOM!
=====================================================
MEZZIE LENDS A HAND
===================
>From December, 2003:
Cruise Control
During a long team match, there are plenty of hands
which arise that require little thought. The bidding
is straightforward, and when dummy comes down there
are plenty of tricks available. Wasting precious time
scratching for overtricks will burn you out, so you
save your concentration for the "problem" hands, and
set yourself in "cruise control" on the easy hands.
Identifying which hands you can sit back and relax on
can be tricky, however!
Sitting South in an lengthy match, you are dealer and
pick up a normal 1NT opener. After a Stayman sequence
and silent opponents, you find yourself declarer in
3NT.
The opening lead is the 5 of hearts, and these are the
cards you can see:
Dummy (North)
S Q985
H AJ2
D AJ87
C 82
You (South)
S AK4
H Q7
D Q9542
C A73
Let's count our tricks. Assuming the opening lead is
from the king of hearts, we can ride the opening lead
around to our queen, and repeat the heart finesse for
3 heart tricks. We have 3 sure spade tricks, and a 4th
if spades are 3-3 or if an opponent holds JT
doubleton. How about diamonds? With this suit
combination, we can never win less than 4 tricks (the
awkward holding is when West holds all the missing
diamonds), and may have 5 with a successful spade
finesse and a 2-2 break (or a singleton king onside).
Add to those the ace of clubs, and it seems as though
we have plenty of tricks!
This seems to be one of those "cruise control" hands.
In other words, a ho-hum 3NT contract with enough
tricks available so that we can pretty much play it by
mechanically following suit.
Can anything go wrong?
We run the opening heart lead to our queen of hearts
and - wait a minute! East wins the 1st trick with the
king of hearts. Oh well, we only have 2 heart tricks
now. We assume East will lead back a heart, but after
a couple of seconds of thought, East plays back a low
club. It is then that we notice our frail club
holding! We duck twice, and win the 3rd club to take
the diamond finesse. East holds that king, too, and
cashes 2 more clubs to put our once-promising contract
2 down.
Now that we see the problem, the solution is easy.
Our thinking declarer takes the ace of hearts at trick
1. This costs us a chance at 3 heart tricks, but now
nothing the defense does can hurt us. We cross to the
king of spades to take the diamond finesse, which
loses. Now, even if East switches to clubs, we have
set up enough tricks for our contract: 3 spades, a
heart, 4 diamonds and the ace of clubs.
The hands:
Dummy
S Q985
H AJ2
D AJ87
C 82
West East
S 762 S JT3
H T9854 H K63
D T3 D K6
C Q94 C KJT65
You
S AK4
H Q7
D Q9542
C A73
The moral: take an extra minute before you play to
trick 1 to see if anything can go wrong with a
seemingly iron-clad contract. Trust me, an extra
minute of thinking BEFORE the play starts will save
you a lot of IMPs by the end of day!
=================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From December, 2003:
Subject: A.A.A.D.D.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.--Age
Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it
manifests: I decided to wash my car. As I start
toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the
hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I
wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table,
put the junk mail in the trash can under the table,
and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide
to put the bills back on the table and take out the
trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be
near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I
may as well pay the bills first.
I take out my checkbook that is on the table, and see that
there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk
in the den, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of soda
that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but
first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't
accidentally knock it over. I see that the soda is getting
warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep
it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase
of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be
watered.
I set the soda down on the counter, and I discover my reading
glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide
I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to
water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight
when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but
nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I
decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first
I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers,
but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back
down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was
planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills
aren't paid, there is a warm bottle of soda sitting on
the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is
still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the
remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember
what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to
figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and
I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it , but first I'll
check my e-mail.
==============================================
DEALING WITH DANN
=================
>From August, 2002:
Cover an Honour?
Hi folks.
Well, it's about that time again, getting close to deadline
and I'm looking for topics not already used in this month's
edition. I thought that for a change I'd talk a little bit
about defensive play, instead of the usual bidding
strategies/rules/insights.
I've chosen a basic situation, based on a question from a
FireSide participant. So, we'll go back to the basics,
to talk a little bit about the question:
"When should I cover an honour?"
Usually, the old saying we all learned, "cover an honour with an
honour," is a good rule to follow. You force declarer to take
the trick with a high card, and hopefully promote pard's or your
lower cards.
But, when declarer is doing the leading, we have a quick rule of
thumb -- cover an honour when its dummy's last honour. For
instance, if dummy has some JTx, and declarer starts with the
jack, we would refuse to cover (saving our honour for the 10
spot.) Sometimes common sense has to take over -- if looking at
QJTx, and holding Kxxx, we would not cover with our K (if we
wait, declarer must have 4 of the suit to be able to erase our
king as a trick, and chances are good that declarer does not have
4 in his hand, too.)
Keep in mind that I'm only giving a couple of examples here,
because, as with most situations in bridge, there is no perfect
solution to this question. Nothing substitutes for experience,
and the longer you the play, the more experience you have.
If all else fails, refer to the only universal bridge rule --
Think twice before playing once.
Happy bridging all -- I hope you're enjoying your summer.
Dann (POOKA) Kramer
=======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From August, 2002:
Thanks to Benson for this one:
The Water Pistol
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his
grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with
delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so
pleased.
I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you
remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."
====================================================
ECOFIN'S BACK TO THE BASICS
===========================
>From July 2002:
The Bridge Ethos
The purpose of this editorial is to discuss a subject that
is every bit as important and fascinating as the bidding
and play: the ethos of bridge. In North American football
the teams huddle in secret before each play and then spring
their plan on an unsuspecting opposition. Bridge, on the
other hand, requires full disclosure. As such, at first
blush, the two games seem antipodal opposite. Yes, both
have a printed record describing these strategies, but the
bridge convention card is presented to the opponents while
the football play book is guarded from prying eyes better
than Fort Knox!
In actual fact, the games are not so different. In
bridge, we are told what the bid means but not where the
opponents are going with it. Similarly, the defenders in
football do see the layout before the ball is snapped but
don't know where those players are headed. The reason
that bridge went with full disclosure, then, is much the
same reason that sports teams are required to wear uniforms.
Intelligent defence in both cases needs to have the
particulars accurately spelled out to them. Bridge, then,
is more a game of dealing with information as provided
rather than scouting the opposition for patterns in order
to gleam this data.
Imagine if all the football players wore identical
uniforms and didn't have to line up on their own side
of the line of scrimmage. Pandemonium! THAT is what
bridge would be like without accurate and full disclosure.
Hence, it is of paramount importance that we reveal our
agreements in bidding and carding to our opponents--and
vice versa.
Playing in a tourney several weeks ago, I encountered:
LHO Pard RHO Me
1H 2S 4D Pass
4H Pass Pass Pass
No alert or explanation on the 4D bid. When I suggested
that the 4D bid might have been alerted as a splinter
bid, the response that I got from this expert was: "What
else could it be?"
It is very difficult for Tourney Directors to have to
deal with each and every failure to alert and explain
our calls. Players have to learn what is alertable
and remember to make those alerts and explications
WITHOUT being asked or prompted. Pre-alerting our
system and general tendencies is equally important.
A number of partnerships exhibit a proclivity to open
marginal hands with no previous notice that this
occurs. Again, playing in a different tourney, and
against an established partnership, the opening bidder
had 9 HCP and his partner had a fit and 14 HCP. They
managed to struggle all the way up to 3 of a major
which, of course, was right. Obviously, 14 HCP
Responder knew that Opener might be this light and
MUST reveal this information to the opponents.
I use these examples to suggest that the most exemplary
partnership that I can think of in terms of disclosure
ethics are Kaltica and Moogal. While I have, on a rare
occasion, suggested that Colin likes to bid his 13 cards,
their pre-alerts and explanations are beyond reproach.
They give you complete information on the light overcalls,
feather light preempts, four card overcalls, etc. That
is, they explain their partnership and system agreements.
My suggestion to all of us Firesiders is that we use them
as the model for the appropriate set of ethics when
playing this game.
One of my first bridge mentors suggested that you
should always go out of your way to explain your
agreements and that the higher your level, the more you
should bend over backwards. I suggest that all of us
Firesiders adopt this motto. It will help the game of
bridge flourish.
============================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From December, 2003:
Thanks to Benson for this giggle:
*Rookie Landing*
As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight a
flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us
welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first
commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big
round of applause when we come to a stop."
The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two
or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the
passengers applauded.
Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for
flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know
which landing you liked best."
=========================================================
TREBLE'S TABLE TALK
====================
>From April, 2003:
The Third Man
In my many years of playing bridge, one of the conversations
I remember most vividly is one that I had after a game at a
club that I run on Wednesday evenings with a friend of mine.
He had been playing that afternoon at another club and was
involved in a director ruling that did not go in his favour.
A buddy of ours had stayed to help with the cleanup, and my
friend, who was quite incensed by what had happened in the
afternoon, was unburdening his soul to both of us. I didn't
say a whole lot, and my comments were limited to the facts of
the situation. At that point, our compatriot burst forth with
something quite remarkable and profound that really cut to the
heart of the matter on director calls. I wish somehow that I
could have recalled his comments word for word and put it on
tape, because it was so eloquent and superbly delivered that
it should be required listening for anyone that plays or
directs the game.
The gist of his message was "Do NOT make the director part of
your game!" This was not the first time that my co-manager
had come to me with a tale of woe about how the opponents did
something untoward and he'd felt that he'd been damaged but
was unable to get satisfaction from the director. He, like so
many other players, rather unconsciously got into the habit of
calling the director and using hir as a crutch rather than
simply just PLAYING THE GAME. Sure, there are times in which
you need to get a director to the table to sort out an
irregularity or some other problem, but in my experience, at
least half the director calls are totally unnecessary. The
same goes for the endless interrogation about the opponents'
bids that so many players seem to revel in.
There are several people in our locale that habitually call
the director to the table, and make a "routine" out of it,
just like having two cups of coffee a day. There is nothing
routine or pleasant about a director call, especially when you
are playing "live" bridge. It's a potential source of grief
for everyone at the table. It's very public in nature, and
everyone in the room will know that something is "going on".
For the pair that may have committed an irregularity that
generated the director call, it can be acutely embarrassing.
If they are relatively new players that are not familiar with
the hurly-burly of competitive duplicate bridge, it can be a
major turnoff. For the players that call the director, even
if the ruling goes in their favour, they may not really "win"
in the long run. If their manner was rude and disrespectful,
they will plummet in the estimation of both their opponents
and the director. And if they make liberal use of the
director call over a period of time, the only thing gained
will be a reputation that they are more interested in
achieving victory with the rulebook than with their skill and
wits at the bridge table.
I have a few suggestions for how to reduce the number of
director calls and be able to maintain a pleasant and friendly
atmosphere in the game.
1) The first one is very simple. One of my friends was once
playing in a game at Kate Buckman's Bridge Studio in Toronto
with the manager of the club, Barbara Seagram. The
tranquility was abruptly shattered by a loud bellow of
"DIIIREECTORRR!!". Now, how many times have those of you that
play live bridge heard the exact same thing over and over
again ringing in your ears? Barbara turned to the gentleman
that had made the call and quietly admonished, "I think what
you meant to say was 'Director, please." What a difference it
would make if everyone who felt the need to summon the
director did so in exactly those words and in an audible but
measured and level tone of voice! Now, instead of getting the
sense that a hanging offense has been committed, there has
merely been a slight disruption that the man/woman in charge
will quickly and easily straighten out.
2) Giving and asking for explanations. First, rather than use
the name of a convention in describing an alerted bid, give a
brief but clear explanation. For example, partner opens 2D
which you alert and say "Flannery" when queried about its
meaning. Now, MOST people will know what you are talking
about, but if you are playing against a pair of newcomers or
even rubber bridge players, they may just give you a blank
stare. The proper explanation is "Flannery: five hearts, four
spades and 11-15 points." Another one is 1NT by LHO, 2C by
partner, alerted by you. They ask, of course, and you blurt
out "Cappelletti". More confused expressions and then "What
is that?". It would have taken just a fraction longer to say
in the first place, "Cappelletti: ANY one-suited hand". You
should, therefore, give:
a) the explanation
b) the convention name AND explanation, but NOT
c) just the name of the convention
On the flip side, I've also seen frivolous questions slow the
tempo of the game and create potential unauthorized
information scenarios. Case in point: 1C opening by partner,
and RHO jumps in with an enquiry about the meaning of the bid.
Well, there was no alert, so that's three or more clubs, which
is basic SAYC, so there is NO reason at all to be posing that
question. Sometimes RHO has turned out to have length and
strength in clubs, making the enquiry a "leading" question
(pardon the pun) and somewhat unethical in nature. More
often, however, the question was quite innocent and random in
nature, as RHO had a balanced and nondescript hand. I
sometimes get the impression this happens because asking
questions about the opponents' bids is "the thing to do". It
most certainly is NOT. As my friend Len Doerksen, who is a
director, once said "bridge is a timed event", and these
fatuous enquiries about natural, unalerted bids just clutter
up the airwaves for no reason at all. In a Canadian National
Teams zone final last weekend, the opponents twice opened 1NT,
we overcalled in a suit, unalerted. So instead of the
bidder's LHO simply treating it as natural, the opponent asked
"what is that?". I mean, come on, this is simply a delay of
game. You bid out your hand, and if it turns out there was a
failure to alert, THEN you call the director.
That said, there are a few situations in which you might ask
if there's reason to suspect there has been a failure to
alert. Suppose the opponents are playing 2/1, which usually
incorporates a forcing 1NT response to a major suit opening.
It goes 1H on your left, pass by partner, 1NT on your right,
NOT announced by your LHO as forcing. In this case, it might
be in your interests to ask opener whether the 1NT response
was forcing or not.
3) Misinformation. First of all, I strongly feel that a pair
that constantly gives faulty explanations or forget about a
treatment that they are playing should consider trimming some
of the fat off their convention card. If you ARE playing a
sophisticated and complex bunch of gadgets, then you and
partner have an obligation to demonstrate a command and
mastery of your system. Dave McLellan and I play a very
intricate form of 2/1 with lots of artificial sequences that
we alert and properly explain. One of the things we put on
our convention card was to play 1C-2C as natural and 1C-2D as
Michaels. We have auctions that are WAY more complicated than
that, rhymed off precisely if we're asked about it. But in a
major competition I forgot our agreement on the 2D overcall
after 1C by the opponents not once, not twice, but THREE
times. And so that convention was quickly ditched. At the
club level, what I see happen fairly often is a pair using
something different to compete over a weak notrump opening
than they would over a strong notrump and a mixup happening,
usually because the overcaller bids without thinking first
about the range of the opponents' 1NT. And if I were
directing and had the same pair goof up on their interference
over 1NT consistently, I'd be suggesting they play the same
thing over both strong AND weak notrumps. It's fine to play
conventions and treatments, but if your memory cells can't
retain all the information, you should shed some of the excess
baggage and go onto the slim-fast convention card diet.
Another problem with misinformation situation arises when the
"non-offending" side (and I use the quotation marks for a
reason) calls the director because of an adverse result that
they suffered on the hand. Quite often, one of them makes a
bid that is extremely risky, if not downright silly, and then
comes whining to the director for redress, pleading that s(he)
would have never made that bid if the correct explanation was
provided. I am here to say right now that at least two-thirds
of players that use this argument are whistling through their
teeth and would have made the same bid regardless of what
explanation was given. My only advice here is that when you
find out that misinformation has occurred, did it REALLY
affect your bid or not, and to be honest with yourself. It's
all right to call the director on the misinformation, but when
s(he) asks if it affected your bridge, DON'T take the easy way
out and look for a cheap score adjustment when you know in
your heart of hearts that you would have bid the same way
regardless of the explanation. To do so simply does not serve
the interests of the game in the long run and more
importantly, you will become imbued with lazy bridge habits
and an unnerving tendency to disclaim responsibility for a bad
decision.
4) Hesitations. I've got two pieces of advice here. One I've
been exhorting my partners and students to do until I'm blue
in the face. That is to use the time the opponents are
spending to decide on their bids to anticipate the auction and
be ready with YOUR call in reasonable tempo when your turn
comes. The worst thing to do is take a siesta and go into
shutdown mode when you've made your bid and are waiting for it
to come back around. Say, for example, that you pick up:
S--AKxx H--xx D--AJ10x C--Kxx and open 1D in first seat.
LHO bids 1H and partner bids 1S. RHO pauses for a second and
you should now be thinking, WHAT am I going to do if he jumps
to 4H? Pass, double or bid 4S? If you are taking your nap at
RHO's turn to bid, you will now almost certainly hesitate when
the 4H bid IS made, and if you now pass or double after much
thought, you have just guaranteed a visit to your table by the
director if your partner bids on when it isn't clear-cut to do
so. If you anticipate the preemptive raise and do your
thinking on how to proceed on the opponents' time, then you'll
be in a much better position to make your call without any
noticeable hesitation and then partner will not be restrained
by unauthorized information (UI) in making hir decision. One
last suggestion, which Colin Ward (Kaltica) mentioned once.
Say on the hand above LHO DOES bid 4H and you go into a dither
because you just can't pull the trigger on an immediate
action. Once you are out of tempo, you should err on the side
of BIDDING, since a slow pass or double WILL leave partner
hamstrung, unable to do anything that isn't 100% obvious.
Now we veer over to the scenario where in your view one of
your opponents has gone into the tank and there may be a
problem brewing. Although you can wait until the end of the
hand to call the director, it is better to either beckon him
over at the time of the hesitation so that he can advise the
partner that s(he) has to act based on the values in hir hand
and not make a bid that might be suggested by the hesitation.
Another perfectly acceptable course is to say to the opponents
"It's agreed there was a hesitation?" and if they concur, play
out the hand and get the director at the end if you feel it's
necessary.
The next question is SHOULD you always call the director when
the opponents break tempo? I used to, but have revised my
practice somewhat. If I'm playing against an expert pair that
I respect, they can be depended upon not to use the UI gained
from a hesitation making their decision. Similarly, against
relative novices, THEY would not be prone to benefit from UI
for two reasons. First, they might not notice the hesitation
because of focusing on what on their own actions or simply
because they are to nervous to notice any of partner's
mannerisms. Second, even if they DID notice the hesitation,
they might not be able to interpret the true meaning of it in
the way a more experienced player could. So when I play
against experts or novices, I generally don't call on a
hesitation. Against other levels of players, in the interests
of maintaining the harmony of the game, I will NOT call on a
hesitation the first time it happens. I'll trust them to do
the right thing and not make a bid that is suggested by
partner's indecision. If it appears to me at the end of the
hand that in fact they HAVE taken advantage of the UI, I will
NOT call the director since I forfeited that right once I did
not call at the point of the hesitation. What I do THEN is to
file that pair in my memory cells and that if a break in tempo
situation arises with them in a future game, I WILL call the
director the next time out. To sum up, then, when a
hesitation occurs, my suggestion would be to NOT call when the
opponents are experts or novices, or when it's a pair that
you've never had a problem with before. When it's a repeat
break-in-tempo instance with a pair that DID in your view
benefit from the UI the last time it happened, THEN you should
start calling the director on them.
Anyway, those are my suggestions for improving the tempo and
spirit of our fine game and lightening the workload of our
third man (or woman), our fearless director. See you next
month.
========================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From April, 2003:
Thanks to MaxJ for this one:
WOMAN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items
the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her
wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil
thing I could do to him."
==========================================
LBROWN'S HOT SEAT
=================
>From April, 2000:
IN THE HOT SEAT...
When Sara and Janice approached me to write a column for the
Fireside Chat, I said to myself... oh no... talking about
bridge again?! Frankly, sometimes I just get sick and tired
of talking about bridge... yes... even Fireside commentators
get sick of talking about bridge! (Well, at least this one
does) So I came up with an alternative... report on the
PEOPLE at Fireside.
This month's FireSide Chat puts BOB (BOBOWEN) OWEN in the
HOT SEAT.
Bob was born in Coronado, California in 1932. He served 21
years in the U.S. Navy as an electronics specialist.
Responsible for aircraft electronics maintenance on the
carrier Intrepid, he also worked the first operational
cruise of the Enterprise during the Cuban Missile Crisis. He
retired in 1972 at the highest attainable rank for an
enlisted man, Master Chief.
As one might imagine, working those aircraft carriers
allowed Bob the opportunity to see much of this world.
I asked him what his favorite place was and he quickly
answered, "Copenhagen, Denmark." He was impressed with
the beautiful architecture and the friendliness of the
citizens. But given the chance to go anywhere in the world
that he hasn't yet visited, he would choose Monte Carlo.
Bob does "like to gamble, but just doesn't do it."
After the Navy, Bob went to work as a Chief Engineer in
the television industry. Living a short time in Roanoke,
Virginia, in 1973 Bob and his wife Betty moved to
Wilmington, North Carolina, where they currently reside.
Bob worked for an NBC affiliate in Wilmington for some
years before again retiring.
In the early 1950s, Bob met Betty at the USO in Washington,
DC. The years have blessed them with six wonderful children
(four boys and two girls) and five grandchildren. Two
children followed in Bob's footsteps and served in the
Navy -- one of his sons just retired, and one of his
daughters graduated from the Naval Academy. Putting Bob on
the spot, I asked him if he was a "good husband" who
remembers the date he married. He replied, "March 9 -- I
think. I'm terrible with dates. I gave Betty a charm
bracelet for one of our anniversaries, it had six charms,
each with the name and birthdate of our children... but I
got two of the dates wrong!" (He quickly rectified his
mistake)
Of course, a column in a bridge newsletter would not be
complete without asking how the "bridge bug bit." Bob said
he learned the game when he was 15 -- playing duplicate
occasionally -- but was turned off by players' attitudes.
Bridge was at the height of popularity at that time, and Bob
found that the experienced players were quite disdainful of
beginners. He enjoys playing duplicate now with his regular
partner in Wilmington, and has found the atmosphere quite
changed from all those years ago.
Bob has been a member of OKBridge for two years now,
volunteering with FireSide as a Table Manager, and also with
the Fifth Chair organization nearly all of these two years.
He is quite serious about improving his game, traveling to
the Las Vegas regional and the Boston Nationals to play with
fellow OKBridge players. He enjoys reading about the game,
with his current favorite book being "Losing Trick Count by
Ron Klinger". His favorite partners on OKBridge are LBrown
(I paid him to say that) and IngridH.
Outside of bridge, Bob fills his days with teaching
computers to senior citizens at the local center. He also is
quite devoted to creating family photo albums on CDs to
present as gifts to his children and other family members.
He enjoys all kinds of music, but Gilbert & Sullivan
operettas are his particular favorite. When asked what his
favorite food is, Bob speedily answered, "Stuff I can't have
anymore." But when pressed, he confesses to having a
weakness for Applebee's Chocolate Cake.
It's these little confessions that he shares that make Bob a
special person for me to know. I hope you all enjoyed
getting to know him, too.
======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From August, 2002:
Thanks again to Mindy for this giggle:
I am passing this on to you - It is definitely working for me. I
think I have found inner peace. I read an article that said the
way to achieve inner peace is to finish things I had started.
Today I finished two bags of potato chips, a chocolate pie, a
bottle of wine and a small box of chocolate candy. I feel better
already. Pass this along to those who need Inner Peace
=======================================================
GUIDO'S REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF
===============================
>From August, 2002:
Strong Weak 2's or Weak Strong 2's
or is it Intermediate 2's?
Every system has "holes" and weak spots. The current 5-card
majors strong 2/1 style (not just 2/1 game forcing, but SAYC type
systems also) has them. Even my beloved Blue Team and Roman have
weak spots - ok, settle down, please do not ALL write to me
saying "ya, the weak spot is YOU."
One of the weak spots in standard 5-card majors is the simple
rebid of the suit after responder makes a simple two-over-one
response. The worst sequence is 1H-2D;2H. What does the 2H rebid
tell responder? Not much; simply that opener can not make a
stronger bid. He might have a good hand, but a suit too weak to
jump (AQx-K76543-AQx-A). There are umpteen other possibilities.
The point is that the rebid of 2 of his original suit covers a
huge range of hands. Anything you can do to narrow the range of
bids will help your constructive bidding.
One way to do this is to slightly strengthen your weak two bids.
(Well, if you open weak two's in the Tuna fashion, you would have
to strengthen them quite a bit.) Here's the idea:
2H or 2S openings show something like 10-14 high card points; a
one-suited hand with a decent six card suit. If you tend to open
one-bids light, you might make the two-bids 9-13.
Responses are simple. A new suit is natural and forcing. 2NT asks
opener to show a singleton. Raises are preemptive.
You will note that this bid also adds definition to 1M-1N; 2M.
This has to show a good hand, because with a minimum opening bid,
you would have opened two of the major.
You give up harassing style weak twos. You still get to open most
"classic" weak twos. You add definition to two very common
sequences. Your two bids mean the same in all seats (Harassing
weak twos make no sense in fourth chair). No fancy conventions
are used. Life is simple; life is beautiful.
Just to drive the editors completely crazy (it's my job, you
know), you can still maintain the use of your harassing style
weak twos by playing mini-multi 2D. This bid shows a weak 2 in
a major. The structure would look like:
2C: strong, artificial, forcing
2D: 4-8 or 5-9 hcp, weak 2H bid OR weak 2S bid
2H/2S: 9-13 or 10-14 hcp, good 6 card suit; 1-suited.
If anyone is interested, I can write up a simple response/rebid
structure for the 2D opening. All this is by way of an aside,
though, for those who can't give up opening hands like
QJxxxx-x-Kxx-xxx at the two level. The simple structure works
great without this refinement. You can use 2D the same way or as
Flannery (don't like it, but it is legal) or any other way that
brings joy to your soul and a song to your heart.
For any history buffs out there, the first write up of this
type of intermediate two was by an Englishman named Monk in
the Bridge Journal published in 1964. Benito Garozzo used a
similar structure for many years. The bid has found it's way
into quite a few other systems, also.
OK, folks, after this journey to the twilight zone, the other
columns will return you to reality.
=================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From March, 2003:
Thanks to PKV for this giggle:
THE ULTIMATE RESPONSE TO A DEAR JOHN LETTER:
An Army Ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he
was stationed there he received a letter from his
girlfriend. In the letter she wrote that she had slept
with two guys while he has been gone, she wanted to
break up and requested that he send back her picture.
The soldier did what any squared away soldier would do.
He went around to all his buddies and collected all the
unwanted photographs of women. He then mailed about
twenty five of the pictures to his girlfriend with the
following note: "I'm sorry I can't remember which one
you are, but please take the one that belongs to you
and send the rest back."
======================================================
Just Jill
=========
>From July, 2002:
Some Things Stick
=================
The more I learn, the less I know,
The more I goof, the more I grow;
And sometimes it can take a brick
To cause the simple things to stick!
I love to learn, I love to play,
I love to win, and that's OK...
While learning to defend is fun,
It's also fun to say "We won!"
To win or lose is not the point,
But many losses disappoint;
And it can be an awful bore
When every game's a minus score!
But through it all, there's much to glean,
And I am human--not machine,
And what comes nat'rally to some
Can sometimes make my brain go numb!
I've heard it once, I've heard it twice,
Sometimes verbose, sometimes concise,
But when it fin'lly dawns on me,
It might be introduction THREE!
The "double" call still puzzles me...
For "take-out" versus "penalty"...
I write things down, I try to learn,
But then I panic at my turn!
One gem I've kept (dug up from mud):
That NT doubles all mean "blood";
Another gem I can recall:
You need FIVE cards to overcall!
The more I play, the more I get,
And certainly, I'm not "there" yet,
But I feel great when something sticks
Worth adding to my "bag of 'tricks'"!
(c)Copyright 2002 by Jill Wilson
===============================================
GIGGLE BREAK
>From July, 2002:
Thanks to Luc :)
A Nursery School Teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the
front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him
to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another,
"he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the
dogs," She said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
================================================
SPECIAL TREATS
==============
(From April 2004)
Thanks to Paul (POTTS) DuBois for this wonderful
article about playing in OKb tourneys :-)
How to Play in OKB mini tournaments by "Potts"
Ever thought about playing in an OKB mini tournament? If
you're new to OKB, or a novice or intermediate, you probably
haven't even considered it. Surprisingly, mini tournaments are
a lot of fun and surprisingly there is less pressure to play
well than at ranked Lehman tables. This article will tell you
how to play in a mini and I hope answer most of your
questions.
As an OKB newcomer I was quite frightened by the environment.
I had no idea what level of play corresponded to given Lehman
rankings, and when I played a few hands with other people near
my starting value of 50 they became quite angry and rude. "You
have no clue!" wrote one partner as he left the table
abruptly.
On the other hand there were few unranked tables, and many of
those tables didn't want me either. The only other venue was
the mini-tournaments, but that seemed completely out of reach.
I didn't have a partner and assumed (wrongly) that people
would be even more angry if I helped them lose a tournament.
(As it turns out, I'm pretty good at doing that.)
I was on the verge of giving up when I found Firesides.
(Firesides has everything you need except its own ranking
system, which it needs and which I hereby invent: paper,
sliver, wood chip, stick, branch, chemical log, pine log,
eucalyptus log, chestnut log, maple log, oak log, walnut log,
redwood log, and mahogany log = Colin.) After I had been
attending Firesides for a while Sara (believer) invited me to
play a mini with her and I saw that it was easy to do, gave me
a chance to play with really good players, and had much less
pressure than playing in ranked games.
Finding a Partner
OKB tells you to go to 'tourpard' to ask for a partner, but I
suggest you just ask other Firesides people. For your first
experience ask someone to play with you who has done it
before.
Results of tournaments have NO effect on your or your
partner's Lehman ranking. So your partner is going to be much
more relaxed, assuming that he or she is not psycho. And
you'll find you are too, at least after you have a few minis
under your belt.
Picking a Mini
The schedule for the minis is on the members home page at
www.okbridge.com, in the lower right corner. There are two
kinds: mini-mp and mini-imp. The only difference is scoring:
MPs at mini-mp and IMPs at mini-imp (yo, duh). If you don't
know the difference there is an explanation in the OKB
reference materials at
http://www.okbridge.com/membersclub/reference/scoring.php3.
But the short version is that MP favors good card players and
IMPS favors good bidders.
You'll need to figure on a time of a little more than an hour.
You will be playing 12 hands in all. You can in fact be a
little late but leaving early is not done.
Once you and your partner have decided on a tourney, wait
until five minutes or so before the scheduled time and see if
the table (named mini-mp or mini-imp) has been opened. Once it
is open, join that table. For example, type in your chat
window:
/join mini-mp
Once your partner has joined as well, you have to let OKB know
you are partners. Let's suppose you are playing with me,
potts:
/partner potts
Your partner will get a dialog box and click 'OK' to accept
you.
Now is a good time to chat about your conventions. You don't
have to have a convention card if you are playing SAYC or 2/1.
Non-SAYC players just have to alert and explain non-SAYC bids.
Now everything happens automatically. Suddenly you will see a
stream of messages about people leaving the table (the mini-mp
table in our example) and you will find yourself at a new
table with some opponents. You will play two hands with these
people and after they crush you like a bug you will be
automatically moved to a new table with new opponents. After
the sixth set of two hands, everyone will disappear. We'll get
to what to do then later.
Greeting the Victors
Before the opps can crush you like a bug, they need to know
what system you are playing. So tell them:
"Hi opps, sayc / std here."
meaning "We're bidding SAYC and using standard carding", or
"Hi opps, sayc + Capp, o/e discards"
Some opps want an explicit statement of your carding.
Sometimes I admit I don't know what I'm doing:
"Hi, sayc / std here but inexperienced so mistakes likely"
This causes the better players to salivate and overbid.
Playing
You bid and play normally. The only big differences are:
a. If you claim, be sure to explain you are going to draw
trump or are counting on a known finesse. Some of these people
are lawyers. When in doubt just play on until it is clear.
b. Do not make any congratulatory remarks to your partner, not
even a 'wdp'. Sensitive world-class egos can work themselves
into a snit if you say 'vwdp' when in fact it was their stupid
mistake that made the difference. Can I explain to you why
these few people care so much about an event that occurs many
times a day and has no prizes? Well, it says in the Canterbury
Tales that there are Seven Deadly Sins and of these the Queen
is Pride.
Time Limits
The changes to new opponents occur on a schedule. If you are
finished with your two hands before the next 'round' begins,
you'll get a message that says something like, "The next round
will begin in one minute." If you are still playing as this
time approaches, various encouraging and finally threatening
messages will occur. While scary, in fact the worst thing that
can happen is that you will end up missing a hand at some
point, or the Director will come to your table and express
disappointment.
Sometimes you are ready but other people aren't. You may sit
at your new table waiting for your next victims, but the
system is quite good at keeping you informed. These times when
there are no opps present give you a chance to make rude
remarks about the previous ones. In contrast, if you are
waiting for the end of the round, your opps are still there
and can hear you so exercise discretion in your discussions.
It is customary to thank them and wish them luck if you have
time.
Scoring
You'll notice that you get no immediate feedback on how you
did. Eventually, when everyone is done with a round, the
scoreboard on the table will show you your current cumulative
average. For example, if on the first two hands at IMPS we got
+4.0 and then -2.0, it will say "We 1.00". That is the sum of
our scores divided by the number of hands we have played. If
in the second round we score two 0.00 hands, it will now say
"0.50". The fact that this is an average means that it tends
to change TOWARD zero if you got a neutral result. If you were
at -6.00, and later it says -1.00, you may have not in fact
done anything good, other than not doing anything bad again.
Finishing Up
As you play hand #12, it is customary to thank your partner,
because when the hand ends you will find yourself back in the
Lobby. I usually contact partner again to say thanks. The
tourney ends with a whimper, not a bang.
Getting the Results
The results will be emailed to you when they are available,
usually within 30 minutes of the end of the tournament. They
are also available at the OKB website under 'Tournaments' and
then 'Tournament Results'. Find the time of your mini and
click on a format. The text format is the best but the Java
one can replay a movie of the hands for you.
Using the email you will see your results and for each hand a
resume and list of other results. If you want to see how other
people bid and played you'll have to use the website results.
If the hands don't line up nicely in your email reader save
the message as text and use an editor such as Notebook to read
it.
Pond Points
There is a fun system of points to be won called Pond Points.
You start off as Pond Scum and try to win points until you are
a Tuna. Only the website text results format shows who won
points. There is also a 'view my pond points' link that will
show you the correct total some days later.
Flights
On the OKB member home page, there is always your 'profile'
displayed near the top. One link in that profile allows you to
change your tournament flight. The intent is that weaker
players can still win pond points when they beat other weaker
players in their 'flight'. The flights are A (best), B, and C
(me). I mean literally me: amuse and I seem to be the only C
pair in existence, so we always come in first and get .05 Pond
Points.
Combos
Some of the tournaments are two tournaments in a row marked
"Combos". This has no effect except that there is a separate
email and pond points for those who played in both with the
same partner. That in effect makes a 24-board tournament for
those who do so. But you can play in either half without
playing in the other; you just won't be in the combo results.
Director Calls
You'll probably never need to call the Director. You do it by
sending a message to the Director. You can read all about this
on the tournament rules page. I never bother. If someone calls
the Director on you just do what the Director says to do and
forget about it. The Director can 'cancel' a board and you may
find you have been given a score that says "AVG +" rather than
the one you really got.
Disappearing
If you lose your connection or something is wrong do not leave
your seat. That sets off some sort of alarm. Instead, log off,
come back as fast as you can, and join the tourney table
again. You will automagically land up where you belong again.
If someone else disappears and doesn't come back fairly
quickly the Director knows about it already. Sit tight and
wait for help to arrive.
How Opps Are Chosen
Your first round opps are chosen at random. After that,
especially among those finished on time, you get matched with
others with scores like yours. This means that your second
round opps will be other crushees like yourself. If, however,
as happened to me once, your first three rounds are against
The Three Stooges, the fourth round opps will NOT say "Hi,
SAYC / std".
They will say something closer to, "Precision double fudge
Stolen Kisses with Inexplicable Discards" and they will post a
98-page convention card. Next to their name it will say "World
Class Expert", "Double Platinum Record", or something like
that. Coooool. This person wouldn't even speak to you before
and now you hold their life in your hands. Psyche. No wait,
you don't need to. They will be trying to make sense out of
what you bid and play and they will have smoke coming out of
their ears like a Star Trek computer that lost a bet with
Captain Kirk. And if you should happen to whack them for 10
IMPS, as I did one golden day, you'll know why minis are
addictive.
======================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
From April 2004
Thanks to Wheels for this giggle:
Maxine
1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone
in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making
gestures."
2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my
buns."
3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It
gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as
possible."
4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn
is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and
shirtless."
5. Maxine on "Body Piercing" - "I'd get my nipple pierced, but
I'd be afraid I'd trip over it."
6. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy
who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I
want, then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster,
charged up and ready when needed."
7. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really
improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a
paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."
8. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of
rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
9. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of
salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a
large margarita."
=============================================================
Fireside Chat Issues
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