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Fireside Chat
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FIRESIDE CHAT AUGUST 2004
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Welcome and Announcements
Believer's FireSide Kindling
Question and Answer
Bidding with Bridgboy
Guido's Really Important Stuff
Hand of the Month
Dealing With Dann
Bridge For the Club Player
Moogal's FireSide Log
Special Treat
Treble's Table Talk
And Finally Kaltica
=======================================
WELCOME AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
Hi all!
Welcome to the August, 2004 issue of FireSide
Chat, our monthly newsletter written for and about
our FireSide friends and events.
We hope you enjoy all of this month's articles and
features. Please feel free to write to us with any
comments, questions, ideas, or whatever, that you may
wish to share. This newsletter is for and about you,
and we want you to feel welcome to participate. Just
email Believer at sarastobbe@aol.com or Moogal
at moocake@bellsouth.net.
A special thanks to all of you who have been sending
us contributions for our "giggle breaks". We appreciate
everything you send, and use as many as we can. Keep
'em coming, please! :-)
You can find current and past issues of this "FireSide
Chat" newsletter posted at our FireSide web site:
http://www.firesides.net/thechat.htm
If, for any reason, you do not wish to receive
these mailings, please write to Believer at
sarastobbe@aol.com to be removed from our mailing
list.
===========================================
CURRENT FIRESIDE SCHEDULE
Day Pacific Time Commentator
MON 11:00 A.M. POOKA
MON 5:00 P.M.* BRIDGBOY
TUE 11:00 A.M. BRIDGBOY
TUE 5:30 P.M. WINTAKA
WED 11:00 A.M. FREDW3
WED 5:30 P.M. DIANEW
THU 11:00 A.M. POOKA
THU 5:30 P.M. WISHTRIK/FIFEE
FRI 11:00 A.M. BLUEBEE
FRI 5:30 P.M. KALTICA
Commentators may change without notice,
according to their availability.
(*starts 1/2 hour earlier on Monday night)
*******************
Although there is no set fee for participating in
these "open to all" sessions, please note that FireSide
Bidding Practice Sessions operate with the support of
those in attendance. For information about how to
become a supporting member, please contact Kaltica at
kaltica@mts.net, Moogal at moocake@bellsouth.net,
or Believer at sarastobbe@aol.com.
Thanks to all of you for supporting the FireSide sessions
in all the many different ways you have of doing so.
We want to thank our commentators for their dedication
and caring. Please, think of them when you are thinking
of taking private lessons, paying a professional to play
tourneys with you, getting involved in a group session
mentoring program... most, if not all, of our commentators
and contributors to this newsletter are available for those
services. Just think how much easier it is to learn
from someone who's already a friend!
*******************
All articles herein (c) 2004 by FireSide Chat.
All rights reserved.
===============================================
BELIEVER'S FIRESIDE KINDLING
============================
Hi :-)
Our book drawing this month --
First, last month's book, "Card Play Techniques" by Mollo
and Gardener, was donated by the winner for a redrawing,
so we drew again for that one.
The winner is: BRinker! Congratulations, Betty :-)
This month's book is "How to Play a Bridge Hand" by William
S. Root.
The winner of that book is: Nancor! Congratulations, Nancy :-)
Both of you just email me with your home addresses, and we'll
get those books in the mail as soon as possible.
Next month our book will be "How to Read Your Opponents Cards"
by Mike Lawrence. Be sure to get those checks in to me or
Colin, or go to the website to use your MasterCard or Visa.
We now take PayPal too. Just go to
http://www.firesides.net/support.htm, to send your support
EITHER by using the PayPal link there, OR you can just enter
your credit card information on that page and we will bill
your card directly if you prefer.
Hope you enjoy our newsletter this month. All of our columns
are great, as usual! I'm particularly excited about Special
Treats this month -- a great piece by one of 'our own' --
check it out! :-) And a fun collaboration on face-to-face
bridge in Guido's column -- teamwork :-)
Kaltica will hold an OKscript seminar Sunday morning, Aug 1,
at 8:30 AM OKb time. Be sure to get the details in Moogal's
column if you want to attend.
Be sure to watch for the Novice/Mentor tourney again this month.
It will be held on Thursday, Aug 12, at 6pm, OKb time. We had
a pretty nice turnout last month, but there's always room for
more! Hope to see you there :-)
********************
You can write to Believer (Sara Stobbe) at:
sarastobbe@aol.com
===============================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Pringle for this giggle:
I hope you remember Abbott and Costello - Updated "Who's on
First? Lou Costello Tries to Buy a Computer from Bud Abbott
ABBOTT (behind the counter at: Super Duper computer store):
Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm
thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the
windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have
you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK,
lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a
my proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start
with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch
movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is
none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2. 3 &
4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO; OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1."
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words
left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't
even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping, you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off??
ABBOTT: Click on "START".........
===============================================================
QUESTION AND ANSWER
===================
This month we asked the question:
When you have a good hand, and the opponents jump in and try
to mess up your bidding or steal the hand, how do you know
when to double them for penalty, and when you should keep
bidding, not letting them deter you from game or slam?
We got the following response from Dann (POOKA) Kramer:
Ok, as to the delicate question of whether to bid on or punish
the opponent, there are a few things to consider - other than
the hand! Vulnerability - if the opps are vul and we are not,
then consider defense. How are partner and I defending today?
If we can't defend our way out of a wet paper sack, don't
double opps until they're in the stratosphere! What kind of
opps are they? Yes, play the opps - if we know they love to
preempt, penalty doubles are a good thing. Even if we get one
wrong now and again, we plant the idea of "These folks double
me!" in the mind of the former random preemptor. So treat it
as an investment in future auctions (that they might stay out
of).
As a reference point, Belladonna says in the forward to the
"Blue Club" book, "Get to where you are going before you
double your opponents." (ie: If we were planning on going to
game - don't double until opps are past our game!)
This is a tricky area, and all players have to get practice
bidding under pressure before they can mostly get the
decisions right - so live and learn. Hopefully, this answer
session will cut down your learning curve!
Dann
================================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Luc for these:
Truisms
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep
water.
Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very
exciting youth.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of
the dark to become a teen-ager who wants to stay out all
night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate
how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than
everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy
a car.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number
at 4AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this..... No one ever says "It's only a game" when
their team is winning.
How come we choose from just two people for president and 50
for Miss America?
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag
his tail.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough
to make them all yourself.
One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to
work so hard the boss will think he's after his job.
A backyard barbecue draws two things....flies and relatives.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts
tomorrow.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have
any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
I've reached the age where the 'Happy Hour' is a nap
================================================================
BIDDING WITH BRIDGBOY
=====================
When you are playing with a partner you trust, you can develop
many logical conclusions from the auction. Let me give you an
auction that will make this clearer.
Partner opens 1D, and the auction continues:
Partner RHO You LHO
1D 1S P 4S
6C P P 6S
X P ?
What does partner have for all his bidding? Here is your
hand:
S VOID
H A432
D 542
C 107432
and you have to guess what to do.
You don't have much, but what does partner have?
The first thing I know, he is not bidding expecting to go
down, so not expecting any help from you in terms of high
cards is obvious. He can not be off two cashing aces nor 2
quick losers in any suit. So two hands become possible:
S X
H VOID
D AKQxxx
C AKQxxx
OR
S VOID
H Kx
D AKQxxx
C AKQJx
Both of these hands are possible for a 1D open with a 6C
rebid. All he wants is for partner to take a preference,
please.
Now back to our original question. We have an unexpected ace
of hearts that partner can not be counting on, and he also has
to have control of that suit Also, he must have some control
of spades, but so do we!! I count no losers -- we have first
round control of both majors and our partner's key suits have
to be solid. Nothing should please us more than to pull that
double and bid a proud 7C!! I can almost claim before the lead
is made!
By the way, his hand, for the record, was:
S X
H VOID
D AKQxxx
C AKxxxx
So anytime your reliable partner does something strange, give
it a moments thought as to what he logically must have to make
that bid and you will "see" his unseen hand!
********************
You can find Bridgboy (Bob Lavin) doing his FireSide
sessions on Monday evenings at 5:00 p.m., and Tuesdays
at 11:00 a.m. OKbridge time.
Anyone interested in one-on-one lessons on any topic of
the game may contact Bob at bridgboy@charter.net
==============================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
An old favorite -- I like to rerun it every so often :)
A woman was applying for a job as a maid.
When asked why she left her last place of employment,
she replied:
"They paid good wages but is was the most ridiculous place
I ever worked. They played a game called BRIDGE, and on my
last night there was a lot of folks there.
"As I was about to bring in the refreshments I heard a
man say 'lay down and let's see what you got.' The other
man replied, 'I got strength but not length.' "Another man
said to a lady, 'Take your hand off my tricks!'
"I pretty near dropped dead!
"Just then the lady answered, 'You forced me -- you jumped
me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise.'
"Another woman was talking about 'protecting her honour.'
"Well, I just got my coat and hat. As I was leaving, one
of them said: 'Well, I guess we'll go home, this is the
last rubber!'"
===========================================================
GUIDO'S REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF
==============================
(Paul (GUIDO) Friedman, Ian (IAN) Wilson, and Jill (JUSTJILL)
Wilson teamed up this month to share with us some of their
experiences playing face-to-face bridge.)
Face-to-Face Bridge -- Guido
There are some differences between playing on OKBridge and
playing "live" bridge at a club or in a tournament. For those
of you thinking about giving live bridge a try for the first
time, here are some pointers.
1. Don't play in your underwear. Well, wearing underwear is a
good thing, but wear street clothes over your undies. Most
players were casual dress; jeans, tees, etc.
2. Partner alerts your calls; you alert your partner's calls.
Every sponsoring organization has its own alerting rules. If
you play in North America, you will most likely be subject to
the ACBL's rules. They make no sense, whatsoever, but they are
the rules. Some calls require pre-alerts (you probably won't
have to worry about these), some require an announcement and
some require an alert. Make sense? Of course not. Check out
the ACBL's web site for gory details. A (overly) simplified
guide is as follows:
When your partner opens 1NT, you immediately say "15-17" or
whatever your point range happens to be. If you open 1NT, the
next player passes, and your partner bids 2D or 2H as a
transfer, you say "Transfer." These are called announcements.
When your partner makes a call that is defined as alertable by
the ACBL, you flick the Alert card (more on the bidding
mechanisms later) and say "Alert."
You have the right to ask what a bid, call, or defensive play
signifies, but only when it is your turn to call or play. You
have this right whether or not there was an alert.
3. Convention card. Each player is required to have a
completed convention card. It must be exactly the same as your
partner's. Even if you play straight SAYC, you still have to
fill out the convention card. You have the right to look at
your opponents' card when it is your turn to bid or play or
before a hand is started.
4. Player and board movement. In tournament pairs play, there
will be a Mitchell movement. Basically, after each round, the
boards are moved one table lower and the East-West players
move one table higher. The North-South pairs do not move. If
the section has an even number of tables then half way through
there will be a skip round - boards are moved normally but the
East-West players skip over one table. For movement purposes,
the highest numbered table is considered a lower number than
Table 1. For example, in a 14-table section, the boards are
moved from Table 1 to 14 and the East-West players at table 14
move to Table 1.
Most of the time, in pairs games at tournaments, the hands
will be made by the players from computer print-outs.
You will have several boards holding the cards on the table,
with the print-outs of the hands. The players will "make"
the hands, putting the cards in order according to each print-
out, matching them to the boards, then returning them to the
boards. After they are made, they are moved one or two
tables lower.
There are instructions given by the directors for all these
movements and there will be a Table Card under the boards in
the center of the table. This will tell the East-West players
where to move to for the next round.
At a club, you might run into a Howell movement. The Table
Card will tell you the board and pair movements.
North is responsible for moving the boards. If you are East-
West, don't touch the boards - some Norths get upset.
5. Bidding. You will have a bidding box. It consists of
holder, a card for each possible bid plus several pass, double
and redouble cards. It will also contain an Alert card, a Stop
card, and a Director card.
When it is your turn to bid, grab the card you want and place
it in front of you. At your next turn to bid, grab the card
for that bid and place it in front of you. Overlap the cards
but keep them in order and keep them all visible (so that
everyone call see that you passed the first, bid 2S the second
time and doubled the third time, for example.
When bidding (as opposed to doubling or passing), by far the
easiest way to do this is to grab all the cards for lower bids
up to and including the bid you are making. This also makes it
easier to put the cards back after the bidding is over. Once
the bidding is over and you have returned your bidding cards
to the holder, you are NOT allowed to ask for a review of the
bidding.
Please note that it is a bad idea to fiddle with the bidding
cards. First decide what you are going to bid and then grab
the card.
6. The opening lead is made face down. After this, third hand
can ask for an explanation of any call. If opening leader has
a question on the bidding, this should be done before the
lead is made. After the explanation, if one is requested,
the lead is turned over and play starts. If third hand has no
questions, he simple says "no questions" and the lead is
turned over.
7. Declarer can ask for a explanation of carding and lead
agreements at any time. Note that these have to be listed on
the convention card, but declarer can still ask. I tend to ask
and THEN look at the convention card just in case there is
something interesting there.
8. Director calls. When there is an irregularity or a possible
irregularity, the director is summoned. In theory, this is
done by waving the Director card. In practice, that is a waste
of time. Simply yelling "DIRECTOR!" works much better. Calling
the director is not accusing your opponents of cheating or
being nasty human beings. It is a Law, that if there is an
irregularity, the director should be called. Players are NOT
allowed to make rulings for themselves.
Whoever calls the director then explains to that worthy what
has happened. The director will then often ask the opponents
if they agree as to the facts. Once the facts are determined,
the ruling will be made. Do NOT argue with the ruling. You
have the right to appeal the ruling, but that is different
than arguing.
If you think there is a problem, call the director. It is
quite simple.
Note that as a new player, you might well have a director
called because you or your partner hesitated before making a
call or defensive play. This would be a good topic for an
article in itself, but for now, let me just say that when you
"break tempo" you give partner information to which he is not
entitled. If this information MIGHT cause him to play or bid
differently (note, please, that no one is saying he did in
fact act differently), there might be a penalty against your
side.
9. At table behavior. When a hand is being bid or played,
there should be no conversation, making of faces or any other
communication. The only exceptions are basic courtesy (dummy
says "good luck after spreading the dummy and declarer says
"thank you" and dummy has the right to ask partner if he
revoked ("no spades, partner?"). Beyond that, there should be
no conversation. This is particularly true for dummy - who
should remain dumb.
10. Walking around. Remember that hands you will play in
future rounds are being played at other tables. So, no walking
around. If you need to make a restroom or coffee run, do so in
a way that avoids the possibility of seeing other hands in
play.
********************
Face-to-Face Bridge -- Ian
Claims. If you are declarer, and you are ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN
that you know what you are doing, you can "claim". To do this,
wait until you have the lead. Then state a line of play and
the number of tricks that you are claiming. For example:
"drawing the last trump. Clubs are good. Making 4." You then
show your hand. At this point, play ceases. If all active
players (dummy is still mute) accept the claim, put the cards
away and score up the hand. If these is *any* dispute, call
the director - things can get very complicated quickly. If an
opponent is having trouble understanding your line, it is
incumbent on you to explain it slowly and politely.
If you are a defender, and declarer claims, listen carefully
to what is said. It should include a line of play and the
number of tricks being claimed. If the stated plan omits a
detail that you think is relevant, call the director! For
example, if declarer claims without saying anything about
drawing trumps, and you have a trump in your hand, you should
call the director. Once the claim has been made, declarer is
not allowed to do things like pull a 'safety' round of trump
if that was not stated in the initial plan.
You may get the impression reading the above that I think that
claiming is a bad idea. You would be correct - it's often best
to play a hand out to the end even if your opponents are
glaring at you and are halfway to the next table before the
last card hits the table! By all means claim if you can state
your line of play very simply and it would clearly be wasting
everyone's time to play out the last 7 winning trumps. But
don't claim if there's "work" to be done. Just because that
finesse into AQJ worked once doesn't mean it's going to work a
second time...
Oh, and one final thing: 'dummy claims' are an abomination.
You know, where dummy starts writing down the score while the
rest of you have 6 cards to play. Or, even worse, when dummy
says "well done partner" before the end of the hand. This can
convey information to which declarer has absolutely no right.
Dummy is mute except to draw your attention to your attempts
to lead from the wrong hand, and to ask "no diamonds,
partner?" when you show out on the first round after opening
1NT.
********************
Face-to-Face Bridge -- JustJill
Dress code. I don't mind being told that I can't play in my
underwear (guido). Actually, there is no real dress code,
other than to be dressed. Slovenly is fine: I saw this "style"
everywhere and followed it like a religion. My favorite dress
code is to wear a T-shirt to match my partner's. And when four
of us are playing as a team, I love it when all four can wear
matching T-shirts (ian).
Personal hygiene. For those of you who don't bathe prior to
sitting down for a spot of online bridge, I suggest you change
this particular habit when thinking to sit down at a real
table with real people. It's very distracting when someone at
the table is in dire need of a wash. Distractions are not a
good thing (for me) when trying to bid or play.
Some do actually bathe prior to sitting down at the real
table, but unfortunately for me, they are bathing in scented
perfumes, colognes, body lotions, deodorants, etc. I happen to
be allergic. I never thought that sitting at a bridge table
would be particularly problematic for me, so I found myself
VERY uncomfortable when faced with this problem for the first
time at my very first tournament EVER. The opponent was
saturated in some breath-taking scent (I know, because it took
my breath away completely!) and I didn't know what to do. Not
wanting to offend and not wanting to break any rules, I stuck
my nose down my shirt, finished the boards before us (bidding
and playing for speed rather than for strategy or to win), and
bolted from the table as soon as the last card went down. I
ran into the hallway for some "air" and to cough up whatever
was blocking my inhale pipes. I went to the bathroom to scrub
my hands and face. It was not an experience I wanted to repeat
any time soon.
I was told that when faced with such a challenge in the
future, it is fine to step away from the table without saying
a word (who can inhale to speak in the face of all that
anyway?) and to call the director, or to have my partner call
the director on my behalf. In my case, the first time I had an
opportunity to do this, I had the great fortune of being
Guido's partner. He is SUCH a gentleman. I felt very
comfortable stepping away from the table (far enough so as to
permit me to get some air) while HE called the director on my
behalf. The director was very sweet and found someone else to
sit in for me. I felt grateful for having the immediate option
of breathing (rather than feeling like I had to sit there and
suffer through some number of boards).
These uncomfortable incidents helped me to learn a lesson so
that when I appeared at my first club game, I knew to come
armed with my filtering face mask, just in case. I loved the
looks it got and the inane questions that followed. People
just can't help but be curious, I guess. With Guido as my
partner, once again, I was treated to the perfect response
to the query, "Why are you wearing that thing?" "Cherished
opponents, my partner must wear a face mask because otherwise
her incredible beauty would be far too distracting to you,
and that would not be fair." Don't you just love that??
Logistics: I found the bidding box a bit daunting at first. I
was told, very politely at one table, that I needed to decide
what my bid was before even reaching for the bidding box.
Otherwise, the opponents and my partner would all be privy to
the fact that I was dithering between one and another bid.
Online, I can click all over the bidding box before clicking
OK, and no one is the wiser! There's also NO risk of making an
insufficient bid online, whereas that risk is definitely there
when using a bidding box at the real table.
Score-keeping is another mind-bender: Online it's done for
me/us automatically; at the real table, I have to remember how
to calculate the score, including all those "extras" like
who's vulnerable, was the contract doubled, etc. It's actually
written on the back of each card in the bidding box, but it's
always been beyond me to figure out how to decode and decipher
those tables. I'm undoubtedly overwhelmed enough as it is.
Meeting new people (or new to me anyway). At the tournament, I
found myself face to face with someone whose name was very
familiar to me (because of all the stories I'd heard from my
husband), but whom I'd never met. "Oh, you're Ian's wife!" At
a club game, one lady found out that I was Ian's wife, asked
how long we'd been married, and informed me that she'd known
my husband for "a lot longer than that."
Using the facilities. When playing online, I can be more
relaxed about when I need to take those "facilities breaks."
Playing face-to-face bridge, I have to plan more carefully.
Having been referred to by people in the medical industry as a
"well-hydrated" person (and I do drink water all the time), I
find that I have to plan for having to sit at the table for
some number of boards. This can mean rationing my water intake
carefully so as not to be putting myself in a potentially very
awkward situation.
Level of energy. I find that playing face-to-face bridge,
particularly at a tournament, requires a great deal more
energy from me than playing online. I have to pay attention
all the time (instead of being able to step away for a
"facilities break" when I'm dummy, for example), hold my cards
(rather than stare at them on the screen), physically play
them (instead of double-clicking on an online likeness), and
put some effort into socializing with the opponents. Don't get
me wrong: I don't dislike opponents; I just find socializing a
fairly taxing activity for me (I am an introvert). By the end
of a session, I'm exhausted!
The perks. OK, here's the best perk I got while attending my
very first tournament ever: While standing in the hallway, I
got to see Zia AND HE SMILED at me! I was so thrilled I could
hardly stand it. I felt like a love-struck teeny-bopper. I
swear I would have let him sign my underwear (because Guido
told me to wear some), and I might even have asked him to do
so, but he was on his cell phone at the time. Ian would have
been OK with that, I'm sure.
********************
(A note from one of your editors, and the lucky fourth in
this group at a couple of recent tournaments --
I was Jill's partner during the first incident she mentioned,
and even though playing face-to-face bridge is still a fairly
"new" experience for me (I get to do this once or twice a
year), I was able to quit gawking at all the bridge players
long enough to notice that my partner seemed distressed. When
she stuck her nose down her shirt, and peeked at her cards
over the top of the neckline of the shirt, I kinda figured
something was wrong... that was one of the quickest sets of
boards I ever played!
Face-to-face bridge is surely an experience we all should
participate in. The first few times I played in a room full
of tables of bridge players, I had a really hard time paying
attention to my cards and the bidding and play going on at my
table. I was too busy swiveling my head around, watching
this, looking for that... Oh, did someone yell "DIRECTOR!"? I
wonder why? What happened at that table... what's the
director going to say and do? OH! OH! People are ARGUING!
at that table 2 rows down! Yikes! Wonder what that's all
about? OH... my turn to bid? UM... hmmm....
I didn't know the rules of face-to-face bridge at all, and
was very thankful to have opps who were patient and helped
me through the rough patches. I had to learn all over again
how to "alert" and "announce", and when you could or couldn't
ask questions. I got my hands slapped for trying to be
'helpful' with the boards as E/W. I'm STILL working on
keeping score :)
Body language and table feel play a big role in face-to-face
bridge too. I was reminded several times by my partner(s) to
wait til it was my turn to play before I picked the card I was
going to play, I was giving the opps way too much information.
I guess my body language told them a lot about what I had.
I don't have such a problem with that when I play online :)
By far the best part of playing face-to-face bridge for me is
spending time with some really special people that I usually
only get to visit with online. What a joy to watch their
faces and listen to their voices. I'm looking forward to my
next "live" event so I can add some more memories to my store
of good times.)
-- Sara (believer)
===========================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Pooka for these:
Dog Letters to God
Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if
ever, smell one another?
Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or
is it the same old story?
Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit,
but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar
riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard
to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no
human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions,
hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields,and Frisbee flight paths. What
do humans understand?
Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake
hands to get in?
Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I
have to apologize?
Dear God, - Let me give you a list of just some of the things
I must remember to be a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it (or after
they eat it either).
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
because I like the way they smell.
- I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box;
although they are tasty, they are not food.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's
laps.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and registration.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
- I will shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
house.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he
makes that noise, I will know it is not a good thing.
============================================================
HAND OF THE MONTH
=================
This month we are thrilled to present our 'Hand of the Month'
feature, with a big "thank you" to Gail Wix for formatting it
for us.
From The 2004 Daily Bridge Calendar. For more information
call 1-888-453-1976, or email: calendar@interlog.com.
(This month we are re-running a hand from 2003, because
Gail has been traveling and STILL isn't home! We miss
you Gail!)
********************
Vul: none North
Dlr: S S AK
H AJ2
D 96543
C 876
South
S QT98532
H K3
D J2
C K3
West North East South
3S
Dbl 4S All pass
Opening Lead DA (Ace from Ace-King)
When you run into a bad trump break, do not indicate by word or
gesture that you are in trouble. Play as if everything is hunky
dory so that the defender who is short in trump is not alerted
to the situation. It's not easy.
West leads the DA and continues at trick two with the DK. East
playing the D7 and the DQ. At trick three West shifts to the CQ.
East wins and returns a club to your king. When you cross to a
high spade in dummy, West discards a low heart.
Plan the play from here. You need the rest of the tricks, by the
way.
*****************************************
S AK
H AJ2
D 96543
C 876
S -- S J764
H Q9874 H T65
D AKT8 D Q7
C QJ42 C AT95
S QT98532
H K3
D J2
C K3
Contract: 4S Lead: DA
********************
In order to make this hand after this insidious trump break,
you have to (a) trump three times in your hand reducing to the
same trump length as East; and (b) wind up in dummy at trick
twelve with the SQT hovering over East's SJ7. Start by ruffing
a club at trick six. Next, the big play, a low heart to the HJ
trying to create a necessary extra dummy entry. Unless West
inserts the HQ, an entry-killing play if he finds it, you will
be in the dummy with the HJ and can ruff a diamond. Next
overtake the HK and ruff another diamond. The table is set.
Cross to a high spade in dummy at trick eleven and take the
last two tricks with the SQT.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Don't let on if you run into a bad break. If West catches on to
your problem, he may wise up and play the HQ when you lead low
towards dummy's HAJx, thus depriving you of two heart entries to
dummy. When planning a trump coup (what you did here), reduce
to the same number of trump as your opponent arranging to end up
in dummy at trick twelve.
********************
Hand and analysis by Eddie Kantar, courtesy of the Daily
Bridge Calendar, published by Ashlar House Inc., Brampton,
ON, Canada. Reprinted with permission. (Special thanks to
Lee Daugherty and Dann Kramer.)
===========================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Gail37 for this groaner:
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, Doctor! I
think I'm shrinking! The doctor calmly responded, Now, settle
down. You'll just have to be a little patient.
============================================================
DEALING WITH DANN
=================
Responses to 2 Clubs Strong, Forcing, Artificial
(Remember, this is not SAYC treatment, but my
own preferences.)
2D- creates game force promises an ace or a king
(denies any of the specific hands below!)
2H - shows no Ace/King Immediate negative (also denies
long Major) maximum 8 points of Q/J's only
2S - shows 5+ Spades and 2 of the top 3 honours
2NT - shows 5+ Hearts and 2 of the top 3 honours
3C/D - shows 5+ Clubs/Diamonds 2 of top 3 honours
AND! at least one outside ace/king
(the 3 level response takes away so much space that we need
extras to preempt our strong auction. This helps the 2C
opener better judge to go past 3NT in search of slam or to
stop as early as possible!)
3H/S - shows 6+Hearts/Spades and a NEGATIVE
response (no Ace/King) - a weak jump shift if you
will. Again a quick picture for pard, they should
know where to place the final contract over this
bid if we have it - and remember to use it!
3NT - ok this is the what do I do with 9-12 points that's all
Queens and Jacks! (our 2C opener will then place the
contract or use an invitational NT jump!)
And as review, one of my favorite Sequences:
2C - 2D
3NT - ?
What is the meaning of all our bids now?!
4C - Stayman
4D/H - transfers to the Majors
4S - Minor suit Stayman
4NT - quantitative invite to 6NT
5C - GERBER!
5NT - quantitative force to 6/invite 7 with max
Everything else natural!
********************
You will find Pooka (Dann Kramer) doing his FireSide
sessions on Monday and Thursday mornings, at 11:00 a.m.
OKbridge time.
Dann is available for one-on-one lessons, group mentoring
sessions, and/or tourney play.
For more information, write Dann at: pspeard@telusplanet.net
============================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Benson for this giggle:
EXERCISE CLASS
I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape,
so I talked to my Doctor about joining a fitness club
and starting to exercise. He said "Go for it!"
So I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
for an hour -- but by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
============================================================
BRIDGE FOR THE CLUB PLAYER
==========================
I'd like to thank y'all for inviting me to join the OKBridge
Fireside Chat group. For at least the next few months, the
articles that will be appearing are reprints of some of the
more basic/foundation/classic articles that have appeared in
the FL Bridge News and in the notebooks of many of my
students.
Feel free to Email me at any time.
Thanks, Jack trojanowl@aol.com
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Defense
Have you ever thought about this? For every four hands, on
average, you will be declarer ONCE, dummy ONCE, and defend
TWICE. Since you should be resting your brain when you are the
dummy, you can conclude that defending is twice as important
as declarer play!
Here are some good solid guides for defense that the "club
player" can use to help become an above-average -- or even a
FEARED -- defender:
Remember the auction.
Reviewing the auction before you OR your partner makes the
opening lead is a MUST habit to develop. But if you train
yourself to stop and think during the hand, remembering the
auction will be unbelievably helpful.
Estimate your partner's high-card points.
You know how many you have. You have a good idea of declarer's
points from the bidding. You can SEE the dummy. Subtract
from 40, and you will get a good estimate of partner's points.
This becomes a habit after a while, and will really improve
your defense. During the hand, try to keep track of what high
cards everyone has shown up with so far. You will be AMAZED
how the entire hand can become clear fairly early on. (And you
thought only the "experts" could do it...)
When your side leads a suit (after the opening lead), lead LOW
if you want that suit returned, lead HIGH if you prefer some
other suit. For example, from K943 or K93, if you want that
suit returned, lead the 3. From T93, lead the ten. From
T863, lead the 8 ("second highest from lots of nothing")
unless you want it returned, in which case lead the 3. This
is especially useful when you have made an opening lead and
then are trying to get to partner in another suit in order to
lead the ORIGINAL suit back. Lead HIGH in the "new" suit. But
if there is no future in the original suit, and it is the NEW
suit you want returned, lead LOW. I hear these types of
comments much too often at the table: "But I wanted you to
return my FIRST suit" -- "Why didn't you lead the heart
back?" - "I found the heart shift but you went back to
spades!". Why not be a good partner and help your partner get
it right... they will appreciate it.
Remember the auction.
When you partner leads a suit, if you like the lead, play the
highest spot possible -- "attitude". IF you play a low spot,
it should carry a DOUBLE message: Partner, I don't like your
lead AND there is a better option. In other words: "Partner,
please switch." If you don't have a better idea, you should
encourage partner to stick with the first suit -- NOT break a
new suit. There is no hard and fast rule for the size of a
card automatically showing a certain attitude -- if you have
987, the 7 is low. If you have K743, the 7 is high. Pay
attention to those spots! Don't be stingy!! If you want to
show encouragement from K962, play the NINE unless you are
SURE it will matter. The 6 may look low to your poor partner.
Remember the auction.
Constantly ask yourself this question during the hand: "What
could go away"?
Possibly the single most important decision a defender makes
is whether to go "active" (leading -- and underleading --
aggressively) or "passive" (leading safely). Asking yourself
the above question has helped me and my students solve this
difficult problem with MUCH more consistency. Your thought
process might go something like this: "Declarer has 4 small
clubs on the board. Do I need to switch to a club (possibly
leading my Ace or leading away from a K,Q, or J.), or will we
eventually get whatever club tricks we are entitled to
anyway?" Remember, it is ALWAYS better to have the declarer
"break" the suit themselves if possible. But if the answer is
"Yes, he can throw the clubs in his hand away on dummy's
diamonds" (or vice versa), then it is time to play that club,
even if it means leading uncomfortably, such as A from AQ!
If declarer is crossruffing (or setting up a crossruff), LEAD
TRUMP.
This may be obvious, but I have seen some pretty good players
get focused on a different line of defense and fail to lead
trump in time. Frequently you can tell from the BIDDING that
a crossruff is "impending", and this is a good time to lead
trump on the opening lead.
Remember the auction.
And, finally, continue working on your COUNTING! :)
Happy defending! Jack Brawner
*************************************************************
Hello,
Jack has asked me to put in my two cents worth again, and I've
happily agreed, if only to say, "That's easy for him to say!"
Jack has repeated 'REMEMBER THE AUCTION' here numerous times,
and it sounds sooooo simple, but when I first began playing
duplicate, I found that as soon as the auction ended and those
bidding cards were stored back in their boxes, a steel curtain
descended in my mind and all memory of the bidding that led to
the final contract was immediately erased from my mind,
presumably to free up room for other, more important,
information. When I would wail "How could I have known?"
(usually after misdefending a hand), the answer was frequently
"Well, so & so BID hearts", or "Because so & so DIDN'T bid
spades". It didn't take long for me to accept that the
bidding was information well worth keeping in the FRONT of my
mind and I should concentrate on NOT letting that curtain
lower. I STILL can't do it consistently (there is just so
much to remember) but I keep trying. But I've gotten much
better at signaling my partner and paying attention to his
signals. It seems like whenever I fail to note one of my
partner's leads, it never fails to come back to haunt me the
next time I have the lead! I've found, though, that if I
focus mostly on his leads of a new suit, I'll have most of the
information I need -- not too much to remember!
Remember the auction! Keep learning! And always have fun!
Jacquie Brawner
********************
Jack welcomes students of all levels for lessons.
Contact him for information at trojanowl@aol.com
============================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Pringle for this giggle:
An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just
awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she
responds, "Don't touch me."
"Why not?" he asks.
She answers back, "Because I'm dead."
The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both
lying here in bed together and talking to one another."
She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."
He insists, "You're not dead.
What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
===============================================================
MOOGAL'S FIRESIDE LOG
=====================
OKB Tourneys
Well done to all our Fireside friends who excelled in
the tourneys this past month!!
Sat Jul 3 05:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 captain/schu 3.84
Sun Jul 4 04:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 pmac/tarsh 3.22
Wed Jul 7 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 Kaltica/moogal 63.78
Tue Jul 13 02:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 garyi/patmic 67.07
Tue Jul 13 05:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 palo1/Vox 3.04
Wed Jul 21 12:30 PM
Rank Team Score
1 BigL/tuna 69.35
Wed Jul 21 04:00 PM Combo
Rank Team Score
1 bait/wheels 59.02
And congrats to our Flight B/C placers:
TODD, ARROW, ASK1, BELIEVER, POTTS, KNYEE, KITKAT, KARLJK
We encourage you to change your flight to B or C so that you
are competing on an appropriate level -- you can do this on
the OKB website home page. Look for "Change my flight" in the
box where you icon appears. This is OKB's way of letting
everyone have a chance to get some pond points. And, as more
and more of you change your flights, the flighted results will
be more realistic. And, remember, if you do place in the
overalls, you are still eligible for the higher awards!
I know I must have missed a few of your names here. I can't
check every result -- believe it or not I do have a day job
:)) Please email me and let me know about your good results.
We want everyone's name up here in lights!
****************************************************************
NOVICE MENTOR TOURNEYS
Congrats to our winners of the Novice-Mentor tourney this
month.
And well done to all our top finishers:
Thu Jul 8 06:00 PM
Rank Team Score
1 kai/LSMFB 67.73
2 frodo/mrtngail 58.61
3 Horsecat/nancor 56.82
4 eleanor/tarsh 56.36
5 chinito/gerro 54.85
6 elvee/Neophyte 50.97
7 sfogel/Shade 50.15
8 jbooy/pgteam 50.00
Be sure to show up on the second Thursday each month (Aug 12th
this month) for your chance to play in this fun, easy-going
session of an OKB mini. You may be encouraged to try the daily
ones!
****************************************************************
FIRESIDE'S MENTOR CUP GAME
Our May winners are:
07-11-2004 Team NEOPHYTE: Neophyte, Mytag, JCabal, Flobabe &
Petitefl
07-25-2004 Team GAUS271: Gaus271, Neophyte, Raven99 & SJGrant
Visit our website at www.firesides.net/mtc.htm for info and
lists of all our top placing stars. To get on the email
reminder list for these games, contact us at firesider@aol.com
- all welcome!
*********************************************************
OKScript Seminar
Assuming that we can roust Colin from his bed in
time, we will be having a Basic OKScript Seminar TODAY
(Sunday, August 1st, 2004) at 8:30 A.M. PST (11:30 E.S.T.).
If you'd like to attend please follow the instructions
below to download and install OKScript on your computer.
The latest version has a number of new features but our
seminar will focus on fundamentals common to all versions.
If you are a current OKScript user the upgrade is free.
What is OKScript?
OKScript is a program for OKWin users that will
save you a LOT of typing by using "macros": prepared
text that is sent onto the screen by hitting a button.
One button might say "glp" on it, and send "Good luck,
Partner" onscreen when you hit it. Another might send
an explanation of an alert bid to both opponents. A
third might call to the Lobby for more players. A
fourth might solicit a replacement player from spec.
A fifth might ask RHO or LHO for an explanation of
a bid that they have made.
Downloading OKScript
To download OKScript, start up your web
browser (Netscape, Internet Explorer, etc.) and enter:
http://home1.gte.net/yweare/oks-intro.htm
...and click on "Downloads". Then click on
the OKSXsetup.exe file, not the seminar.exe one.
Install it by clicking on OKSXsetup.exe (wherever
you saved it) and you're ready to go.
********************************************************
Congratulations to OBRAVEN, our OKb Angelfish for August.
From Tuna's Angelfish column in the Spectator:
C. Diane Lyness "obraven" of Pennsylvania USA is our Angelfish
for August.
Curls Writes:
Hi Tony,
When Virgie, a beloved OKb member, died recently, Diane, whom
I know only as an occasional pard and opponent here, took it
upon herself to contact everyone she knew on OKb, and then
some. She also contacted Virgie's family during the mourning
period and also for a month or more after the memorial tourney
that you so kindly named in Virgie's honor that Sunday
afternoon. Diane urged all of Virgie's friends to send cards
and emails to her family.
It didn't end there. Diane continued her praises of Virgie
and her loving family to all of Virgie's friends seemingly
forever.
No one person, in my 7 active years on okb, has been so kind
and done so much for a friend as Diane did for Virgie. I'm
proud to be on her "friends" list.
Jim "curls" Beggs
The following nominated individuals also deserve our
recognition and praise: BENSON, betson, cardmama, derinsu,
jayeshg, maree, rperell, sbrum, tuna, wishtrik
**********************************************************
I know many of you remember Shelagh (SHEP), an ex-commentator
who is missed by us all. She is heading to Turkey in the fall
to play on the Canadian Women's team in the bridge Olympiad!
Good luck Shelagh...You'll have a large rooting section here!
*********************************************************
The Modern Hexathlon by Richard Pavlicek
The torch goes on! In August, keep your eyes on Athens and
you may witness this inaugural six-stage event that combines
traditional disciplines of track and field with elements of
swimming and diving. Then again, you may find it only in this
play contest. As declarer, simply choose your play from the
choices offered. Try it! You'll like it.
http://www.rpbridge.net/7x89.htm
Results of the July bidding poll "Turin Polls Raise Cain" will
be posted August 4, 2004 at 21:00 GMT. For these, and
everything else related to the monthly polls and contests, go
to:
http://www.rpbridge.net/rppc.htm
I know I have cringed at the thought of playing in a Moyesian
(4-3) fit at the game level, or even a part score. How about
a story from Richard's web site about a Moyesian slam!
Moysian Slam
Few North-South pairs obtained a plus score on this
challenging deal from a previous Summer Nationals. With 33 HCP
and no eight-card fit, most pairs reached 6 NT, which
basically needed a 3-3 club break (or a workable squeeze) --
not to be; down one.
A few enterprising bidders reached 6 S in the 4-3 fit --
called a "Moysian fit" after the late Alphonse Moyse, who
wrote many articles about the merits of these contracts. I
uphold this philosophy and applaud North's decision to raise
spades with such strong trumps, albeit only three. South
didn't see any point in Blackwood and simply bid what he
thought he could make.
6S by South
None Vul S KQ10
H AK654
D Q5
C 954
S 9872 S 64
H Q102 H J983
D J9876 D 103
C 10 C QJ876
S AJ53
H 7
D AK42
Lead: C10 C AK32
West North East South
1H Pass 1S
Pass 2S Pass 6S
Declarer counted 11 top tricks, and the best chance for 12
seemed to be a ruff in dummy. (Clubs could not be breaking
because West's lead was clearly a singleton or doubleton.)
After winning the C K, declarer crossed to the D Q and back to
the D A; then came a diamond ruff in dummy as East pitched a
club.
Declarer next cashed the S K-Q. Alas, there was no way to
reach the South hand to draw West's trumps; a club would be
ruffed, and a heart ruff would fatally shorten South's trumps.
It also would not have helped to overtake the S Q with the
ace. Down one.
A better plan would be a dummy reversal. Win the C K and cash
H A-K, pitching a club; ruff a heart high (just in case);
spade to dummy; ruff a heart high; spade to dummy; and draw
another trump, pitching a club. Even though trumps fail to
split, you're still in clover. Just lead the good heart and
pitch a diamond as West ruffs; then claim the rest with all
winners. Magic.
****************************************************************
The NYC summer nationals are over and we say congrats to our
Fireside fiends who shone there. I *hated* having to read
about it in the daily bulletins...I wanted to be there!:)
1ST SAT DAYLIGHT OPEN PR - 100 Pairs
-----------------------------------------------------
MPs A B C Names Score
6.51 6 Robert Lavin, East Longmeadow MA; Patricia Wright,
Charlotte NC 375.58
Bruce LM-5000 Prs - Final Standings
------------------------------------------------------
MPs Rank Names Score
6.67 31 Robert Vollbracht, Clearwater FL; Jack
Brawner Jr, St Petersburg FL 754.13
Fri-Sun Side Game Series - 85 Pairs
---------------------------------------------------
MPs A B C Names Score
1.40 6 Michael Moss, Hawthorne CA; Bernard
Heilpern, 163.17
Fri-Sun Side Game Series - 56 Pairs
------------------------------------------------------
MPs A B C Names Score
3.19 2 1 P Max Vaight, Toronto ON; Bernard
Heilpern, 191.00
ROCKEFELLER CENTER KO #4 - 16 Teams
-----------------------------------------------------------
MPs Rank Names
26.74 1 Beth Armstrong, Kalamazoo MI; Jacqueline DeRouin,
Okemos MI; Rae Dethlefsen, Reston VA; Diane
Walker, Gaithersburg MD
Monday Afternoon Side Prs - 86 Pairs
--------------------------------------------------------
MPs A B C Names Score
6.98 2 1 1 Michael Moss, Hawthorne CA; Bernard
Heilpern, London England 201.00
MON EVE SWISS TEAMS - 54 Teams
-------------------------------------------------------
MPs A B C Names Score
3.41 3 P Max Vaight - Eric Lewis, Toronto ON; Michael
Moss, Hawthorne CA; Bernard Heilpern, London
England 52.00
OFF OFF BWAY CONSO BKT 3 - 9 Teams
----------------------------------------------------------
MPs Rank Names
4.55 2 Eric Lewis - P Max Vaight, Toronto ON; Bernard
Heilpern, London England; Vir Agarwal, New York NY
RAINY DAYS & MONDAYS KO 2 - 16 Teams
---------------------------------------------------
MPs Rank Names
21.96 2 Robert Ling, Chattanooga TN; Jack Brawner Jr,
St Petersburg FL; Robert Vollbracht, Clearwater
FL; Larry Lowell Jr, Knoxville TN
The Producers KO Bkt 2 - 11 Teams
------------------------------------------------------
MPs Rank Names
7.23 2 P Max Vaight - Eric Lewis, Toronto ON; Laura
Brown, Garnerville NY;Bernard Heilpern, London
England
WAGAR Knockout Teams - 25 teams
-------------------------------------------------------
Rank Names
3/4 Lynn Baker - Lynn Deas - Beth Palmer - Kay
Schulle - Kerri Sanborn - Hjordis Eythorsdottir
Mixed B-A-M Teams - 52 Teams
-----------------------------------------------------------
MPs Rank Names Score
110.00 1 Steve Robinson, Arlington VA; Lynn Deas,
Schenectady NY; William Pollack - Rozanne
Pollack, Basking Ridge NJ; William Pettis -
Beth Palmer, Silver Spring MD 34.75
Well done to all our friends!
************************************************************
Well that's a wrap for this month. I have a busy household for
a while....both daughters and one son-in-law here as they all
complete moves and new home purchases. (Children never really
leave home, they come back and bring other people's kids with
them).
I'm sitting here typing with my leg in a big black knee brace
from thigh to calf .....Let this be a lesson to all of you out
there: Play more bridge....and whatever you do, don't clean
on a step stool! I *did* protect my mouse hand as I fell tho.
:)
Send me your news!
Hugs, Janice
*************************************************************
While we list the lessons offered by the commentators who
write for The Chat, we want to note that some of our other
commentators and newsletter contributors also give lessons
in most shapes and sizes....mentoring games, tourney play,
partnership coaching, just about whatever type of lesson
you could envision.
Please feel free to contact any of them for lessons:
Colin/Kaltica kaltica@mts.net
Bill/Wintaka btreble@shaw.ca
Lynn/Wishtrik lynn@lynndeas.com
Dann/Pooka pspeard@telusplanet.net
Bob/Bridgboy bridgboy@charter.net
Diane/DianeW diane@walkersweb.org
Bernard/Bluebee Bernardh@btinternet.com
Fred/FredW3 Please msg on OKB
Patricia/Fifee AndersonsCorner@charter.net
Nightowl/Jack trojanowl@aol.com
The lessons can be more affordable than you might
think, especially mentoring games. We think our
commentators give you your money's worth when you
choose private lessons, and they really value your
business. Maybe you can hint to a loved one what
you would like for your next birthday!
***********************************************************
Rainbow and Spectrum Series Online!
The popular Rainbow (SAYC and play) and Spectrum (2/1-GF)
series have been automated for your convenience. You can take
any of the lessons at your leisure simply by clicking on
either of these links:
http://www.firesides.net/rainbows.htm
http://www.firesides.net/spectrums.htm
Enjoy!
**************************************************************
Have a comment you'd like to make about the FireSide program?
An event or announcement you'd like to share with the rest of
us? A question you'd like answered? Here's a great place for
us to visit every day and keep up with each other:
http://www.firesides.net/chatline.htm
********************
Can't remember if this is a Mentor Cup week or when the next
Fireside session is? Get the complete schedule of events at:
www.firesides.net/whatsup.htm
Bookmark this page, and check back often. You don't want to
miss anything!
For those of you who use a credit card to support Fireside,
it's easy now with PAYPAL! Go to:
www.firesides.net/support.htm
*********************
FIRESIDE UTILITY SITES
http://www.firesides.net/checker.htm
http://www.firesides.net/dealhand.htm
********************
And if you haven't had a chance to check them out yet,
here are some links to some of the quizzes that Colin has
developed to enlighten us:
www.firesides.net/staymantest.htm
www.firesides.net/sayctest.htm
www.firesides.net/sarctest.htm
www.firesides.net/spectrumtest.htm
www.firesides.net/bidstest.htm
www.firesides/net/IGITSAP.htm
(Note that IGITSAP must be in CAPS.)
Give them a try! They are fun and instructive.
*****************************************************
August Events: (All times Pacific)
===============================
NOVICE/MENTOR TOURNEY:
Thursday, August 12, at 6:00 PM, OKb time. A low-key
introduction to the tourney experience, sponsored
by Fifth Chair...see www.fifthchair.org for more info
on this and their other services, including getting a
mentor.
FIRESIDE MENTOR CUP TEAM GAME:
Sundays, 5:00 P.M. August 8 & 22.
See www.firesides.net/mtc.htm for info and lists
of past winners. To get on the mailing list for
this game, email me at firesider@aol.com.
OKSCRIPT SEMINAR:
OKScript seminars are held as demand warrants.
Email Kaltica to schedule a session, usually available
on the same Sunday as the Mentor Cup Game, at 2:30 p.m.
OKScript is an add-on program that saves you many
keystrokes while playing on OKB by sending
prepared text to the table, opps, or lobby at the
push of a button. Try to download the program BEFORE
the seminar by going to www.firesides.net/okscript.htm.
For more information, email Colin at kaltica@mts.net.
FIFTH CHAIR INSTRUCTIONAL EVENTS:
=================================
Interested in getting a mentor to play with you periodically
in your learning of this wonderful game? Please contact
tarsh1@mindspring.com and ask for a mentor.
SAYC Novice Team Game:
Saturdays, at 8:00 a.m. PACIFIC. Newcomers very
welcome! In addition to the team game, there will be
an open table for those waiting to join the team game.
This table will also have a commentator.
2/1 Team Game for intermediate players:
Saturdays, 1:30 p.m. Pacific. Novices are welcome in
spectator mode.
Look for the words FIFTH CHAIR beside the server's name,
in the table notes, to attend either of these sessions
You can also go to the Fifth Chair Foundation webpage:
www.fifthchair.org if you have any bidding questions.
After clicking on the webpage, find the Ask Anything section.
Write an email to Lucy, and she will be most happy to answer
your questions.
OKbridge offers us an email discussion opportunity,
the Discuss List. You can join that list by emailing them
at Discuss-Request@okbridge.com and put the word 'subscribe'
in the subject line. You can also participate in the
discussions via the OKbridge web site now, just go to the
members area at www.okbridge.com and you'll find the Discuss
List there at the bottom of your opening page.
********************
Moogal (Janice Kofman) stays busy collecting all sorts
of news about our FireSide family members to share with us.
Please help her out by emailing her any news or stories you
are willing to share with the group.
Janice's email address is moocake@bellsouth.net
=====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to BobW for these:
Internet Inspired TV Shows
Modem, She Wrote - Each week, our intrepid detective tries to
solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever connect
at 56k.
Micro-CHiPs - Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information
Superhighway.
Carly's Angels - Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team
of three vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's sagging
stock price.
Hawaii 6.0 - An upgraded version of the classic series. Steve
McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online.
T. J. Hacker - A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to
James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the
miscreants who canceled his TV show.
The Excel Files - Inexplicable things are happening to the
data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be
solved? The truth is out there.
The AOL-Team - Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and Mr.
T unite to promote corporate mergers and make the world safe
for capitalism.
Magnum, PC - This series about a crime-solving personal
computer that goes by the code name Deep Blue is based in
beautiful Hawaii. Season finale cliff-hanger: Will Deep Blue
be seduced by the wily charms of the Texas Instruments Speak
'n' Spell?
The Incredible Bulk - The exciting adventures of Windows,
which just keeps growing and growing.
Buffy the Virus Slayer - Buffy and her fearless gang of
antivirus definitions stalk and kill VBS files--no small feat
while wearing a halter top and high-heeled boots.
========================================================
SPECIAL TREAT
=============
Thanks to Paul (POTTS) DuBois for this wonderful
article about playing in OKb tourneys :-)
How to Play in OKB mini tournaments by "Potts"
Ever thought about playing in an OKB mini tournament? If
you're new to OKB, or a novice or intermediate, you probably
haven't even considered it. Surprisingly, mini tournaments are
a lot of fun and surprisingly there is less pressure to play
well than at ranked Lehman tables. This article will tell you
how to play in a mini and I hope answer most of your
questions.
As an OKB newcomer I was quite frightened by the environment.
I had no idea what level of play corresponded to given Lehman
rankings, and when I played a few hands with other people near
my starting value of 50 they became quite angry and rude. "You
have no clue!" wrote one partner as he left the table
abruptly.
On the other hand there were few unranked tables, and many of
those tables didn't want me either. The only other venue was
the mini-tournaments, but that seemed completely out of reach.
I didn't have a partner and assumed (wrongly) that people
would be even more angry if I helped them lose a tournament.
(As it turns out, I'm pretty good at doing that.)
I was on the verge of giving up when I found Firesides.
(Firesides has everything you need except its own ranking
system, which it needs and which I hereby invent: paper,
sliver, wood chip, stick, branch, chemical log, pine log,
eucalyptus log, chestnut log, maple log, oak log, walnut log,
redwood log, and mahogany log = Colin.) After I had been
attending Firesides for a while Sara (believer) invited me to
play a mini with her and I saw that it was easy to do, gave me
a chance to play with really good players, and had much less
pressure than playing in ranked games.
Finding a Partner
OKB tells you to go to 'tourpard' to ask for a partner, but I
suggest you just ask other Firesides people. For your first
experience ask someone to play with you who has done it
before.
Results of tournaments have NO effect on your or your
partner's Lehman ranking. So your partner is going to be much
more relaxed, assuming that he or she is not psycho. And
you'll find you are too, at least after you have a few minis
under your belt.
Picking a Mini
The schedule for the minis is on the members home page at
www.okbridge.com, in the lower right corner. There are two
kinds: mini-mp and mini-imp. The only difference is scoring:
MPs at mini-mp and IMPs at mini-imp (yo, duh). If you don't
know the difference there is an explanation in the OKB
reference materials at
http://www.okbridge.com/membersclub/reference/scoring.php3.
But the short version is that MP favors good card players and
IMPS favors good bidders.
You'll need to figure on a time of a little more than an hour.
You will be playing 12 hands in all. You can in fact be a
little late but leaving early is not done.
Once you and your partner have decided on a tourney, wait
until five minutes or so before the scheduled time and see if
the table (named mini-mp or mini-imp) has been opened. Once it
is open, join that table. For example, type in your chat
window:
/join mini-mp
Once your partner has joined as well, you have to let OKB know
you are partners. Let's suppose you are playing with me,
potts:
/partner potts
Your partner will get a dialog box and click 'OK' to accept
you.
Now is a good time to chat about your conventions. You don't
have to have a convention card if you are playing SAYC or 2/1.
Non-SAYC players just have to alert and explain non-SAYC bids.
Now everything happens automatically. Suddenly you will see a
stream of messages about people leaving the table (the mini-mp
table in our example) and you will find yourself at a new
table with some opponents. You will play two hands with these
people and after they crush you like a bug you will be
automatically moved to a new table with new opponents. After
the sixth set of two hands, everyone will disappear. We'll get
to what to do then later.
Greeting the Victors
Before the opps can crush you like a bug, they need to know
what system you are playing. So tell them:
"Hi opps, sayc / std here."
meaning "We're bidding SAYC and using standard carding", or
"Hi opps, sayc + Capp, o/e discards"
Some opps want an explicit statement of your carding.
Sometimes I admit I don't know what I'm doing:
"Hi, sayc / std here but inexperienced so mistakes likely"
This causes the better players to salivate and overbid.
Playing
You bid and play normally. The only big differences are:
a. If you claim, be sure to explain you are going to draw
trump or are counting on a known finesse. Some of these people
are lawyers. When in doubt just play on until it is clear.
b. Do not make any congratulatory remarks to your partner, not
even a 'wdp'. Sensitive world-class egos can work themselves
into a snit if you say 'vwdp' when in fact it was their stupid
mistake that made the difference. Can I explain to you why
these few people care so much about an event that occurs many
times a day and has no prizes? Well, it says in the Canterbury
Tales that there are Seven Deadly Sins and of these the Queen
is Pride.
Time Limits
The changes to new opponents occur on a schedule. If you are
finished with your two hands before the next 'round' begins,
you'll get a message that says something like, "The next round
will begin in one minute." If you are still playing as this
time approaches, various encouraging and finally threatening
messages will occur. While scary, in fact the worst thing that
can happen is that you will end up missing a hand at some
point, or the Director will come to your table and express
disappointment.
Sometimes you are ready but other people aren't. You may sit
at your new table waiting for your next victims, but the
system is quite good at keeping you informed. These times when
there are no opps present give you a chance to make rude
remarks about the previous ones. In contrast, if you are
waiting for the end of the round, your opps are still there
and can hear you so exercise discretion in your discussions.
It is customary to thank them and wish them luck if you have
time.
Scoring
You'll notice that you get no immediate feedback on how you
did. Eventually, when everyone is done with a round, the
scoreboard on the table will show you your current cumulative
average. For example, if on the first two hands at IMPS we got
+4.0 and then -2.0, it will say "We 1.00". That is the sum of
our scores divided by the number of hands we have played. If
in the second round we score two 0.00 hands, it will now say
"0.50". The fact that this is an average means that it tends
to change TOWARD zero if you got a neutral result. If you were
at -6.00, and later it says -1.00, you may have not in fact
done anything good, other than not doing anything bad again.
Finishing Up
As you play hand #12, it is customary to thank your partner,
because when the hand ends you will find yourself back in the
Lobby. I usually contact partner again to say thanks. The
tourney ends with a whimper, not a bang.
Getting the Results
The results will be emailed to you when they are available,
usually within 30 minutes of the end of the tournament. They
are also available at the OKB website under 'Tournaments' and
then 'Tournament Results'. Find the time of your mini and
click on a format. The text format is the best but the Java
one can replay a movie of the hands for you.
Using the email you will see your results and for each hand a
resume and list of other results. If you want to see how other
people bid and played you'll have to use the website results.
If the hands don't line up nicely in your email reader save
the message as text and use an editor such as Notebook to read
it.
Pond Points
There is a fun system of points to be won called Pond Points.
You start off as Pond Scum and try to win points until you are
a Tuna. Only the website text results format shows who won
points. There is also a 'view my pond points' link that will
show you the correct total some days later.
Flights
On the OKB member home page, there is always your 'profile'
displayed near the top. One link in that profile allows you to
change your tournament flight. The intent is that weaker
players can still win pond points when they beat other weaker
players in their 'flight'. The flights are A (best), B, and C
(me). I mean literally me: amuse and I seem to be the only C
pair in existence, so we always come in first and get .05 Pond
Points.
Combos
Some of the tournaments are two tournaments in a row marked
"Combos". This has no effect except that there is a separate
email and pond points for those who played in both with the
same partner. That in effect makes a 24-board tournament for
those who do so. But you can play in either half without
playing in the other; you just won't be in the combo results.
Director Calls
You'll probably never need to call the Director. You do it by
sending a message to the Director. You can read all about this
on the tournament rules page. I never bother. If someone calls
the Director on you just do what the Director says to do and
forget about it. The Director can 'cancel' a board and you may
find you have been given a score that says "AVG +" rather than
the one you really got.
Disappearing
If you lose your connection or something is wrong do not leave
your seat. That sets off some sort of alarm. Instead, log off,
come back as fast as you can, and join the tourney table
again. You will automagically land up where you belong again.
If someone else disappears and doesn't come back fairly
quickly the Director knows about it already. Sit tight and
wait for help to arrive.
How Opps Are Chosen
Your first round opps are chosen at random. After that,
especially among those finished on time, you get matched with
others with scores like yours. This means that your second
round opps will be other crushees like yourself. If, however,
as happened to me once, your first three rounds are against
The Three Stooges, the fourth round opps will NOT say "Hi,
SAYC / std".
They will say something closer to, "Precision double fudge
Stolen Kisses with Inexplicable Discards" and they will post a
98-page convention card. Next to their name it will say "World
Class Expert", "Double Platinum Record", or something like
that. Coooool. This person wouldn't even speak to you before
and now you hold their life in your hands. Psyche. No wait,
you don't need to. They will be trying to make sense out of
what you bid and play and they will have smoke coming out of
their ears like a Star Trek computer that lost a bet with
Captain Kirk. And if you should happen to whack them for 10
IMPS, as I did one golden day, you'll know why minis are
addictive.
========================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Wheels for this giggle:
Maxine
1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone
in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making
gestures."
2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my
buns."
3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It
gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as
possible."
4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn
is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and
shirtless."
5. Maxine on "Body Piercing" - "I'd get my nipple pierced, but
I'd be afraid I'd trip over it."
6. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy
who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I
want, then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster,
charged up and ready when needed."
7. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really
improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a
paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."
8. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of
rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
9. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of
salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a
large margarita."
========================================================
TREBLE'S TABLE TALK
===================
THE RUB OF THE GREEN
I've often heard the expression "it's a bidder's game" in any
discussion that revolves around the topic of whether to act or
remain silent in a game of bridge. For the most part, that's
good advice. If you have a close decision, bidding usually
works out since the defense is often unequal to the task even
if you wind up in a less than ideal contract.
However, many people carry this precept to absurd extremes and
wind up with deplorable results as a consequence. We're going
to look at three hands in which the bidders came up on the
short end.
First is a crucial hand in the fortunes of our squad in the
Canadian National Teams final in June. With two matches to
go, we just needed to play steady bridge and would have a
decent chance of making the playoffs. In the second last
match, one of our players held as North, non-vul against
vulnerable opponents:
S 83 H K1097 D A97642 C 5
RHO opened 1C, and our player overcalled 1D. This was
followed by:
West North East South
1C 1D 2NT pass
3NT pass pass dbl
pass pass pass
Partner led the Queen of diamonds, after which the contract
was on ice, the entire hand being:
North
S 83
H K1097
D A97642
West C 5 East
S KQ76 S A52
H 5432 H AQ8
D K D J1083
C AJ32 South C 864
S J1094
H J6
D Q5
C KQ1097
Just about any other lead would have sufficed to beat 3NT, and
-750 was a telling blow against us in our efforts to qualify.
South definitely might have considered either a club or spade
lead, and perhaps the jump to 2NT on his right should have
deterred him from shooting out the Q of diamonds. However,
the sparse 1D overcall by North created a situation where
something bad could happen, whereas a green card would have
easily avoided any pitfalls.
One of my theories is that overcalling 1C with 1D should
either promise a sound opening bid or show a burning desire
for the lead of that suit. The 1D bid has zero pre-emptive
value, as responder can still introduce a major at the one-
level, and doesn't rate to win the partscore battle unless
advancer has a really good hand. Of course, this is just my
opinion, and my own partner Dave McLellan takes issue with me
on this subject, which is one of our rare disagreements on
bidding theory.
Note, however, that the North hand meets neither of my
criteria. It isn't remotely close to an opening bid, and with
a mediocre six-card suit, you have no reason to assume that a
diamond lead is essential for the defense. Moreover, since
the hand is not strong enough for two bids, the heart suit may
be lost entirely. My style here would be to pass and then
decide if I want to take a delayed or balancing action later
on. As a general principle, delayed overcalls show a long but
not particularly strong suit.
If E-W bid and raise spades, North might now elect to double
for the red suits. Regardless, N-S will go plus if the
overcall is not made, as they can beat even 2NT with accurate
defense.
In the finals of the Canadian Women's Teams, the Ina Demme
team overcame a substantial early deficit to upend the
defending champions, and this hand was pivotal in the outcome.
Both sides were vul as this board hit the table:
North
S A7642
H Q7
D K8732
West C Q East
S void S 10983
H J108 H AK
D A1065 D QJ9
C AK9743 South C 10652
S KQJ5
H 965432
D 4
C J8
Here are the respective auctions:
Table 1
West North East South
1C 1S 2C 3H*
5C pass 6C pass
pass pass
*fit-showing jump, hearts and spades
Table 2
West North East South
1C pass 1S pass
2C pass 3C pass
pass pass
6C was a great contract, and is actually on a diamond finesse
for all thirteen tricks. Once NS showed a probable nine-card
spade fit and opener bid game, East knew all her values were
useful and had no problem going on to the slam.
At the other table, once North passed and East responded in
opener's void, West judged there was likely too much wastage
for game to have much of a play. Even though partner had
invited by raising clubs, opener called it a day and was
mortified when dummy hit with all working cards.
In a poll taken amongst the eliminated players, a slight
majority bid on with opener's hand, but there were a lot of
passers as well.
On the flip side of the equation, I'd say there would be more
bidders than passers with the North hand, but again there is a
case to be made for passing. Really, this is an extremely
flawed 11 points, with both rounded Queens being of dubious
value. For a vulnerable overcall, I would like more of a
concentration of strength in my long suits. And once more,
diamonds could get lost in the shuffle as the hand isn't good
enough for two bids if partner doesn't act. We could be much
better placed if the opponents bid and raise hearts, and now
we can enter the fray with a takeout double for the pointed
suits.
Finally, if the opponents buy the hand, partner might strive
to lead our suit, which could work out badly if they play in
notrump and partner has a natural diamond (or heart) lead on
an uncontested auction.
Paul Thurston, who is a very fine player and was also the
chairman of the organizing committee that put on a wonderful
event, was discussing this hand with me afterward. He gave EW
at table 1 credit for bidding to 6C, but suggested that Irene
Hodgson, North at table 2, deserved kudos for avoiding the 1S
overcall, after which EW were never getting to slam and were
hard-pressed to even reach game.
By the way, South's fit-showing jump to 3H at table 1 is a
hopeless bid. It should promise length and strength in both
hearts and spades. This hand is a straight jump to 4S. That
wouldn't have affected the final result, though, as West still
bids 5C and East boosts her to slam.
Finally, we have an auction where the choice of bid had a
dramatic effect on the final result. You are East in third
seat with the following hand, no one vul:
S A65 H A D AQ42 C K7532
West North East South
pass pass 1D 1H
pass 1S ?
The choice of opening bid is a tossup. You could start with
1C and reverse into diamonds if partner responds a major.
However, the point-count is minimum for a reverse and the
suits aren't great. So my partner decided on a 1D opening
instead, with the intention of bidding clubs next. Each
opponent bid a major, and now partner had to decide what to do
on the next turn. He decided to follow though and bid the
clubs. However, LHO now bid 4S and now partner bid 5C with:
S xxx H Jxxx D Jx C Axxx
Not unreasonable, since he expects 4S to be making and 5C
should be a cheap sac at the very worst, if not an outright
make. The problem is that 4S was down very quickly on a heart
lead and a club shift for the heart ruff.
My view is that while opener has a good hand, it really
doesn't have that much of a future. You're outgunned in the
major suits, partner has miniscule values at best (it's
amazing he has even this good a hand), and the 2C bid is
suggesting an offensive hand when in fact you have the exact
opposite, a hand suited more for defense. My general
inclination is not to fight too vigorously for the contract
when all I have is minor suits and partner is marked for a bad
hand, unless I have a real humdinger in terms of shape and
high cards.
So there you have it, three hands where suspect bidding
decisions came with a huge pricetag when a simple pass would
have resulted in a major gain instead. The moral is, bidding
aggressively is fine, but not when the upside is limited and
the downside is considerable.
See you next month.
********************
You will find Bill doing his FireSide sessions on Tuesdays
at 5:30 P.M. OKbridge time.
Bill is available for private/group lessons and/or
supervised play sessions. Email Bill at (btreble@shaw.ca)
for more information.
================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Kaltica for these giggles:
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a
warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth
control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin,
Texas...
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2,000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with Roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing
Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough,
however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four
walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to
throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling
fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh
oh",; it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots
of it.
9.) A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the
movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract
of a 4-year old.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool
you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18.) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on;
plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in La Mesa, CA has a 5-minute
response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade-
true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the
story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the
part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate
the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the
pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?' The teacher paused, then asked the class,
"...And what do you think that man said?" One little boy
raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy crap! A
talking pig!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.
25.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox
and brake fluid.
===================================================
AND FINALLY KALTICA
===================
Non-SAYC Conventions
Most new OKBridge pairs sit down and agree to play
SAYC. This means that set number of conventions (e.g.
Stayman, Blackwood, Michaels, Unusual 2NT overcalls in
direct seat, negative doubles through 2S along with
Jacoby Transfers and 2NT responses, etc.) are in effect.
But which conventions should we add and in which order
should we tackle them? As we will see, it is important
to tack on these frills not only in the right ORDER but
also in the right MANNER.
There are two factors which apply:
1. Utility:
How much does this new gadget improve on what we
are playing now and how often will we benefit? To wit,
Upside Down Count and Attitude may be easy to implement
but the number of times it helps us as opposed to normal
signaling methods may not make them a high priority.
As another example, Revolving Discards enjoy absolutely no
advantage over standard suit preference and would never
factor into our discussion with a new partner.
To illustrate: Against 4S Partner tries to cash
C-AK but Declarer ruffs the second Club, leaving us with
C-J1092. On our first discard from this "known" suit we
normally pitch the C-2 to show interest in the lower ranked
non-trump suit (i.e. Diamonds), C-Jack to suggest strength
in the higher ranked suit, Hearts. Playing Revolving
Discards, C-2 asks for the non-trump suit below Clubs,
with the suits arranged like a Colour Wheel. This would
mean Hearts here, since Spades are trump. C-Jack would
ask for the suit above Clubs: Diamonds. Benefit? None.
2. Comprehensibility:
Difficult or unfamiliar conventions may be a poor
choice. Much as I love Defensive Doubles, I'd prefer to
wait until ours is a well established partnership before
discussing them. Third and Fifth best leads, on the other
hand, need no more explanation than their name. Given
that they are helpful every time we are leading from a
three-card suit they satisfy the utility requirement, too.
More problematic can be a convention which, while easily
recognized, may have variations. When agreeing to Roman
Key Card Blackwood, then, we must learn to say "RKC 0314"
or "RKC 1403". I have learned from bitter experience that
some do not recognize that "1403" is a variation on the
original "0314" RKC standard.
This is, in fact, the first convention that I would
add: "RKC 0314". For more on Roman Key Card Blackwood
check out:
http://www.firesides.net/rkc.htm
The second addition is also part of 2/1-GF-OK, but
"forgotten" by the designers of SAYC: "Reverse Drury".
Remember to specify "REVERSE Drury"! Some would add
New Minor Forcing at this juncture. I would not, since
it fails both my tests. It is not demonstrably superior
to standard methods (i.e. it helps when we have exactly
12 points and a 5-card major but costs when Responder has
a long minor and 6-12 points) and many auctions may be
unclear without discussion. For example, is 1D:1S:1NT:3C
weak, invitational or strong?
Next we turn our attention to defensive signaling.
Odd-Even would be a very poor choice, but Suit Preference
In Trumps is self-explanatory and extremely useful. Just
don't call it "SPIT"; Partner likely won't understand the
acronym. Again, Third and Fifth Best leads can be added
at this juncture, too. Make certain that you specify
whether you only play them against suit contracts (as
some people do) or against suit and No Trump contracts.
The latter requires less brain work so, naturally, it is
my choice. KATARACT (i.e. "King ATtitute, Ace Requests
A CounT") is another addition that should be spelled out;
few will recognize the acronym.
Now we turn our attention back to bidding methods.
We need a way to bid against a strong 1NT. Natural
overcalls are fine, but the penalty double is wasted.
How often will we be strong enough to confidently
double a 15-17 1NT Opener? Hence, I might suggest
DONT or, even simpler, McGuinty. In the latter case the
trick is not to use the name "McGuinty", since few will
recognize it. Rather, just say "Takeout doubles of the
strong 1NT [with 2 or 3-suiters], Pard?" But what is
the dividing line between strong and weak 1NTs? Is
14-16 strong or weak? I use the 13-point guideline:
if the 1NT can be as weak as 13 points it is considered
"weak". If it is always 14+ I'd regard it as "strong".
Against a weak 1NT I'd play penalty doubles and
natural overcalls for now, hoping to introduce my pard
to Geneva much later. For more on this check out:
http://www.firesides.net/mcguinty.htm
The next refinement is easy to express and play:
CARLOS (i.e. Cuebids Are Raises--Limit--Or Strong).
Again, don't use the name, just say: "Weak jump raises
throughout. Cuebid if stronger. Okay, Pard?"
I'd hope to tackle Lebensohl at this point. It
isn't quite as simple as the others so far but it is
so common and useful that it is worth the discussion
time. "Leb everywhere, slow shows, direct denies" is
one way of introducing it to a knowledgeable partner.
For more on Lebensohl go to:
http://www.firesides.net/rainbows.htm
...and select Lesson #9.
Other good conventions that might round out our
card include Smolen ("Stayman then 3-of-a-major over
a Diamond response shows 5 in the OTHER major, Pard?"),
ST TOMAS ("Stayman Then The Other Major Asks 'Slam?'"),
Unusual vs Unusual, Non-Forcing Free Bids, BORIS Doubles,
1NT:4D and 2NT:4D as PAM (i.e. "Pick a Major"), the
Martian 3NT (e.g. Pass:1S:3NT as 10-12 with 5+ Spades)
and European style cuebids can come later. I'd also
want to make sure that my partner and I are of one mind
regarding Impossible Suit bids (e.g. 1D:1H:1NT:3C:3S as
showing 4 Clubs). For more on this start with:
http://www.firesides.net/no-nmf.htm
Aside from New Minor Forcing, what conventions
would I avoid? Flannery (worst convention of all
time), Cappelletti (second worst), Walsh (third worst),
Texas Transfers over 1NT (at least), Minor Suit Stayman
and, of course, Support Doubles (especially if forced
on minimum hands).
If in doubt the KISS ("Keep It Simple, Stupid)
rule always applies. :)
**********************
You'll find Kaltica (Colin Ward) doing his FireSide
sessions on Friday evenings at 5:30 P.M. OKbridge time.
Colin is available for private/group lessons and/or
supervised play sessions. Email him at (kaltica@mts.net)
for more information.
Rainbow and Spectrum Series Online!
The popular Rainbow (SAYC and play) and Spectrum (2/1-GF)
series have been automated for your convenience. You can take
any of the lessons at your leisure simply by clicking on
either of these links:
http://www.firesides.net/rainbows.htm
http://www.firesides.net/spectrums.htm
Enjoy!
=====================================================
GIGGLE BREAK
Thanks to Benson for these:
Top 10 Funny Store Signs
1. Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear
you coming."
2. Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3. On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman,
and the 2nd one just left."
4. In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes,
Sit! Stay!"
5. At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you
send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6. On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7. In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry,
come on in and get fed up."
8. Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a
pin drop."
9. In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully,
we'll wait."
10. In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing
wise is optional.
=============================================================
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